My secret diary 1972 November (ii) - being scared of the Russian teacher and lusting after Macbeth

Nov 10 (Fri)
Hurray for Fridays!! Had to be at school for 10am. No Chem, geog normal, Russian horrible as usual. Music pretty grotty. Me, Ju, C and R have arranged to meet near the Oldham Hotel on Sunday for the Tinkers. Auntie Emma came, so did Norma.

Nov 11
Seemed to be a completely useless day, in which I achieved nowt. Went into town, to library, looked for new handbag, saw some I liked, but none in black, so I'm going back on Monday. Took Auntie Emma home, Rebecca came too. It was dead dark over the moors - frightening. Done no work hardly.

Nov 12
Another nothing day. Weather's gone absolutely freezing and it's been pouring down for the last few days. Done homework. Read a bit of 'Ice Station Zebra' by Alistair McLean. Went to Tinkers with Ju and RH. Pretty good.

Nov 13 (Mon)
Hello silly ol' diary - I don't know why the hell I'm feeling so happy and carefree - I've got lots of homework piling up on me and me mum's got a bad earache. I hope she'll go t'doctor's tomorrer. I think she's a wee bit frightened. Bought me new handbag - black leather. Nice. Been pouring with rain. Floods all over England.

Nov 14
Gave E her birthday pressie - she was really chuffed I think. Gosh it seems like years ago! Went to dentist - he didn't do owt. A man (ho ho) gave me a lift back - his daughter sees Mr Aron. V interesting. Russian was awful as usual. Hate Tuesdays. Like Mondays best. Saw a mouse in the kitchen - eek! Homework!!

Nov 15
Oh rats - horrid day. Russian was nasty. She asked me a question, it made me look a fool. In maths I got 14/20 in  test. In biology we had a test. Physics - I don't like anyway - yuek! Didn;t have much homework so learnt some Russian vocabulary.

Nov 16
Very cold Brrrr. There are times when one doesn't feel like writing one's diary - especially in winter. Supposed to be seeing Macbath on Saturday, but Miss Turner fell off a train and broke her wrist, so don't know if she's coming. Russ - not too bad, but Ju was upset though. I hate SP and KB more than anyone else!

Nov 17 (Fri)
Oh, I'm frozed. Macbeth and Hockey and E and J for dinner tomorrow - it's all happening - a bit annoyed because E told Ju something - didn't confide in me. She might be breaking up with Dave. Mum's ear is still bad - pretty bad. She's been to doctor's. Got some capsules. Russ okay*.

Nov 18
Ho ho. Hockey in morning. I didn't play. Against Chaddy Grammar - we lost 2-0. I made 2 gallons of soup for everyone. E and Ju came for dinner - mum still poorly. Oh, I wish she's get batter, poor mum. Macbeth in affy in Leeds*. V good play. Macbeth was gorgeous!! Some stupid little 10 year olds sat behind us giggling and talking. Ohhhh - Macbeth, dead masterful.

Nov 19 (Sun)
Sunday gone too quickly. Slept in late. SG came to see me -pleased. Going to town with her tomorrow (Queen's Silver Wedding). Went to see Tinkers. Larry wasn't there. Other singers were on. Q good.

Nov 20
Queen's wedding anniversary (25th). Been nothing else on telly. Funny - she's the patron of the RSPCA but she was wearing mink today. How horrible. Went into town with SG today. Pretty boring, mainly 'cos I didn't buy much. Only a ball of purple wool. I've got my eyes on the Spar lad. Done loads of homework.

Nov 21
It's wrong you know. It's all bloody wrong! Why am I sat here crying? Only because of the pressures of a world that I've had no say in. What right has Miss Hatch to frighten me and give us so much work? Oh why? What part am I playing in this stupid world?

Nov 22 (Wed)
Funny how life looks different now. Don't really know why I was crying last night. Horrid Russ. Going to a dance on Friday. Dead nervous - won't know anyone there except Ju and David Hewitt. Hope I don't feel odd man out.

*Commentary
Nov 17 - As I transcribe my diary I have come to realise how terrorised I was by our Russian teacher. It's actually quite appalling that she was allowed to scare us so much. No-one should have that much power over schoolchildren. Would it happen now?
Nov 18 - the ticket stub is still in my diary. It cost £1.00

Orhan Pamuk - Just finished reading . . .

The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk


8.5/10

I'm so glad I persevered through the 728 pages of this book. It was hard going at times, spending a long time saying very little, but really saying a lot by the end.
Once, I was involved in a relationship which was a mistake. I stayed in it for much longer than was healthy for me, and it is one of the few regrets of my life that I wasted some years hoping it would get better. The Museum of Innocence is about something similar but more, more, more. Oh - I don't want to give anything away and spoil it for anyone, but I DO want to say that I thing she was a waste of time, and I can't see what he saw in her. Yet, towards the end of the book it transpires that some of his friends and relatives thought she was okay, and even the book's author did. But I could see no evidence in the whole book that she was a nice person, or that she had any real depth of feeling. I think she was a chancer, and he wasted his life on her.
This is a book that made me think about obsession, self-centredness and people not being able to control a single-minded passion. Or can people take that control, but they don't, preferring to wallow?

I learned some things about the Turkish way of life and Turkish culture. The book portrays Turkey in the 1970s and 1980s as being on the interface of Western and Eastern manners and trends.

Would I recommend it? Yes - to those who have the perseverance to keep going. Would I read more of his? Yes - but I'd like a shorter one, I think.

In complete contrast, I'm listening to Martin Chuzzlewit (Dickens) in the car. Another lengthy tome .....

My secret diary 1972 November (i) - nearly a house fire, counting cars and views on thin-faced men.

Nov 1st (Wed)
Gosh hasn't this week gone quick? Well, the week hasn't gone yet, but it nearly has. Did a lot of sewing today, been fixing hem on maxi, collar on mum's* coat, Sandra's dress, won;t be long before I've finished it. Julie came round. Did nothing exciting. Looked at old photos. Found one of Roy. Listened to Goons (again) and Johnny Cash.
Nov 2nd
Now how's that for a coincidence?* The telly man came today, but he didn't have his good-looking son with him (if it's the same telly man). After dinner I went to Julie's. Really we wee hoping to see Kev and Roy but they weren't there. Went into town. Nowt exciting. Saw Monty Python's Flying Circus on the television. Very good.
Nov 3rd
Oh gosh - nearly set fire to the house this morning. Mum went up town and some paper (today's newspaper) caught fire an scorched the rug. Managed to hide it and buy a new newspaper though. In afternoon Julie came and we did our (my) traffic census for geography and it was raining - ha - good fun really. Went to a bonfire in night - I hate fireworks.
Nov 4th (Sat)
Strange day - I hardly seem to have done anything productive (if you seen what I mean). Spent the morning entertaining Rebecca. In afternoon went to town, did some shopping - library (got George Orwell's 'Keep the Aspidistra Flying') Done a tiny bit of homework tonight. At the moment I feel like crying. Dad's been giving me one of his talks.
Nov 5th
Didn't get up till 11.30 awww! Been reading George Orwell - very good, a bit 'naughty'. Ju came for dinner, did some more of the traffic census, checked homework (Awww, what an evil life I lead). After went to see Mrs Hewitt. She cleans at Ju's house. She's lovely, but J thinks her grandson is too. I don't think he's nice looking, okay character. There's a dance at his school.
Nov 6th (Mon)
Oh groan - back at school. Nothing exciting happened really. It's speech day on Thursday, so get affy off. R brought me a lovely birthday present - some long red beads, gorgeous. Awww she shouldn't have though. I spent ages on chemistry homework tonight. I was getting dead upset about it - finished George Orwell.
Nov 7th
Nothing much really - one thing though. Remember David Smith from the moors murders? He's just been charged with the manslaughter of his father. He got 2 days in prison! Makes you think. The American Presidential elections tonight - tell result tomorrow. Speech day soon. In a bad mood. I got C for that stupid Russian prose!!
Nov 8th (Wed)
Hey aren't I doing well with my diary? Russ was terrible today. Miss Hatch read something in Russian and we had to write it in English. It was horrid. Biology as boring as ever. Ju told me that S is going to take Friday off to visit her beloved in Oldham (he works there). I've decided that thin-faced fellas are gorgeous. Had Speech day practice in affy.
Nov 9th
Pretty boring morning at school. Weren't in school in afternoon so me and Ju went into town to buy E's birthday present. We bought bath salts, copper bangle, pendant, motif and liqueur! Speech night. God - what a laugh! So boring and snobbish. Floppy hats and fuss.

*Commentary
Nov 1st - mum died in 1979. It's strange to think that that happened only 7 years after these diary entries.  Still now, all these years later, and as I typed that sentence, my heart yearns. I want to be able to pick up that collar and push my nose into it to smell her. Transcribing this diary creates a strange interaction between my 55 year old self and my 16 year old self.
Nov 2nd - next to this is an arrow pointing up the page to my entry for Nov 2nd 1970, in which the telly man came to mend the telly.

My secret diary 1972 October (iii) being followed, anti-christs and a tiny headache

Oct 25 (Wed)
Not much to say really - boringly ordinary day - not half looking forward to Norma coming home. Miss Hatch was supposed to listen to me read today, after school, but she forgot. She doesn't like me and she shows it, which annoys me. Where can we go this weekend to celebrate my birthday?

Oct 26
 Normal day. E is beginning to get on my nerves. She seems to think that she owns us. We break up for half term tomorrow and Norma comes home. She phoned tonight. Both mum and dad are out and I'm worrying myself silly over them. I wish they'd hurry back. Mum's just come in I think.

Oct 27 (Fri)
At last broke up for half term - I hate Russ - she kept asking me questions. This afternoon me and Ju went to town to do some shopping. She bought some ear-rings, I bought some face make-up. This feller kept following us but we lost him (haha) It was frightening. Norma came. Her pressie is a beautiful maxi skirt and top. Gorgeous turquoise cotton with flowers on. Been reading about the prophet Nostradamus. He's fantastic. He prophesied three great 'anti-christs' - Napoleon, Hitler and who knows in the future. 1999, 7th month, 3rd antichrist rules. Death, destruction etc - interesting.

Oct 28
Did nothing hardly this morning. Me, Ju, E and Norma went into town in the afternoon. Got dad a green tie for his birthday, also got him mum's present - tie-pin. Norma got me a beautiful butterfly brooch to go with my maxi skirt and top - lovely. Julie slept over. There was a prowler that shone a torch in window!

Oct 29 
Norma and Ju took Beccy swimming but I couldn't go. I watched from the side. It's her first time at the baths and she liked it (thank goodness). Went to the Oldham Hotel with Julie, E and C to see the Oldham Tinkers* - it was great. I love the Tinkers. Lovely atmosphere. Had a shandy and 2 ciders. Was singing on the way back - saw Shirl.

Oct 30 (Mon)
Had a tiny headache today but not too bad. Slept at Ju's last night and so did E. I wish RH could have cme too. She wanted to but her mum wasn't keen. Worried about seeing John, Kev, Roy etc again (what do they think of me?) I think they've got something up their sleeves. Boring at home. Nowt to do. Did some drawing. Watched the telly.

Oct 31
Done nothing exciting today. I've done some physics notes, some of Sandra's dress and a tiny bit of homework. After dinner (after 4 o'clock) I went to visit the Greenwoods who are moving house (don't know where to). Everyone's fine. Nothing else to say. What exciting thing can I do with these holidays?

*Commentary
Oct 29 - and here started my life-long love of local Lancashire folk music! The Oldham Hotel was a pub in the town centre. It was where my mum met my dad just after the War. She was attracted to him because he was handsome, she said, but also because he had a watch and an overcoat, so she thought he had money!

Orhan Pamuk and Doris Lessing - Currently reading . . .

The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk

A very long book. Whereas Isabelle Allende can cram the activities and events of several genrations into a novel, Pamuk is lingering over detail and small (yet big) things. I have been unsure, but have persevered with this book. THEN - this morning I have come to Chapter 69! Now I know this is a great novel. (Not that he needs my approval, being a Nobel prize winner.)
More when I've finished it.

I've been listening to Doris Lessing's 'Alfred and Emily' in the car, but I had to abandon it because the second half was so unlike the first. The foreword to this book made me well up with tears, when she explains that she going to tell the story of how her parents' lives might have been different if some key events hadn't happened.
Imagine inventing new lives for your parents.

My secret diary 1972 October (ii) a new coat, a happy time and crossing the Iron Curtain

Oct 13 Fri
Friday 13th! Forgot about it most of the day. Still don't know properly about Dovestones.* Julie wasn't at school today, but I phoned her up and she's okay now.We're going into town tomorrow to look for a coat for me. We're going to E's for tea and then to Dovestones. Norma's home, and there are arguments with mum.

Oct 14th
Well the great Dovestones is here!! It took us ages to get there, but it was worth it. I guess I felt 'single' most of the night but J, W, T etc were too! Got drunk and felt dead ashamed. A lad with a flowery shirt kept kissing me and then he went and I spent some nice time with MW's brother Chris - he's nice, V. nice.In taxi home, 5 of us, me and Ju, E's Dave, Robin W and Pete W. Good fun. Got a new maxi tapestry coat. (Nice. Remember singing glasses.)

Oct 15th
Slept at Ju's last night. had a stupid hangover today. Stomach felt all seasick. Chris wasn't half nice!! Lovely things on telly like Pride and Prejudice, The Man from UNCLE and one of the films that really influenced Ian Brady - The Third Man. The music is terrific. There was a film about Van Gogh - so sad. I've been crying my eyes out.

Oct 16th Mon
Everybody was talking about Dovestones at school. Seems that Chris has quite a reputation! I know that C 'went with' him on the way home - Huh!! The other las was Craig something. Chris is 18 - I don;t half fancy him. What can I do?? At the moment I feel rotten - I'm so tired. I've got to get some time off school again today!!

Oct 17th
JM is trying her hardest to make me jealous. She said Chris phoned her last night. I hate her - I think she's made it up - it wouldn't be the first time. Had to leave school early to see Mr Aron - so annoyed because he didn't even change the brace, just said 'Hmm, very nice, come again in 4 weeks'. Don;t feel so tired now. Been doing bags of homework. Sigh, sigh.

Oct 18th
School, school. Borin' ol' school. Had a speech day practice - speech day on Nov 9th. We've got tickets to go to a reception party for some students from Leningrad next Tuesday, in Manchester*. Looking forward to it, but I'll have to polish my Russian a lot. Wrote short letter to Norma with my measurements for skirt, and one to Susan G.

Oct 19th Thurs
Nothing exciting happening as usual. Had a test in English - they're getting pretty frequent nowadays. Biology was as boring as ever. No - the subject is interesting*, it's Mrs Hughes that's boring. Genetics is interesting. Mrs Stanton was away. Russ wasn't too bad. Miss Hatch can be nasty sometimes, though. I've made a list of what I want for my birthday from Julie.

Oct 20th
Hurray for Friday - long live Friday! Had another highly exciting day, as usual, at school. Chem ok, Geog normal - did I tell you that Mrs Brown is preggie? Well, she must be about 5 months now. She's leaving at half term anyway. Russ okay (well, as normal, I suppose). English - got new poetry books - nice. Maths ok. Music - I don;t like Mr Butterworth after all.

Oct 21st Sat
Nice contented day. Went to library to get book on Nostradamus, but wasn't there. Was creative yesterday and did 2 pictures 'Peace' and 'The air is everywhere'. Proud of them. Ju, Carol and Ann called today, after hockey, but I was in town. Beccy's sister, Cathy, gets on my nerves, she's a typical little skinhead. Anyway, going now. I'm cold.

Oct 22nd
Got up pretty early this morning to go to Auntie Emma's, to pick Auntie May up. I love my Auntie May. I suppose Emma's okay too sometimes. Auntie May gave me some perfume and an atomiser for my birthday. Auntie Emma gave me 50p. I like birthdays. Also Auntie May took my coat (maxi) in at the waist to make it fit more. Done hardly anything.

Oct 23rd Mon
Ho ho, my birthday tomorrow - happy all day, singing etc. Dead friendly with everyone at school. I think Ju might have been sulking a bit 'cos E seemed to talk to me a lot - I should have pulled Ju into the conversation. Where can we go at half term??

Oct 24th
Oh what a lovely day!! Ju got me Jasmine perfume oil, loopy earrings (1) (lovely) and odds and ends - also a beautiful card with James Taylor on the front*. Inside "You've gotta friend" E got me a purse and talc. C got me some nail varnish. Carol got me some matchmakers and a ring. Oh! I love everyone! Went to Russian reception. Had Lancashire Hotpot and beer (Miss Hatch there too) Had to talk to a Russian feller, who couldn't speak a word of English - felt sorry for him. Actually it was very interesting.

*Commentary
Oct 13th - There used to be Saturday night dances at Dovestones Reservoir Sailing Club, frequented by some girls from my school. These were really my first adventures in going to dances, drinking alcohol and snogging. These events were always embarked on with anxiety.
Oct 14 - I have ticked a receipt into my diary. 14 Oct 72 C&A £9.95 (that was my beautiful tapestry design maxi coat.
Oct 18th - these were the days before the Iron Curtain went up, so meeting real Russian people was quite an event
Oct 19th - I went on to study biology at university
Oct 24th - this is a very special card, making its appearance in 1972. It has made its way between Julie and I at different points in time, and for different reasons, in the last 39 years. We still share it. Thanks Ju.

My secret diary 1972 October (i) Misery upon misery - a 15 year old's blues

Oct 1 (Sun)

Oh Hell!! Another weekend gone by. I hate the way that time goes so quickly. We took Norma to Brum this morning. She’s got a new room. It’s bigger. We helped her to decorate it (me and Ju). Posters and things. I wish I was staying away from home. It’s not that I don’t love mum and dad, ‘cos I do. I just want independence!! No-one understands. Oh Why?

Oct 2

What highly exciting things happened today? None. Went to see Miss Crabtree*, to get permission to go to dentist’s tomorrow. I’ve got to have a blasted brace. Found out that the man who was in the bed next to dad in hospital died on Aug 24^th – oh god, poor fellow (See April 29^th 1972) Work, work, work. Feel like crying. I want a holiday.

Oct 3

Went to Mr Aron’s in Manchester. Got a HORRIBLE brace from him. Actually it’s not dead noticeable, but it makes me talk funnily. I can’t pronounce ‘s’ properly. I wear it all the time as well as a thing which I wear just at nights – oh I hate it. I feel like crying – got to see him in a fortnight. School ok. Same boring things. Dreading tomorrow.

Oct 4 (Wed)

Huh! Jacklebeen’s in a bad mood again! Well this stupid bloody brace doesn’t do much to help. I hate it. I hate a lot of things. The newspaper made me cry today. Dog had elastic bands round its nose found wandering about. MP called Asians ‘sub-standard’ – what right has he to talk about other human beings like this?! My god, I hate him.

Oct 5

Oh what’s life worth living for? I’m just so sick and tired of this stupid brace, Miss Hatch, schoolwork and everything. Why can’t I just jump off this stupid earth? Heard ‘The Last Goon Show of all’ tonight. Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe. Q. funny. Done hardly any homework at all. Should have done more.

Oct 6

Friday again. Weekend!!! I don’t look forward to weekend any more ‘cos Monday follows so quickly. Hockey tomorrow. Sick of brace. Only done maths homework. Miss Turner has arranged a trip to Leeds in November to see Macbeth. Looking forward to it really. Done nothing exciting. Learning to speak properly with brace though – one good thing. Ha. I hate Miss Hatch.

Oct 7 (Sat)

Went to school this morning to watch our hockey team being slaughtered by Bury 3 – 0. Huh! Spent nearly all morning cutting oranges, washing pots etc, never mind. Did some chemical ‘magic’ for Rebecca, quite good fun. Did most of my homework. Got letter from Lorette* yesterday – awful! She’s told me about how her house got burnt down – poor thing!!

Oct 8

Put on my nice black and white skirt and jumper. Went with dad to collect Julie at 10.30am. Went to Auntie Emma’s for dinner. Don’t like her (I think). My dad really likes my black skirt. Took Lady with us (she kept jumping n the furniture). Did most of homework. I wrote a letter to Lorette and Julie wrote one to Marie-Therese when we got back. I hope we can still go over to see them next year. Hohum.

Oct 9^th (Mon)

Guess whose got a rotten stinking sniffy cold AGAIN!? Me. I hate school and hmwk. Dad made me drink some whisky for my cold – ugh! Saw a documentary on Russian school system – seems very disciplined and orderly. Been invited to a bonfire by John, Kevin etc (see Aug 16^th) Oh No!! Posted letter to Lorette and Shirley. Had a water-main burst at school – interesting!

Oct 10^th

My my. Isn’t ol’ Jackie being philosophical in her old age? Don’t be sarcastic Taylor! No, honestly, I feel suddenly as though I’ve got security – a home where I belong, where I’m loved. Sounds corny, but it’s true. School ok. Working v hard and sick and tired of work, work, work. I work constantly now. Monty Python’s Flying Circus back on Thursday. Also film on Vincent van Gogh, + Mama Cass.

Oct 11

Ok day. I managed to make myself feel on top of the world! Surprising what a shower while listening to the radio can do. I wish I could get out and meet more people though!! I want to get a ticket for Dovestones on Saturday (dance) but I don’t think I’ll manage. Done all hmwk. We’ve had to move out of desks and into lockers at school – awful.

Oct 12

Not really a bad day – could have been better – I could have been sunbathing on a beach on an island in the S Pacific. But I wasn’t.  Don’t think me and Ju’ll manage to get tickets to Dovestones – shucks. I hate Russian and Miss Hatch (letter especially). I spent hours on hmwk tonight. I’ve got so damned depressed. Julie was poorly today again.

*Commentary

Oct 2 – Miss Crabtree was our headmistress.  She wasn’t particularly formidable, but she had a big, wood panelled office, with a big desk, and there was a bench outside the office that you had to sit on while you waited to see her.

Oct 7 – my French pen-friend, who lived in Amiens. I never met her. I wonder what she is doing now? I’m not sure I can remember her surname.