Hello, welcome to my blog

Mostly you will find, here, transcribed entries from the secret diary that I used to keep as a teenager between 1970 and 1975. I try to be honest with my transcriptions, but, just occasionally I do edit, to protect myself or others from embarrassment or some other emotion.
Also, though, I like to do a brief review of the books I have been reading, so these are interspersed throughout. I reserve the right to write blog entries, also, about other random things.
Why do I keep this blog? I don't know. I am an academic and one of my research interests is around how people construct their own identities. The diary transcriptions, and what I write about my books, are very much about revealing something of my identity.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

My secret diary 1972 June (ii)

June 12 (Mon)
Boy have I got exam fever. I'm absolutely terrified of the Russian exam - I really am. Why don't I break a leg or something and get out of it? Don't be stupid Jackie. I'm frightened of maths too. Didn't do much revision tonight. What's wrong with me?? Order of exams - Maths + Russ (Wed) Physics (Thurs) Chem + Geog (Fri) Biol (Mon) English (Tue)
June 12
Revising all day and all night, it's 10.45 now, I'm really tired out. Why am I more worried this time than last time or the year before? What's wrong with me? Feel like crying but no tears come. I haven't done as much revision as I could have. I haven't prepared my Russian oral yet - I hope it's not for tomorrow - Jesus I'm frightened.
June 14 (Wed)
Exams! Really worried - my hands were shaking before the maths exam. However the paper wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I left one question out. Russian was terrible. Also had Russian Aural - I think I've failed it. Got down to physics revision tonight - also Russian oral prep - I still don't know it.
June 15 (Thurs)
Another day of exams gone and I feel exhausted. Physics was awful. I must have left about three questions out, I'm sure. I wish I could come top in physics (I won't, SP will). Also had Russian oral, thank goodness it's over with - not too bad (I've only failed!!) I still haven't done Geog and Chemistry properly.
June 16 (Fri)
Well, I've never seen so many people so worried about an exam before. SG was crying, and even IP looked a bit worried. Carol hardly said a word before the exam. Luckily it wasn't so bad. When that was over I got in a fluster about the chemistry exam. I've hardly read through it, never mind learnt it. However not too bad, only missed about 3 questions.
June 17 (Sat)
Feels great to relax and do no studying (still got biol, Eng and maths to do though). Mum and dad went to Fleetwood to stay overnight so J came and we fended for ourselves for a bit. It was great fun. J has saved a dress for herself at C&A's - pretty nice. Got some of J's birthday present (bits and pieces) - tissues, stamps, bubble bath, seeds. What a beautiful day!!
June 18 (Sun)
It was a little bit frightening last night. We went to bed about 10pm. Poor Lady was missing mum and dad. I felt sure we were going to have burglars. However, we didn't. Been cramming myself with biology today (and J too). Been in not-too-good a mood. Never am when I've been revising too much though. I'm dreading 'O' levels next year. Done well with biology revision.

Commentary
I'm a bit embarrassed by the above angst - I usually performed reasonably well in exams, but I suppose I had to go through this whole stress performance to drive me through them. How right was it that young people were subject to these levels of stress? (albeit of their own making, to some extent) No-one talked to us about controlling our stress levels, as I recall. I don't recall ever being taught how to revise either.
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