Hilary Mantel - Just finished reading

Giving up the Ghost by Hilary Mantel (audio book)

7/10



Without a doubt Hilary Mantel is one of the great British living writers. I think this because of Wolf Hall and Bring up the Bodies, and also because of the range and richness of her other writings such as Fludd and Beyond Black. I'm not sure that the stories always completely satisfy me, but her writing and her imagination are superb.

This  book is autobiographical. It is approached in a disjointed and unexpected way. She immerses us in her childhood and also in her illnesses and treatments and hospitalisations. I'm not sure I wanted to be depressed like this, but it is valuable for any of us (especially those who work in it) to understand the experience of illness and health 'care' and how wrong and distressing it can all be.

Because the book dragged me down in mood, I might have given it a lower mark. I gave it 7, though, because of one moment. I was listening to the book as I drove into work. I have (you'll be glad to know) one part of my brain on the traffic and the driving and one part on the book. Suddenly, because of Hilary Mantel's skill at evoking atmosphere, I was back in my childhood home, very young, sitting on the moquette settee feeling comfortable, smelling onions cooking for mum's cheese and onion pie, and watching the dust-motes floating in the sunlight streaming through the window. Hilary Mantel took me there - not to a memory of an event, or a memory of doing something, but to a moment of just being me, as a child. Wow! Absolute respect to this woman.

My teenage diary 1973 October (iii) a short-lived feeling of happiness

Oct 16th  (Tues)
Okay day at school. After school, film society film - Killer - not as good as 'Lovely War'. Got sort of chatted up on the way home by 6th form boy - I'd swear he's on drugs or something. Don't know much about him though. Ju sounds better.

Oct 17th
Ju not at school. Miss Crabtree told the LVI prefects that 6 girls would have to give charity talks in assembly  Don't really fancy it. Reading a lovely book recommended by S. Snowflake by Paul Gallicoe - children's story - beautiful.

Oct 18th
Good Grief, it's freezing and it's my birthday next Wed. Ju told me - I didn't realise it was soon. Ju not at school - what should I do? Doing charity appeals soon at school. I'm writing one. AW is reading it. Help help.

Oct 19th (Fri)
Heeee - how nice. I'm sat in my bedroom with a glass of milk and a biscuit and even though it's cold, I'm happy. Oh Damn - but am I happy? I feel all tensed up and nervous. I can't keep still sometimes. Norma's home. I'm really glad. I love my big sister. I love my mum and I love my dad. I love Lady too. Don't die.

Oct 20th (Sat)
Nice day in a way. Went into town with Julie. Got new school cardigan. Went to club at night. There I found out that one of the waiters finds me 'very attractive'. This lad called Chris asked me to dance - it's wonderful for the ego! Wants to see me again, next week.

Oct 21st
Slept at Ju's last night. Today went to Lancaster with Norma 'cos she was moving out of present room to a bed-sit. Felt really envious of her - wish I could be independent and free, too. In 2 years me and Ju and 2 others will have a really big holiday - yes!

Oct 22nd
Birthday soon, gee whizz - 17 years! Told Chris I was 17. Don't know what to do about him. He's 18 or 19. Ju's Mick is coming down for weekend so with a bit of luck (I'll need it) we'll be a foursome at the club but I don't know.

Oct 23rd (Tues)
Poor old Miss Rogerson's* house was burgled yesterday, so she was telling us about it today. Poor thing. Also sixth form meeting formed 'LVIth committee' - me on it! We thought of putting on a pantomime at Xmas for a hospital or something.

Oct 24th
What a damn rotten, miserable birthday - no, I don't mean to sound so grotty but Norma didn't send me a card, Julie didn't come to school 'cos she had pains again. Oh, E got me some Aqua Citra Bath Oil. I got a card from S and after school Ju came round and gave me a Snoopy poster, toy car and chess set.


*Commentary
Oct 23rd - Miss Rogerson was our form mistress and chemistry teacher.

A post from my grown-up me.

This is not from the teenage diary.

What I have learned in the last three months.

1. The sun is not a friend  it is an enemy and getting a tan is a sign that your skin is trying to protect itself against further damage. I knew that really, I am a bore with my factor 20 sun-cream. But there is knowing, and there is knowing.
2. It is always worth going to the doctor with a mole that has changed shape or looks odd.
3. I never thought that I would see the words 'malignant' or 'prognosis' in a letter about me. These words overshadowed all the other words in the letter and stopped me seeing them. I have been around enough to know what they can mean in real human terms.
4. Having flesh cut out of your leg (two times!!) doesn't hurt, with enough local anaesthetic. 
5. The word 'malignant' is enough to stop you being able to give blood. My blood is not as valuable / good as it once was.
6. Things sometimes turn out okay in the end, as the brown envelope that arrived in the post this morning told me.
7. The National Health Service is a great institution that we should protect.

My secret diary 1973 (October ii) - mill chimneys and news from an ex.

Oct 10 (Wed)
Not much to say. behind with diary a bit. V.v. cold suddenly. Julie off school, got tummy ache and scabs on face.

Oct 11
Again, v little to say. Julie is away again. Doctor gave her Roter tablets like my dad has for his ulcer and said she may have impetigo.

Oct 12
Fun at school when S told some UVs* not to eat in school uniform. Gave them both essays. Some smart Alec in the government announced that Oldham is the drabbest, dullest, dirtiest town in England. How dare he call my home town? I love it and its chimneys*.

Oct 13 (Sat)
I got a letter from - guess who? - Rob!* It really annoyed me, telling me about university and girls etc. Went to town with Ju and she came to my house for dinner and I went to her house for tea. Went for a chat round at CR's, with G and H*, who I can't stand. Ok day.

Oct 14
You know, I really hate Sundays, partly 'cos it's so boring and partly 'cos I usually save all my homework for then - which is a bit thick. I won't next weekend. Mum was depressed, so was I. At least Norma was in a better mood. Ju said last week that a waiter at the club was mad about me.

Oct 15 (Mon)
Oh, so worried about Julie. I think she might have stomach ulcers - doctor's given her Roter tablets. She was away today, violent pains in her stomach. I went to blasted computer course - which I don't like much. Not much else to say.

*Commentary
Oct 12 - UV - the Upper fifth - these were the year below us - the 16 year olds. As sixth formers now, we had some duties involving controlling, herding and reprimanding everyone else. It was not easy!
Oct 12 - for those reading this who don't know Oldham, in 1973 the town still had many tall and imposing cotton mill chimneys dominating its skyline.

I was brought up living next door to the 'Daisy' mill and was used to seeing great huge baskets being hoisted up and down, loaded and unloaded with raw cotton and newly spun cotton. My mum and all her sisters worked in the mills, in mysterious rooms called the carding rooms or the spinning rooms or doubling rooms. Words like winding, doubling, reels, bales and shoddy were part of the everyday language of my streets. We played hop scotch with the round ends of cotton bobbins. Most of the mill chimneys have been demolished now. It may have been a drab and dirty town then, but when I revisit it now, I find its heart and soul have been ripped out by town planners, who really have never known how to reconstruct a community broken when its main industry died.
Oct 13 - ex boyfriend
Oct 13 - I tend to substitute random initials for names, except for Carol and Julie, who don't mind being named!

My secret diary 1973 October (i) Computers, posters and trying to help my friend

Oct 1st (Mon)
Highly exciting day ending with computer course at tech. I'm beginning to regret having gone.

Oct 2nd
Ju was away yesterday, but here today, although ill. E was away today & yesterday. We're doing up our cloakroom with posters and things - looks okay. Saw film 'Oh What a Lovely War!' (film theatre) Very good. World War One. Sarcastic. funny.

Oct 3rd
Julie away from school. Teachers concerned I think. I phoned her and she said her mum was collecting the photos. Whippee!!

Oct 4th (Thurs)
The holiday photos that is. They're okay. We've got Valentino and his pals on them. Also some Surrey lads (Gary Glitter). Oh + Sara + Sian - oh it was such fun, and such a lot has happened since .. I do wish that we could go there again next year - but what can we do now? It's all changed. Went to Oldham Rep. Ten Little Niggers*, with Norma.

Oct 5th
Ju's a lot better. Not much to write - school's pretty normal. V hard work. Messed around with microscope a while, got a few good clear cells (this at home). Work's getting on top of me really - Ju's mum phoned and asked me if I could get her to go out a bit more.

Oct 6th (Sat)
Today I went in town, eyed up some jeans, bought a poster for 20p - so did Julie and went to show girls in inside market and they asked for 3. Bloke on stall let us have them for 10p. Went to Royton Club after. I didn't want to in case Jerry was there, He wasn't, but came later with girl!

Oct 7th
Hmwk in morning and we drove Norma to Morecambe in affy. She's lodging there while going to Lancaster College*. Felt envious of her. I am bored, I am bored, I am bored (to the tune of 'Frere Jacques')

Oct 8th (Mon)
Suddenly bogged down with work. I'm in a bad mood with everyone, especially mum it seems. Went to computer course. Big war between Israel and Egypt - I wish they'd stop it. Going to Plough on Friday. I wish I could be a Buddhist.

Oct 9th
Ju upset today because Miss Roker told her off about her dad's ring that she was wearing. She cried 'cos she was reminded, I think and S didn't help - kept ging on about it. Golly, it's my birthday soon and I don't feel a bit cheerful. Went to help with coffee evening at (.........)* Felt ridiculous amid fur coats and floppy hats.

*Commentary
Oct 4th - To edit and not use offensive language? Or to stay true to the zeitgeist of 1973?
Oct 7th - Norma had started at teacher training college.
Oct 9th - can't read this - what a shame! I would love to have known what it was.

My secret diary 1973 September (iv) - a funeral and musing on religion

Sept 27th (Thurs)
Even less to say  than yest. Mr H's funeral tomorrow. Ju going. She'll be so upset, and Mrs H too. Got microscope mended. Lower sixth sending flowers and we are too (mum, dad and me).

Sept 28th
Ju didn't come to school today. It was her dad's funeral. - I haven't heard from her. Didn't expect to. We sent dome flowers. I keep wanting to cry for all of them. They'll be okay, won't they? Wondering whether to send her the James Taylor card* 'You've got a friend'. School is v hard work. I'm tired all the time.

Sept 29th (Sat)
Not a tremendously exciting day.
Taking an interest in Buddhism. V interesting and nice. Done no homework. Phoned Ju.

Sept 30th
Didn't do half as much work as I should have done. Wish I could have a new character - I'd love to be a Buddhist. Hmm can you imagine me in a witness box swearing a Buddhist oath? It'd mean more than a Christian one to me. Blasphemy! Poor ol' Julie, I guess I'm lucky in a way.

*Commentary
Sept 28 - Julie had given me this for my birthday the previous year. We still have it. It has crossed between us at times when reaching out has been needed.

My secret diary 1973 September (iii) - a terrible time

Sept 21st (Fri)
Today informed that 4 of us get cheques on Speech day for getting 5 or more 1s in 'O' levels - chuff chuff. Annoyed 'cos ju said she's phone me last night and she didn't.

Sept 22nd (Sat)*
Oh my god. Ju's grandma phoned this morning - I wondered what was happening - Ju told me - her dad, Mr H, has died. Julie's dad. What can I do? They think it was a heart attack - I'm so worried for her. I'm so afraid. What can I do? Went to the Indian evening in aid of Oxfam. Dad said I should occupy myself.

Sept 23rd
Oh Jesus Christ. I feel like crying. I phoned Julie up today to see how she was and if she wanted anything. She asked me if I wanted to go to cousin J's party and help. Oh and her mum kept crying and julie did. And R was so quiet. And he's only 6 and he's got to be brought up. He sat out of all the games. He was very quiet and J kept talking.

Sept 24th (Mon)
I'm so tired and so selfish. I always seem to be thinking of me and not Julie. She came to school today and wasn't too bad, but Miss Hatch upset her so much, I felt like crying for her. Poor Julie. I'm going to see Hatch tomorrow. Dad says I should, so does S. Julie hasn't got a dog to say silly things to and I have.

Sept 25th
Ju didn't come to school today - I didn't see Miss Hatch. I saw Miss Rogerson instead - she's v nice. She mentioned it to Hatch, who hadn't seen the notice about it in the staff room. Hatch was upset and nearly crying. Been an altogether depressing day. Everyone sad. No-one happy. So quiet.

Sept 26th (Wed)
I'm very tired. There's nothing to say. Ju at school today, Miss Hatch okay. I keep feeling like I want to cry at silly things.


*Note
Sept 22 - I have only been able to transcribe these parts of my diary because Julie has given me permission to do so.