December 1st (Sat)
Don't laugh or cringe or anything but I think I'm in love with Geoff. Seriously. Tonight me and him went to Baileys - I paid. Ju and S went too. While there, after we kissed, I didn't come out of it feeling all happy and smiley, I felt stricken and I just went all quiet*. He met mum and dad today.
December 2nd
Thinking a lot about Geoffrey. Norma is home. Went to Ju's and to social club. Chris was there. He says he's finished with girls. Seemed more friendly. Then we went to S's to rehearse Cinderella - panto.
Dec 3rd (Mon)
Ju not at school. I stil think I'm in love with Geoff, you know. I'm worried. I'm not getting on with my work very well. I ought to buck up - but I've got no will power, just love. Weather's a bit better (it's been snowing and freezing so far)
Dec 4th
Oh, I'm so confused. there seems to be so much worrying me. Julie has been off school again. I phoned up and she said that Chris and Pete had resigned from the committee and John Higgins booked DJ for 12th.
Dec 5th (Wed)
Rotten day at school. S in a bad mood, me in a mood and Julie still away. Actually I phoned her and she said she's coming tomorrow. Also Chris and Pete planning for under 18s. Went to panto rehearsal. C says she thinks Brian fancies me.
Dec 6th
Oh! I feel really annoyed and depressed. I haven't had a minute to myself recently. After school (Ju here) a man lectured on energy + then I went to Ju's for committee meeting. Okay. Not too bad. Having 2 discos.
Dec 7th (Fri)
After school (haven't much to say about school - nothing good ever happens) went out with Geoff. Went to ??? in Heywood. I love Geoff.
Dec 8th (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastle's** during day. Okay. Met a lot of new people, although none of them dead great. I'm selling tights and stockings. I got £1.98 wage, so that's not bad. After, me and C went to be in panto at S's thing. Cinderella. At old folks' party. Ok. Some people forgot their lines tho'.
Dec 9th (Sun)
During day tried to do some homework. Didn't get on too well. After went to Julie's and Royton Club committee meeting. Having do on wed. Steve making posters.
Dec 10th
Upsetting day for S. There was a joint meeting between girls' 6th form and boys' committee. While we were away someone (it was XX) wrote 'Adolph S's surname' on the blackboard. S was upset. Geoff phoned and suggested I go to his house for Xmas.
*Rambling Commentary
I'm struggling with this a bit. It feels very personal. Even the bits that are disguised because I wrote them in Russian seem to give a lot away about the personal life of the 17 year old Jackie. Am I betraying her privacy? Perhaps more importantly, am I betraying the privacy of Geoff, who (I assume) does not know that I am writing about him?
These are moral dilemmas which create a tension with my wish / compulsion to transcribe the diary as fully and honestly as possible. Why do I want to do this? Because it is an interesting exercise and experiment in which I explore the young me and expose her to myself and others.
Am I pursuing what might be morally wrong, in order to explore and experiment? It's an age old ethical dilemma for scientists :-/
How far can I go? Will there come a point when I decide to stop for ethical reasons (as opposed to laziness)?
**Focused commentary
Dec 8 - Hardcastle's was a refined ladies' department store in Oldham. On the ground floor, as you went in, there was a glass-fronted island counter which was the stockings and tights counter. A lady called Miss Hood was in charge. I was the Saturday girl and there was one other full-timer who told funny stories and got into trouble with Miss Hood.. We sold 15, 20, 30, 40 denier stockings and tights. Names trot though my head - Charnos, Wolsey, Aristoc. American Tan, Mink, Nearly Nude, Barely Black. We sold silk and Lisle stockings. We sold with and without seams. Pretty Polly Hold-ups. We were opposite the gloves and handkerchief counter. Ladies fashions were upstairs, and school uniforms were too. There was one of those old fashioned lifts - you had to pull the metal gate closed and then turn the handle to activate the lift.
Don't laugh or cringe or anything but I think I'm in love with Geoff. Seriously. Tonight me and him went to Baileys - I paid. Ju and S went too. While there, after we kissed, I didn't come out of it feeling all happy and smiley, I felt stricken and I just went all quiet*. He met mum and dad today.
December 2nd
Thinking a lot about Geoffrey. Norma is home. Went to Ju's and to social club. Chris was there. He says he's finished with girls. Seemed more friendly. Then we went to S's to rehearse Cinderella - panto.
Dec 3rd (Mon)
Ju not at school. I stil think I'm in love with Geoff, you know. I'm worried. I'm not getting on with my work very well. I ought to buck up - but I've got no will power, just love. Weather's a bit better (it's been snowing and freezing so far)
Dec 4th
Oh, I'm so confused. there seems to be so much worrying me. Julie has been off school again. I phoned up and she said that Chris and Pete had resigned from the committee and John Higgins booked DJ for 12th.
Dec 5th (Wed)
Rotten day at school. S in a bad mood, me in a mood and Julie still away. Actually I phoned her and she said she's coming tomorrow. Also Chris and Pete planning for under 18s. Went to panto rehearsal. C says she thinks Brian fancies me.
Dec 6th
Oh! I feel really annoyed and depressed. I haven't had a minute to myself recently. After school (Ju here) a man lectured on energy + then I went to Ju's for committee meeting. Okay. Not too bad. Having 2 discos.
Dec 7th (Fri)
After school (haven't much to say about school - nothing good ever happens) went out with Geoff. Went to ??? in Heywood. I love Geoff.
Dec 8th (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastle's** during day. Okay. Met a lot of new people, although none of them dead great. I'm selling tights and stockings. I got £1.98 wage, so that's not bad. After, me and C went to be in panto at S's thing. Cinderella. At old folks' party. Ok. Some people forgot their lines tho'.
Dec 9th (Sun)
During day tried to do some homework. Didn't get on too well. After went to Julie's and Royton Club committee meeting. Having do on wed. Steve making posters.
Dec 10th
Upsetting day for S. There was a joint meeting between girls' 6th form and boys' committee. While we were away someone (it was XX) wrote 'Adolph S's surname' on the blackboard. S was upset. Geoff phoned and suggested I go to his house for Xmas.
*Rambling Commentary
I'm struggling with this a bit. It feels very personal. Even the bits that are disguised because I wrote them in Russian seem to give a lot away about the personal life of the 17 year old Jackie. Am I betraying her privacy? Perhaps more importantly, am I betraying the privacy of Geoff, who (I assume) does not know that I am writing about him?
These are moral dilemmas which create a tension with my wish / compulsion to transcribe the diary as fully and honestly as possible. Why do I want to do this? Because it is an interesting exercise and experiment in which I explore the young me and expose her to myself and others.
Am I pursuing what might be morally wrong, in order to explore and experiment? It's an age old ethical dilemma for scientists :-/
How far can I go? Will there come a point when I decide to stop for ethical reasons (as opposed to laziness)?
**Focused commentary
Dec 8 - Hardcastle's was a refined ladies' department store in Oldham. On the ground floor, as you went in, there was a glass-fronted island counter which was the stockings and tights counter. A lady called Miss Hood was in charge. I was the Saturday girl and there was one other full-timer who told funny stories and got into trouble with Miss Hood.. We sold 15, 20, 30, 40 denier stockings and tights. Names trot though my head - Charnos, Wolsey, Aristoc. American Tan, Mink, Nearly Nude, Barely Black. We sold silk and Lisle stockings. We sold with and without seams. Pretty Polly Hold-ups. We were opposite the gloves and handkerchief counter. Ladies fashions were upstairs, and school uniforms were too. There was one of those old fashioned lifts - you had to pull the metal gate closed and then turn the handle to activate the lift.
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