My secret diary 1972 October (i) Misery upon misery - a 15 year old's blues

Oct 1 (Sun)

Oh Hell!! Another weekend gone by. I hate the way that time goes so quickly. We took Norma to Brum this morning. She’s got a new room. It’s bigger. We helped her to decorate it (me and Ju). Posters and things. I wish I was staying away from home. It’s not that I don’t love mum and dad, ‘cos I do. I just want independence!! No-one understands. Oh Why?

Oct 2

What highly exciting things happened today? None. Went to see Miss Crabtree*, to get permission to go to dentist’s tomorrow. I’ve got to have a blasted brace. Found out that the man who was in the bed next to dad in hospital died on Aug 24^th – oh god, poor fellow (See April 29^th 1972) Work, work, work. Feel like crying. I want a holiday.

Oct 3

Went to Mr Aron’s in Manchester. Got a HORRIBLE brace from him. Actually it’s not dead noticeable, but it makes me talk funnily. I can’t pronounce ‘s’ properly. I wear it all the time as well as a thing which I wear just at nights – oh I hate it. I feel like crying – got to see him in a fortnight. School ok. Same boring things. Dreading tomorrow.

Oct 4 (Wed)

Huh! Jacklebeen’s in a bad mood again! Well this stupid bloody brace doesn’t do much to help. I hate it. I hate a lot of things. The newspaper made me cry today. Dog had elastic bands round its nose found wandering about. MP called Asians ‘sub-standard’ – what right has he to talk about other human beings like this?! My god, I hate him.

Oct 5

Oh what’s life worth living for? I’m just so sick and tired of this stupid brace, Miss Hatch, schoolwork and everything. Why can’t I just jump off this stupid earth? Heard ‘The Last Goon Show of all’ tonight. Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe. Q. funny. Done hardly any homework at all. Should have done more.

Oct 6

Friday again. Weekend!!! I don’t look forward to weekend any more ‘cos Monday follows so quickly. Hockey tomorrow. Sick of brace. Only done maths homework. Miss Turner has arranged a trip to Leeds in November to see Macbeth. Looking forward to it really. Done nothing exciting. Learning to speak properly with brace though – one good thing. Ha. I hate Miss Hatch.

Oct 7 (Sat)

Went to school this morning to watch our hockey team being slaughtered by Bury 3 – 0. Huh! Spent nearly all morning cutting oranges, washing pots etc, never mind. Did some chemical ‘magic’ for Rebecca, quite good fun. Did most of my homework. Got letter from Lorette* yesterday – awful! She’s told me about how her house got burnt down – poor thing!!

Oct 8

Put on my nice black and white skirt and jumper. Went with dad to collect Julie at 10.30am. Went to Auntie Emma’s for dinner. Don’t like her (I think). My dad really likes my black skirt. Took Lady with us (she kept jumping n the furniture). Did most of homework. I wrote a letter to Lorette and Julie wrote one to Marie-Therese when we got back. I hope we can still go over to see them next year. Hohum.

Oct 9^th (Mon)

Guess whose got a rotten stinking sniffy cold AGAIN!? Me. I hate school and hmwk. Dad made me drink some whisky for my cold – ugh! Saw a documentary on Russian school system – seems very disciplined and orderly. Been invited to a bonfire by John, Kevin etc (see Aug 16^th) Oh No!! Posted letter to Lorette and Shirley. Had a water-main burst at school – interesting!

Oct 10^th

My my. Isn’t ol’ Jackie being philosophical in her old age? Don’t be sarcastic Taylor! No, honestly, I feel suddenly as though I’ve got security – a home where I belong, where I’m loved. Sounds corny, but it’s true. School ok. Working v hard and sick and tired of work, work, work. I work constantly now. Monty Python’s Flying Circus back on Thursday. Also film on Vincent van Gogh, + Mama Cass.

Oct 11

Ok day. I managed to make myself feel on top of the world! Surprising what a shower while listening to the radio can do. I wish I could get out and meet more people though!! I want to get a ticket for Dovestones on Saturday (dance) but I don’t think I’ll manage. Done all hmwk. We’ve had to move out of desks and into lockers at school – awful.

Oct 12

Not really a bad day – could have been better – I could have been sunbathing on a beach on an island in the S Pacific. But I wasn’t.  Don’t think me and Ju’ll manage to get tickets to Dovestones – shucks. I hate Russian and Miss Hatch (letter especially). I spent hours on hmwk tonight. I’ve got so damned depressed. Julie was poorly today again.

*Commentary

Oct 2 – Miss Crabtree was our headmistress.  She wasn’t particularly formidable, but she had a big, wood panelled office, with a big desk, and there was a bench outside the office that you had to sit on while you waited to see her.

Oct 7 – my French pen-friend, who lived in Amiens. I never met her. I wonder what she is doing now? I’m not sure I can remember her surname.

My secret diary 1972 September (iii) - no boredom - just lots of homework!

Sept 22 (Fri)
Nothing really. I've invited CL and RH, CR and SO to our house tomorrow night (**) Never mind. Mum and dad will be out. There's just nothing to do in Oldham on Saturday nights. Oh I've got nothing to write about - oh, a girl whose just got grade '1' in O level Russian has been reassuring us!!
Sept 23
Spent the morning having a shower and washing hair and baking a cake. After dinner collected Ju from town and we went down to Middleton where I went to the shop - Vernon's & bought a black skirt with white lines, to go with the jumper Norma got me. C, R and C all came round and we had a good time drinking, talking and laughing.
Sept 24
Julie slept the night. We walked it halfway to their house (buses don't run till 2pm) then her uncle gave us a lift. We helped to organise a party for Ju's cousin J. It wasn't bad, I nearly learnt to jive!! We 'retired' at 6pm to do homework and it took us ages.
Sept 25
Oh - school again. I was blazing today because we did some physics homework - I got all the answers right - Got B! Must admit that diagrams weren't really complete according to him. Oh well. Then in Russ homework I got a mistake - B+. E was nearly crying 'cos Miss Hatch gave her low marks. I feel rotten. Depressed and poorly - I'm sure it's flu!
Sept 26 (Tue)
I'm honestly too tired to write much. The bloody teachers make me sick. Each gives us much too much homework - what do they expect us to do!? Miss Turner, Miss Hatch - they're all the same. I'm dead annoyed. I was thinking the only reason I don't chuck up school and hitch-hike round Europe is my dad and family. What's wrong with me??
Sept 27
Feel better today. Ok day at school. Once again nothing exciting. On my birthday we've decided to go out and get drunk or something - loads of us. Norma goes home to Brum on Sunday (did I say home?!) Homework a lot better tonight. Not so much. Had time to do a bit of my own Russian. Must do more revision.
Sept 28
This week seems to have gone by quickly! Got news, a few days ago, that JP has left school for good now. Feel as though I'm 'with' my work - not behind, not forward. Set up a revision system. Saw 'Cinema' tonight. It was about pop and rock films, including Woodstock concert for Bangladesh and A Hard Day's Night. Lovely. Bill Haley and the Comets, Elvis. I wish I lived in those days.
Sept 29
Hooray - Friday! Actually, this week seems to have gone quickly. Miss Rogerson (chem teacher) says that time will fly from now to the O levels. My god, I'm dreading them. I still hate Russian. I don;t understand what we'e going on about all the time. Verbs of motion, perfect, imperfect - Oh god, I'm tired. weather - normal. not cold, not warm. No letter from Lorette.
Sept 30 (Sat)
Today flew past as quick as anything. Morning, did nothing except homework, shower and hair. After dinner went to town with dad, Becky and friend. Norma came home (she's been to visit Catherine in Durham) Julie came and we helped Norma to pack  everything for tomorrow. I don't want her to go again. I think I must be overprotective.

Commentary
Sept 22 - (**) I wrote some Russian letters in brackets. I suspect that these are English words written phonetically with Russian letters, but my Russian is so rusty now, I can't work out what the big secret was!

My secret diary 1972 September (ii) - Bobby Charlton's testimonial match, working hard and changing my bed-time.

Sept 14th (Thur)
Dead tired at school - no wonder, didn't get to sleep till 1.30am this morning. Quite a normal day though. S and I are getting on quite well. Not a dead lot of homework. Norma (silly thing) gave me a jumper. Don't know why. It's white, long sleeved with black trimmings. Nice. Very. Achieved what today? Learnt quite a bit, but nowt else.
Sept 15
Finished 'Beyond Belief' - v good book about Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. Same as usual at school, but we seem to be working so hard. Never resting, what can I do? At home Norma and mum had a row. I burst out crying - couldn't help it. What with tension at school too. God, mock exams are so near!!
Sept 16 (Sat)
At last a lovely day of rest, in which I've accomplished absolutely nothing except a letter to Lorette who hasn't written since before July. Huff. Got up late, played with Rebecca for a while. After dinner went to library, but when I saw the queue I changed my mind and went to visit Julie at the shop. Nothing exciting happened at all
Sept 17 (Sun)
Stayed in bed quite late - it's nice to be able to! (Have a rest, I mean) Done bags of homework today - going to Manchester United tomorrow for Bobby Charlton's testimonial - I'm looking forward to it a lot. Boring day really. I've got nothing to write about. Watched telly a lot. Drawn Charlie Brown and Snoopy for E. I want one too, though.
Sept 18 (Mon)
School okay. Was Bobby Charlton's testimonial match against Glasgow Celtic. Oh it was lovely. Carol's dad took us down in the car. All the Celtic supporters!! There were thousands - really! They were dead friendly (sometimes too friendly!) Gate = 60,535!! Terrific. Score = draw 0-0. Bobby did a loop of honour. Some gorgeous Scots!!
Sept 19
Boringly ordinary day at school, 'cept of course I'm really tired out, so is Julie. Everybody seemed dead friendly today, even D. Me and Ju were talking to AH - she's nice sometimes. Played hockey in games. Been doing homework since I came home to when I came to bed ('cept for tea). Feel like crying.
Sept 20th (Tue)
Nothing exciting. Not as much homework as last night, but still enough to keep me occupied most of the night. Decided to get myself used to going to bed at 10.30pm instead of 9.30. Norma and dad agree. Sleeves of school jumper are wearing through. Feel pretty relaxed which is unusual for me! Posted letter to Lorette. It's ages since she wrote back.
Sept 21
OK day, as usual nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary. In fact life just seems to be a solid mass of work and boredom and headaches. Finding that I have more time at nights if I go to bed later (obviously) Feel like crying - all bunged up inside, but no tears come. Doing war poems by Wilfred Owen for 'O' levels - good.

Colm Toibin - Just finished reading . . .

Brooklyn by Colm Toibin (2009)

10 out of 10



Oh dear. When I gave 'Room' by Emma Donaghue 10 out of 10, I said I couldn't fault it. Well, that was before I read 'Brooklyn'. Now I have read a book with superb subtlety, and so I know what subtlety in fiction can be. And maybe this book really is perfect.

This is such a simple story, not very long, about a young woman who migrates from Ireland to America. In it we learn about events, attitudes and changing world of the 1950s. More importantly, for me, I watched Eilis and was relieved that someone could capture how imprecise, and sometimes illogical, the process of decision-making and acting on decisions can be. We can allow the world to carry us along towards the future, trying to play no part in taking responsibility for events. But then what?

Read this, and enjoy it.

Emma Donoghue - Just finished reading . . .

Room by Emma Donoghue

10 out of 10

I can't fault this book. I read it over 4 days, I couldn't put it down, and it occupied my thoughts when I wasn't reading it. It occupied my thoughts because it is remarkable for what it doesn't tell you about Ma's life, and my imagination kept leaping, unwillingly, to fill in the gaps.
I'm not going to say anything about the story, because I don't want to spoil it for potential readers. I have to say, though, that the author kept me in suspense right to the end. I couldn't predict how the book would develop and end. I was rooting for you all the way, Jack and Ma!
It was good to be inside Jack's head - how did the author do this? It was a very convincing perspective. It beat 'The Slap' hands down as a novel, because of its simplicity and wondrousness.

That's all. Read it if you haven't done.

My secret diary 1972 September (i)

Sept 1 (Fri)
Slept at Ju's last night. Woke up with a rotten hangover. Lads were ok last night, mostly from Hulme. One lad we were talking to called Pete Knox was q nice. Just sat his 'O' levels. Dinner at Julie's. Beautiful weather. Saw Roy Dunkerley!! (Again) Came to our house. Did nothing (as usual). Going to Ju's with Evelyn tomorrow.
Sept 2
Got my odd money - relief, relief! Met Evelyn in town at 11.30. Then we went to Ju's. Evelyn's ok, but she does go on about Dave so much. Love? Who knows? We were so bored though. In the end we all went into town and were going to look for Julie's new shoes but Evelyn went home. We got shoes. Ju is sleeping at our house tonight.
Sept 3
Norma said that she's got a job for us at the shop she works in (A boutique down Middleton). It's an awful shop, but we could do with the money (me especially, it's Norma's birthday on Sept 13th) Helped dad wash car, made cakes. Got United ticket off Carol (for Bobby Charlton's Testimonial) Start work tomorrow.
Sept 4 (Mon)
People in the shop today were Norma, me, Ju and Brenda, the manageress. Brenda's awful and she sits around all day doing nothing herself but giving orders to us. Not that we do anything useful. It's so boring. After work we went swimming. All the clothes at Vernon's fall to bits if they're touched, honestly. And Brenda's got no idea how to run a shop*
Sept 5 (Tues)
Shop again. It's not dead bad but I'd hate to work here for a long time. There's no sense of achievement to gain by making price tags or anything. Met Norma's friend Stella today. She's nice. Brenda in too. She's not nice. Stella's getting married to an Arab. She's half Jewish - complicated. Looking forward to tomorrow.*
Sept 6
Norma, Stella, me and Ju in today - not Brenda, luckily. It's been great today, really terrific. We've actually been doing real work. We weren't ordered to, we chose to. Sorted loads of jumpers and blouses. Yesterday we sold 4 things and got £9. This time we got £20-odd without Brenda's help. All this time Ju's been sleeping at ours, but school tomorrow.
Sept 7 (Thur)
I've decided I'm doing very well with my diary. Started school. Yeuck! Form - UVN. Mr Higgins is our form master. Great. Got new timetable 'n' everything. Dead boring and frightening. I was trembling before Russian. I didn't understand a thing in maths. Just started reading 'Beyond Belief' about the Moors Murders. Norma brought mine and Ju's wages. Only £3.50 each.
Sept 8
Feel as though I've been at school for 6 weeks already!!! A normal day but everything seems to be so far ahead of me, I'll have to study a lot before the 'O' levels. New music teacher called Mr Butterworth. Seems nice. Guess what part I've got in Macbeth!!? I'm one of the rotten witches! (Remember Hansel and Gretel at junior school?) Huh. Got Norma's present.
Sept 9 (Sat)
Worked at the shop again. The shop made over £100 today (mainly things I sold, I'm sure). I do nearly all the boring work. Norma saw me and Ju in Middleton yesterday, but I didn't tell her I'd got the bag! Got her some Sandalwood perfume oil - gorgeous. Also I'm looking for a Charlie Brown book. Got her wrapping paper for walls. Julie slept the night.
Sept 10
I hate Sundays. I've cried 3 times today (once at a film). It's just that dad, Norma and me were all arguing. She's 21 this week! Can't he see? It all upset me. Done homework. No revision. Mocks* soon.
Sept 11 (Mon)
School again. Yeuck. Getting on quite well with S. Arranged for people to get me pressies for Norma. e.g S - joss-sticks, K - a snoopy book. Read some more of 'Beyond Belief' Went to the dentist's and had 2 teeth out for Mr Aron. Mr Cooper's dead nice and funny. My teeth are aching like mad!! Homework
Sept 12
Wrapped Norma's pressy up. Norma had a nasty nose-bleed before we went to bed. We're all going out tomorrow to celebrate her birthday. Family, Julie, Kate and parents, Stella, Lynn (Norm's friend), Auntie Emma and Auntie May. Had bags of homework to do. Did nearly all - thrills. K got book. S couldn't get joss sticks. Spent £3.31*
Sept 13
I gave Norma her present and she was really chuffed with it. She's had a lovely day. I don't think it could have been better. She kept giggling. 13 of us went to have dinner - very posh. Norma's got a new maxi-dress - Victorian - gorgeous. She looked really great. It was a nice night. Slept at Julie's (my bed occupied)

*Commentary
Sept 4 - oh I'm so embarrassed that I wrote this! What teenage arrogance and naïvety is this!? First day at work in my life, and I think I know more than the boss!
Sept 5 - I added a note at a later date to this day's entry. 'on 5.9.72, the horrible kidnapping of the Jews, by the Arabs, took place at Munich, eventually ending in about 11 Jews being killed. WHY?'
Sept 10 - I have edited this. I find I can't always expose my family dynamics to an audience, even though both my parents are dead. The 'mocks' refers to mock 'O' level exams.
Sept 12 - ever the little accountant, I had used a space above the entry to tot up what I had spent
£2.25 bag
.25 map
.30 scent
.20 book
.10 sweets
.03 shama? (can't read)
.06 soap (?)
.12 paper
total £3.31
I also added a note above this entry 'I love my sister. She's great!'

Just finished reading . . .

The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas (2008)

9 out of 10


When this book was long-listed for the Booker Prize in 2010 it was said to be controversial, being about a child being slapped. On the front cover we are asked to consider whose side we are on i.e. those who think an out-of-control naughty child should have boundaries imposed by a slap, or those who think that this is outright abusive violence.
I think this is a very clever book. Each chapter is written about one of the key characters of the story. The key character who is notably left out is Hugo, the naughty brat who isn't learning how to behave appropriately in society. I am currently reading 'Room' by Emma Donaghue, which is written completely from the viewpoint of a 5 year old - I'm glad I have read the two next to each other, because it forces me to think about por Hugo with more kindness. My partner, Paul, read 'The Slap' before me, and after I had completed the first chapter, in which the slap occurs, he asked me whether I thought it was right that he was slapped and I said 'oh yes - naughty, out of control, needs boundaries'. Paul smirked, (no, he laughed) because he knew how the author was going to play with my thinking throughout the book.
I come from a generation which was slapped and hit for naughtiness. I still remember Miss Heap's stinging slap on my leg, when she caught me talking in P.E. I'm not sure that I needed that kind of physical violence-type control, but I'm also not sure that others didn't. I still don't know whose side I'm on, but I do think that if Hugo had been shot at the beginning, then some critical incidents wouldn't have upset some nice people.
I like this book because Tsiolkas does a good job, a really good job, of exploring some issues that I find interesting and current for society (Do women who aren't mothers have a right to a view on parenting? Are friends the new family? What place do drugs have in recreation and in the casual, everyday regulation of mood? How is equality and mutual respect managed in male-female relationships?). In the past I would have gone to female authors like Fay Weldon for this kind of commentary. Also he explores relationships between friends, between spouses, generations etc, well. And finally, he offers us an exploration of what hits many people at different life-stages (identity crises, sexuality, fidelity, separation, parenting, illness, death). WOW! So it is a big book for these reasons.
I deducted marks because I'm not sure if the author was just trying to shock us with all the sex 'n' drugs.