A short eulogy

This is the short piece that I read out at Julie's funeral. The longer version is below.

Julie Williamson nee Hurdus 24.6.57 – 14.12.14

I’ve been friends with Julie for 47 years, since we were 11. She was my best friend. We’ve kept in touch over the years, sharing each other’s ups and downs.

I wrote a long speech about how

·      she could fill any occasion with fun and laughter,

·      she was always there to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a practical helping hand when it was needed.

·      she was intelligent, but down to earth and so positive, welcoming and encouraging.

·      she was intertwined, through love, with the men in her life, Richard, Harry, Ryan, Adam, and last, but not least her steady rock, Jack.

Anyway, I agonised writing this long speech. It had lots of stories to illustrate everything I wanted to say about Julie. Then I found out that I had to reduce it to 2 minutes. I could hear Julie chuckling over my shoulder!

You don’t need my stories anyway. I know you’ll have your own. So I’m going to let her speak for herself.

In August this year I invited Julie, on facebook, to do the ‘Positivity Challenge’ – a thing that was doing the rounds where you had to say three positive things about your life each day. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind me sharing some of the things she put:

14^th August

1)    A whole host of medical appointments and things with Jack were POSITIVE - yay!!

2)    I'm sooooooooo tired I feel like I could fall asleep standing up, but loved ones just keep me giong and going and going ........

3)    I'm so lucky to have my family around me, albeit exceptionally depleted. Each and every one is worth a million people.

4)    And I'm so lucky, too, to have friends that really do accept me warts and all and stick with me, come what may.

5)    And how lucky am I to have a computer and be able to read what you're all up to? So many of you make me smile or giggle with your comments and so on! And that's brill to kickstart Positive Days!

6)    So a big "thank you" to everybody! For contributing to my "lucky" and "Positive" life. And for making me laugh at times when it could be so difficult to do so. And for those that do, for loving me. xxxxxxx

I loved Julie very much and I’m going to miss her.

Jackie Taylor

A slightly longer eulogy.

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Julie Williamson nee Hurdus 24.6.57 – 14.12.14

It was 26^th November 2005 when I began to understand how intertwined with my life Julie was. I can’t remember who sent the text, her or me, but the text said ‘George Best has died.’ and was quickly followed by a phone conversation in which she and I reminisced about the crush that we both had on George in our teens, and how we used to hang about outside his boutique in Manchester to catch a sight of him, and how Carol Stott took us to stand in the Stretford End Paddock, to see United play. Carol was a real football fan; Julie and I just wanted George to be our boyfriend. But I ended up with Paul, and Julie ended up with Jack…..

I wanted to say a few words so that I could share with you what Julie meant to me, but every time I tried to plan what I would say, I kept being interrupted by vivid memories, like this, of things that Julie and I had done together. I reprimanded myself, and said ‘this is not about you, Jackie Taylor! Write about Julie!’

But of course for me, and I guess for everyone here, the reason we are here is because Julie has planted herself in our hearts. Julie is in my heart and, the more I think about it, she is actually part of my self – we knew each other for 46 years.

Here are some of my memories. I’m sharing them because I think you will recognise the person I’m talking about.

I was at school with Julie. We met in 1968 when we were 11. There were a group of us who hung about together and looked after each other in the slightly scary world of the Hulme Grammar School for Girls, Oldham. We used to walk home from school, wearing our blue velour hats, gossiping and giggling. Boy could we giggle. But Julie was the best giggler of all. Just by saying daft things and pointing out the absurdities of our daily life she would have us laughing until we cried!

We were best friends, Julie and I. We virtually lived at each other’s houses. We used to sleep over, sharing secrets and giggling until we slept. She used to say my mum was her second mum. It was the 1970s. We would have Nesquik milk shakes and Spam fritters and chips. At 53 Broadway, I was made to feel like one of the family by Greta and Harry, Kathy and Richard. They took me on holiday with them to Spain when we were about 15. It was like a long road trip! What an adventure! I remember us flirting with boys, dancing to Santana, Gary Glitter and Slade and long car journeys with Greta and Harry singing songs from musicals, with Richard, at the age of 5, sitting on my knee and sucking his thumb. Julie came from a family who knew how to laugh, love and have fun.

I remember the day Julie’s dad died. She was only 16 and it hit her hard. He was a larger than life figure and she missed him. She became a bit more remote from us all for a while, but, you know, she was still there for me when I needed her help.

After we left school went our separate ways, following our educations and careers, but we always kept in touch, writing and phoning.

We were at each other’s weddings. We supported each other at the death of each parent. We followed the trials and tribulations of each other’s lives and families: illnesses, celebrations, regrets, mistakes, careers, house moves.

Julie, with her abilities in languages and her astute sense of business had set up her own travel agency, and then later went into further and higher education, working as a lecturer and becoming a departmental head. She had such a down-to-earth, positive, and encouraging attitude, she must have been an inspiring teacher and a great colleague and manager (I have seen the facebook tributes, so I know this is true).

Paul and I moved house a few years ago, Julie and Jack were there for us on the day of the move, hanging curtains, painting shelves, laughing and helping to keep things in perspective. It was so much appreciated. It’s what friendship is about – a shoulder to cry on or practical help when it is needed and Julie was one of the best at doing both these things. Julie was a giver.

I watched Julie go through a hard time when her sister Kathy was ill. She gave so much of herself in trying to support Kathy and her boys, and after Kathy sadly died, the boys knew that they had a second mum waiting in the wings. Auntie Julie was so proud of her boys. Proud of Ryan’s adventures in Australia, proud of Adam’s achievements at school, and his lovely singing voice (she made us sit and listen to a CD one day when we visited) and proud of Harry’s abilities as an artist. In fact she promoted Harry so well, I ended up with one of his fine paintings hanging on my wall! I bet she wasn’t perfect, and I bet she drove you mad at times, but you know, Ryan, Harry and Adam, she was so proud of you and would have fought for you if she had to.

In recent years, through facebook Julie and I renewed links with several of the ‘old girls’ from Hulme. So in 2012 we went on another road trip, this time to Cambridge, to meet up with Carol Stott. We 3 hadn’t been together for probably 30 years! We didn’t stop talking and laughing. And here’s a little story from that road trip. I don’t know if it’ll make me giggle or cry. We stayed one night in a hotel. We lay in our twin beds talking and laughing just as we used to do when we were 14. I can’t recall what we were talking about but Julie suddenly said ‘Course, you know that I’m not technically married?’ Silence. I tried to take this in. I was stunned. What was Julie trying to say to me? I was at her wedding! I said ‘Julie, I don’t know what you mean…… you’re not technically married?’ Silence – she looked at me, puzzled, and then burst out into fits of laughter – ‘NO you deaf bugger! I said I’m not technically minded!! Not not technically married!!!!!!’ And we both fell into one of those helpless fits of laughter.

There are 2 things about that silly story that are important.

The first is the shock I had at the idea of Julie and Jack not being technically married, because of course, as long as I have known them, they have been intertwined as one. 2 rocks supporting each other. 2 friends, comfortable and enjoying each other’s company. I’m sure like all couples, they’ve had their ups and downs, but they had a togetherness that was a pleasure to be with. Such a strong togetherness that Julie must be embedded, like a diamond, in your heart, Jack.

The second thing about that story is that laughter features so much in many of my memories of Julie. As my sister, Norma said (and another of Julie’s facebook friends) there has never been, and I’m sure will never be, someone who can provoke laughter and giggles quite so much as Julie. Won’t we miss her for that? Won’t we miss her for her loyalty and her generosity of spirit? For her ability to make you feel welcome and loved and appreciated? For her shoulder which we could weep on, and her hands that offered practical help? For her sharp intelligence, that often came disguised as an innocent and playful remark?

I’m going to keep Julie, as part of myself, in my heart, and if I can be half as generous, loyal and laughter-filled as she was, then I’ll feel I’ve done alright.

Jackie Taylor

My secret teenage diary 1974 December (ii) in which my 5 year diary runs out of space.

This is a transcription of the very last 2 weeks in my 5 year diary, which I kept from January 1970 to December 1974, from when I was 13 years old to when I was 18. Such significant years for a girl growing up!
My diary has been about my every-day school life, my family relationships, my friendships, dealing with conflicts, a growing awareness of politics, boyfriends and starting to enter the world of work. Of course it has been about much more than this. It has also been about making observations about events that I didn't fully appreciate the meaning of at the time, it was about grappling with my emotional turmoil. It was about being a drama queen and starting to understand that I wasn't the centre of everyone's life. It was about growing up - a working class girl in a changing world.

But here is the most important thing. The strong central core that ran right through the centre of all my diary entries was my friendship with Julie. As my facebook friend, now that we are in our late 50s, she has always been there to read and comment on my transcribed diary entries, which provided a commentary on our teenage years. Sometimes she commented publicly and sometimes privately. I checked with her about sensitive issues coming up. She knew that I sometimes edited when I was transcribing our arguments, or my jealousies.
And now, before the final diary entry, Julie has died, and a piece of my heart and my self has been lost.
How can my self, my identity, my memories or my thoughts be the same now that someone who has been intertwined with me since 1968 has gone?

I dedicate this entry, and, indeed, my diary-blog, to Julie Williamson (nee Hurdus), who died on 14.12.14.

December 17 (Tue)
Julie wasn't at school again - poor old thing. My eyes are feeling sore and I have a headache - maybe it's the pill? I started doing the house points and I practiced reading for the Carol Service. Sick of school and depressed.

Dec 18
Carol Service. Had to read, but apart from that nice. Hee. I'm a little tipsy. Ju phoned had a long deep talk about what's going on. Glad.

Dec 19 (Thur)
Broke up from school at last. Dance at night-time (6th form) I was jealous like mad when I saw that X and Y fancied Julie.  Never mind. Got a Christmas kiss from X. Not a very good kisser, not as good as my G. Someone pinched my purse.

Dec 20th
Annoyed about my purse. Some money in it, keys etc. I was a bit drunk last night. Phoned police about purse, but AW found it - good! Me and Ju went to Yarnspinners for drinks. Nice night.

Dec 21 (Sat)
Hardcastles. Normal but busy. Only 4 days to Christmas! Keep getting headaches. Think it's the pill. Got purse back. Saw Geoff. Went for drink with Barry and Lorraine. I was bored stiff and cried with G. He's so kind.

Dec 22nd
Worried because mum and dad will be alone for Xmas. Hope they go to Aunty Emma's. Went carol-singing at Oldham Boundary Park Hospital. OK - a bit unsettling. Then went to Yarnspinners, where it was great, then tried to get into Baileys with G, Lindsey and Mark, but didn't get in, so went back to pub.

Dec 23rd
Xmas shopping today - yuck - but q happy in Oldham. Got Norma a locket, mum a jumper, dad a record. G - well only half got. Saw The Graduate on TV.

Dec 24th
Xmas Eve and we went out with Barry and Lorraine.  I set off determined to enjoy myself. I did. Mum was upset about me leaving them for Xmas, I think - but I didn't know what to do. Joan is in hospital with appendicitis.

Dec 25th
Yeah! Xmas day gets to be more of a disappointment every year. I wish I'd stayed at home really. I felt guilty about mum and dad. All they do at Geoff's is watch TV and eat. There was a party at night which was ok.

Dec 26th
Went back to my  house after a lovely meal with all trimmings. Listened to records and then he went home. Ju phoned to say she is going to Yarnspinners with X and pals. Wish I were going.

Dec 27th (Fri)
Always wishing I was doing what other people are doing. Mad with Ju for going out so much without me! Stop being so stupid and see some sense. In a bad mood.

Dec 28th
Oh - excitement at Hardcastles - United played Latics today in Oldham. Latics won, so Utd fans went on rampage through Oldham and broke Hardcastes window. We were sent home early. Out with G.

Dec 29th
Got G Neil Young's 'Harvest' - nice. He was pleased. Oh, I  love him. Spent today sewing and reading and listening to records. Did I say I've got an interview at Birmingham University? Doesn't time fly?

Dec 30th (Mon)
A day of  nothing. In fact a waste. Keep wanting G. Ju phoned. She's visited P. She was strange. Upset?

Dec 31st
Well, that's 5 years over and done with. God, doesn't time fly? If 1970 was a MORE year, this has been a LESS year. We've had shortages - less sugar, less bread, less friendliness. There was Nixon and Watergate, the 3 day week - oh - a hell of a lot. Bye Bye 1974. Jackie x.

My secret teenage diary 1974 December (i) in which I go to the doctors and am in a partially successful panto.

Special note before the diary entries:
I've no idea who reads this blog, and my teenage diary from the 1970s, but here is a warning - this is the penultimate entry. I kept my diary from 1st January 1970 until 31st December 1974, in the little brown lockable 5 year diary that Auntie May gave me when I was 13 years old. I think I went on to keep a diary in a notebook, but I'm not sure that I still have it. It's unlikely I would have just stopped abruptly at the end of 1974. If I ever find it maybe I'll transcribe it, because it would tell of my applications for university and my life at university, and would reveal how my relationships with friends and boyfriends progressed as I grew up .......

Dec 1st (Mon)
V boring and tiring day.

Dec 2nd
Another boring day

Dec 3rd
nothing to write about. Doing Panto rehearsals all the time. Ju still away.

Dec 5th (Thur)
Big row about panto between X and rest of people. I kept out.

Dec 6th
Busy day at school then another row with G. I'm probably being stubborn, but he doesn't realise how it feels to be paid for all the time. Saw Wendy while we were rowing. I sulked for ages and then stormed off, crying to find my own way home. Then I turned back to find him and he was looking for me. Glad.

Dec 7th (Sat)
Got Monday off school (Speech day Holiday). Worked today. Another Saturday girl started. Seems friendly  Went out with G, it was a lot better, but there is still something wrong. Nearly had a crash coming home in taxi. A car skidded across road in front of us luckily our driver got out of way in time. We could have been killed.

Dec 8th
Oh lovely! Day off tomorrow. Had a nice day - been sewing and reading. Going to doctor's tomorrow. Nervous*.

Dec 9th
What a nice day! Went to docs. Gave my prescription for pill, no trouble. Went to chemist's. Got them. Went into town. Got 'Tale of Two Cities' for 10p, got pressies from Oxfam shop for people at school. Got single - Shepherd's Song - nice. - a nice day generally. Supposed to be a 6th form meeting but only 5 turned up. R phoned me and we talked for an hour.

Dec 10th
Practicing frantically for panto

Dec 11th (Wed)
First showing of panto - quite good. The dance was mucked up though - q funny really - the needle on the record player jumped, so we all did our own thing, resulting in a hit.

Dec 12th
2nd showing of panto, far better. Nice, and bigger audience - a great success. Crocodile dance still went wrong though.

Dec 13th
Don't feel like writing much.Didn't argue with G. Nice evening.

Dec 14th (Sat)
Nice day working at Hardcastles.

Dec 15th
Nearly at the end of this diary now - Ah well. Another year soon. Boring day today - done a lot of sewing and lazing around. Sent Xmas cards, put tree up (awful plastic one). Took me ages to pluck up courage to take first pill. Did do.

Dec 16th
I hate Mondays especially when we do a panto and it's a flop. specially when I find out that Ju is going through such a bad time. Poor Ju.

*Commentary
Dec 8th - I had decided to go on the pill. The only way that I could see of doing this was to go to our family GP, an elderly (in my eyes), dour, Scottish doctor who had been our family doctor for ever. I'm  not sure what the law was at the time around family planning. I felt like a child, I was out of my depth, but trying to assert my rights and behave responsibly, without my parents finding out.

My secret teenage diary 1974 November (ii) in which bombs kill people in Birmingham

18th
Little to say - going to doctor's tomorrow - P might too. Had to sit in detention with UIVF - poor kids - Nowt else exciting

19th
A few exciting (?) happenings. First I got a cheque for £100 - the May Thompson Bequest. Then J turned up at school in tears - there's something wrong - to do with her boyfriend. Lastly - I went to doctors to talk about verucca and pill. He said could I come back and talk to him about it - I said okay - and that was it!! He seemed reluctant.

20th (Wed)
Another 6th form meeting - next dance December 19th. Carol singing 22nd.

21st
Just got a shock. 14 people killed by bombs in Birmingham - see sheet. G phoned. I'm feeling happy, but we argued about J who hasn't been at school for ages. She has a driving test tomorrow poor Ju.
(An extra note is slipped into my diary)
"An IRA man got killed, so his funeral was in Birmingham. Birmingham council said no IRA marches would be allowed - I read that in the paper this morning. This evening I hear that 2 pubs have been blown up in Brum - 14 people killed. Oh why? Norma said she knew the pubs. She said all young people go in them. Why?"

22nd (Fri)
Busy weekend. J been off school all week. She failed her driving test - poor old Ju. She's got bad pains.  A girl got assaulted by a fella near school. Birmingham bomb blasts - IRA 6 men charged with murder.

23rd
Working at Hardcastles - I've lost my voice and got pneumonia though. Got Carol's birthday present (her party tomorrow). Went out with G.

24th (Sun)
Carol's party - very good - I didn't want to go, felt ill and yucky but we had a good time. G and Paul got on well. S was really funny - hilarious - nice night.

25th
Nothing unusual. Everyone happy after party last night. Ju ill with pains. She went to doctor after school and phoned me. Said either appendicitis or colitis or something else. She's worried.

26th (Tues)
S away from school today. Her grandma died. Getting on with panto at school. Found all sorts in cupboard at school - props, jewels and allsorts.

27th
Got a bad cough - fed up. Another committee meeting. Met R and P on bus - nice - fancy both of them a bit - it's getting silly.

28th
We've got one week and a bit to the panto and we've only practised half of it. Ah well.

29th (Fri)
Ok at school. S's gran's funeral in morning and she had an exam in afternoon, poor thing. Life goes on. G and I stayed in tonight - he's flat broke.

30th
Hardcastle's wasn't very nice. Barbara and Miss hoodless were rowing all the time. What can you do? Stupid things. I had a row with G tonight. I ended up crying. He just doesn't understand me.

Rosie Harris - just finished reading....

Love changes everything by Rosie Harris (audio)

4/10



Well, it serves me right. Why, oh why do I get this kind of book? Well, as you  know, it's because I listen in the car, and I don't want to crash because there is too much to think about and concentrate on. This book fulfils this requirement.

Poor girl living in Liverpool with poor family in the 1920s. Cruel father.  Ineffective mother, but Trixie loves her dearly anyway. Sister with learning disabilities. Down hill all the way until the last CD.
It starts with cruel dad finding her a job on the production line of the biscuit factory, then  moves on to him selling her into slavery and imprisonment with his nasty drinking buddy (foreman at the biscuit factory). Cut-throat razor, blood, hospital, handsome boy called Andrew, rescue, terrible tram accident, injuries, a death, home circumstances worsen beyond belief.
Take a breather.

Drudgery, cruelty, violence, some good friends, a neglectful boyfriend, another death, worse cruelty, planning an escape, hardship, a very poorly girl, hospital, misunderstandings and a lot of snow and slush.
Take a breather

true love is sorted out. Happy ever after for all those who deserve it, except ineffective mother, who is dead and sorely missed.

Of course, I mock, but I still like these books for the car. I can travel 22 miles and not know how I got from A to B because I am so caught up with the Trixies and the Sallys and the Mollys and the Susies.

Lillian Harry - just finished reading / listening.....

A Farthing Will Do by Lillian Harry (audio)

5/10, no 6/10

Listened to this in the car, so it is predictably easy and a lacking in depth.
It might have been cleverer than I thought because the values it portrayed did seem to be those of the 1940s, and so I couldn't work out whether it was written recently or back then.
Follows three women's lives just as the second World War is ending. Everyone in this small rural village has to make adjustments as the men come home from the war, the evacuee children start to go back to the big cities and the land-girls go home.
Actually, I'm just upgrading it from 5 to 6 out of 10. This book made me think about women's lives, roles and occupations and how the war and the end of the war had its impact. Women had to be seen differently, after they had been keeping industry, farming and public services running in the duration of the war. But how would men deal with this on their return?

Easy listening. Shame about the lengthy and silly focus on a love affair that was going nowhere. Serves me right for choosing easy  books for the car. But at least it didn't cause any motoring accidents by distracting me too much.

Nicholas Sparks - just finished reading ....

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

6/10

What an intense love-story! I read it in about 4 days. Very nice, very poignant towards the end. A perfect relationship? Does this ever happen?
Not a very satisfying story, I think.

I find myself at odds with most Amazon reviewers, who drooled over it.

The-Notebook-Nicholas-Sparks

My secret teenage diary 1974 November (i) - in which my career in speaking to audiences begins, we have a dance and I struggle with my parents

1st (Fri)
Fed up. Go back to school on Monday - I'm nervous about Speech day. I don;t even like to think about it. Dad won't do speech. Ju came for dinner, we did some maths and talked a lot. SG phoned up. Said he's got girl trouble and wants my advice. Went on pub crawl with G. He said he's been jealous.

2nd
Worked at Hardcastles. Boring. Got pay rise - £3.22 now - not bad. I went to Rochdale and an Italian man tried to chat me up on the bus!

3rd
Behind with diary and I hate catching up. Going to get a new diary next year. Been upset today 'cos dad says he won't do speech. Am I being selfish? Yes!

4th (Mon)
Another 6th form committee meeting. SG brought American Pie for me to borrow. Lovely! Got round dad a little bit. I do so want him to speak. Very tired and nervous.

5th
I'm getting a bit nervous about the dance now. Hope nowt goes wrong. SG phoned - wanted advice about various things - didn't get it. My crush has died down a bit now. Mum ill. Dad not too well I'm miserable  Lady ill.

6th (wed)
I might be the head of the crocodile in the panto - whippee! Sellin poppies at school. Feeling happy, unusually.

7th
I'm frightened. I sometimes think that I'm insane. One minute I'm up and happy, the next minute I'm down for  hardly any reason. I was happy, all was fine - I've won a bequest prize at school - came home, proudly told mum and dad - they asked me how much it was, jokingly, then they started talking about something else. Made me cry.

8th
Our dance tonight at Chadd Town Hall. G didn't come. It was a great success. I fancied S all night but behaved. T was drunk on vodka - we had a great time. All my friends. I missed G though. Nasty  incident with Mrs Stanton and one of my class mates. Hell

9th (Sat)
Normal day at Hardcastles. Miss Hoodless is back and Barbara is back to her normal sulky self. I'm on top of the world about the dance and everything in the garden's rosy.

10th
Weird times - people change. Me, Ju and S all going steady, E too. - it's frightening. People sending off for  universities. I'm scared of life. I love G.

11th
Normal day at school. Sick of the bloody Speech Day rehearsals. At last dad has written to Miss Crabtree to say he'll do the speech and I feel like a prize cow for making him. Bought E a birthday present - paper and calendar - nice.

12th (Tue)
Getting very, very nervous about Speech day tomorrow. We wrote dad's speech tonight and I've been practicing mine. I'm nervous. Dance got a write-up in the paper last night. Phoned SG to tell him.

13th
Oh well. The BIG DAY has come and gone - speech day, that is. I did okay, too. I think dad was very very nervous but he did all right. I got congratulated all round and everyone was very nice. Just one thing - Miss Crabtree says she wants to see me tomorrow morning. What the hell for?

14th
People were really nice, congratulating me about my speech. Im so proud! Crabtree only wanted to see me about Speech Day holiday. I think my crush on S is dying down a bit now. He annoys me sometimes. Had another meeting about an Xmas dance.

15th
Suffering from bad depressions just recently. Today not too bad really. Fell on the way to catch the 409 bus to meet G and grazed my chin and knee. I love G lots. He's silly like m, but I'm sacred of hurting him.

16th (Sat)
A woman in Hardcastles thought I called her 'fat bottom' today - it was hilarious! But I was talking to my friend. In a giddy mood with G, but then got depressed and upset him

17th
Nothing. Boring day.

Joseph O'Connor - Just finished reading ....

Redemption Falls by Joseph O'Connor

9/10


Not sure I could give full marks to a book that made me feel so uncomfortable in parts - though it could be argued that the job of good literature is to prod and poke people out of their complacency. The start of this book is one of the most harrowing chapters I have ever read.

John Wayne movies, Bonanza, The High Chaparral, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - these were my previous sources of knowledge about the pioneering, early days of America. Now Redemption Falls has changed all that - a much harsher, realistic view of what it was like to travel, live, survive (or not) in the days before towns had names and people struggled to make a living. The country was trying to make itself whole and habitable after the Civil War. People had a closeness to their European roots.

This is a story about a particular Irishman and the people around him Do we like him? Has he got principles? Is he vain and arrogant? Is he kind and brave? And what about the boy he takes under his wing? How can we like him? Do we care if he survives?
And what about the women associated with James O'Keeffe and young Jeddo? Can we understand and empathise with them?

There is another chapter in this  book that is almost unbearably harrowing. Joseph O'Connor puts a suggestion in your mind of something terrible but unspoken - so your mind produces horrible things you didn't know that your mind could contain. It is a skilled author who can make you aware of your own potential for evil and cruel thoughts.

O'Connor is also skilled because he uses different media to construct the narrative. It is like a scrapbook, and sometimes you have to add the clues together to see the full picture.

There is humanity in this book, and a deeper understanding of what America may have been through in its history. I think people should read it. But like Star of the Sea and The Salesman  don't expect an easy ride.

My secret teenage diary 1974 October (ii) - in which I was very miserable, developed a new love interest and had a nice birthday.

16th (Wed)
Better at school - sorted out panto a bit - doing Peter Pan. I'm in an awful mood still - I'm bogged down with work and I'm lazy and I've got a constant headache. You see I've got  no will power to make me work. Went to dentist. He's new and very nice.

17th
Had chem test - not too bad - really!! Better mood but life is still getting me down. Went to a meeting of 6th form committee. Got tickets for dance. You know something? I fancy SG a bit. In fact, quite a lot. He wears a black mac and blushes a lot. Dry sense of humour.

18th (Fri)
not too bad really today. Went to see Crabtree - we can sell tickets for the dance. Went out with G. Feel as if I am just drifting along and my life is being moulded by bossy people. I'm being carried along and I'm lonely.

19th (Sat)
I worked. How can anyone be so fickle and 2-faced as me? Not sure about G. We went out and I got home really late. Mum was mad with me. She's always moaning. I'm always weepy.

20th
Don't know how to ask dad again about Speech day*. I feel very nervous - I'm scared and I'm sick of everything We bathed Lady and I ended up shouting at everyone. Oh Diary, you've got a lot of my tears on you. Maybe next week will be better.

21st (Mon)
No tears tonight. I haven't got any left. Dad says he won't do a speech on Speech Day. HELL. Am I being selfish expecting him to? We're all going to Baileys on Thursday. Why would anything go right?

22nd
Oh what-ho, jolly good ol' chum! Just been to the Boy's Speech day. Nerve-wracking but nice. At the reception afterwards I was introduced to millions of people. Posh. I sidled away to Deputy Head Boy and co and nattered to them. Don't know what Crabtree thought.

23rd
Feeling happier. Building up for my birthday. Feeling very very guilty because I fancy SG like mad. He phoned me and talked for ages, but he seems shy in meetings.

24th - My birthday!
Triffic day. Got loads of birthday cards and some pressies at school. Ju got me a fluffy elephant called Humphrey and a lovely book called 'you're my kind of friend'. I was upset because we seemed to have drifted apart. S & C got me a purse and P got me  Snoopy letter paper. W got me some smellies. Had test in Biol. OK. Went to Baileys with Ju and S, P and H and C. We had a great time dancing. I had too much to drink. S stayed over at ours. Very tired, but happy.

25th (Fri)
Broke up at dinner time for half term. In evening went for meal with G. He got me a lovely silver pendant. Happy. We went to Royal Toby in Middleton and I had a massive steak that I couldn't eat.

26 (Sat)
At Hardcastle's. Miss Hoodless away with laryngitis - lying in too much damp grass on holiday with Harry, Mr ashton said!! - Cheek!! G's mum and dad bought me a Mamas and Papas LP. Happy and content.

27th (Sun)
Wasted day, did nowt.

28th
Went to town, got some material to start a dress. Signed a petition about the market hall - made me feel good and adult. Norma got me a weekend case, a record case and a Beatles LP for birthday. Nice!

29th
Did some hmwrk, then some sewing, and then went to Spastics evening at Heathbank with W. At 10.30, Ju phoned - yeah! She's coming round tomorrow.

30th
Nice day - didn't do much.

31st
Few of us from committee went out for a drink - had great time. G not happy - he wants me on a leash.


*Commentary
20th - Because I was Head Girl, dad had to give a speech at Speech day. He didn't want to. He was very shy and had never done any public speaking. We were out of our depth. I was mortified by the idea that he might refuse to do it. Lady was our dog.

My secret teenage diary 1974 October (i) in which I finally get a record player, but Oldham Market Hall burns down and I cry.

October 1st (Tues) 
Got up at 6.30am to do some work and went to school early. Me and s had a talk about how we've all changed so much - E & J & me and s. Did a lot of hmwk at home, going to 6th form committee meeting tomorrow.

2nd
6th form meeting - v nice. More people there this time. RB kept quiet! PR was there too, and MP. Ju was away from school today. Don't know why. Shall I phone? Don't know how to tell Miss Crabtree about dance.

3rd
Ju still away. Hey, hey - I got my record player! We haven't put a plug on it yet though. I'm all excited. Miss Turner was v nice today. She helped me write my speech (my 'formal reply') for Boys' Speech Day. Discussed dresses and posters.

4th (Fri)
normal day at school. Life seems to be gathering speed. I went out with G. Was in bad mood on bus on way down. Met WP, who tried to cheer me up. G will have to get used to  my sulks. they're my worst fault (I think)

5th (Sat)
Near every one of my birthdays there is a disaster. I wonder if this was it? Oldham Market Hall got burnt down to nothing at 3am this morning. I was so shocked when I suddenly saw the charred frame. I was on the bus going to work. I cried.

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/nostalgia/market-destroyed-by-blaze-1145707

6th
Did some sewing, hmwk, nothing special. Played record player - something up with one of speakers, though - will have to phone Asda.

7th (Mon)
Back to school again. Still very sad about Market Hall - all those people - all that history - it's such a crying shame. Had another 6th form committee meeting. It was very good and funny. RC was there - who I was at infant school with! He's head boy of Blue-Coat school now. had a good time.

8th
Ju still away. S away too. We went to a film at film club after school 'Passion' Swedish - disappointing ending. Cousin Marion's daughter Susan came round with her boyfriend, M, who Ju used to go out with.

9th
No energy and lost temper today. Trying to organise pantomime and no-one is helpful. Hell.

10th 
(Thur) Took my record player back to Asda - got a new one which is okay.

11th
Ju came to school today - I really don't know what's up with her. Went to Tiffany's with G. He said he'd been thinking about marriage. He scared the daylights out of me.

12th (Sat)
Still worried about what G said. On my mind and I need to talk it over with someone.

14th (Mon)
Bloody awful day. Stomach pains and for some reason S had been opposing all my ideas. She's trying to organise my birthday do! Not happy! I'm miserable.

15th
Started off another rotten day but got better. This business with G and the idea of marriage getting me down. S and I had a row. I went off in a huff. Poured problems out on W. Talked to S about it later.

My secret teenage diary 1974 September (ii) in which I am very miserable, I help organise a dance and I buy an LP in anticipation of a record player.

Sept 16th (Mon)
ok day. V tired, V in love. Got a  letter from head boy of Kaskenmoor asking us to attend a meeting of 6th formers there in Sept. Crabtree had 'accidentally' opened it. Norma's first teaching day. OK. Prefects tomorrow.

17th
depressed. e learned about reproduction in biology. Ha.

18th (Wed)
Another nothing day, but not wasted, I've learned a lot at school (I think). Went to see Uncle Joe in hospital. I felt uncomfy really. He's not very good, paralysed down left side.. I'm still searching for a record player.

20th
okay at school. Life is v v full and I spend all my time chasing round after people at school.

21st
Went out with G but in a rotten mood. I sometimes hate him. But then I love him again.

22nd (Sun)
nothing day. messed about all day.

23rd (Mon)
Rushing around at school, chasing people. Prefect meeting. Fed up.

24th
Ok day. everything went ok. General bustle and v busy, but not too bad. I'm going to have to gather enough will-power to make myself work hard though. Saw 'Women in Love' at film theatre. It was silly.

25th
After school went to a 6th form meeting. 5 schools represented. Nice lad chaired the meeting. We decided to have a joint dance for Halloween at Town Hall.

26th
At school went to a discussion about the film (Women n Love). It didn't make things a lot clearer. S put a wet blanket on the dance idea. After school RB from Kaskenmoor phoned and said that Chadderton Town Hall was available for our dance. We dissected a rat in biology. Whippee.

27th
Went to see Crabtree about the dance and she basically 'approves'. It wasn't okay at school today. I actually lost my temper - told 2 girls off and I stormed out on S. All settled afterwards.

28th (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastles. Got stuck working in the basement at least half of today. It was ok but I thought i was being used as a general dogsbody. Not just at the shop. By everyone - mum and dad looking at post office book, buying me a new bedspread, not asking my opinion. To top it all I was half and hour late for G and he was annoyed. It wasn't my fault.

29th
Another bloody wasted day. Got up at 12 and did nothing until 6, then I felt so fed up and lonely and as though I'm being used all the time. I want so desperately to be independent and capable of fending for myself. I wish I could help Ju.

30th (Mon)
Okay day. Bought LP  Bridge over Troubled Water for my new record player which I hope will materialise on Wednesday. Went to see Crabtree about university. Went to bed really late.

My secret teenage diary 1974 September (i) in which I begin with teenage nihilism and progress to the age of Aquarius .....

September
1st (Sun)
Today didn't exist. It was wasted again. Norma went away, I sewed, erm, watched TV. Argued with mum and upset her. I'm not proud of it, just sick and tired of living at home.

2nd
A nothing day. Went into Ashton with mum to see if we could get a cheap record player (my latest ambition). Didn't - we got a new tea service. I dyed my white skirt. It's blue now, with a white stripe. How fascinating.

3rd (Tues)
Nowt in morning then went to Manchester in afternoon to see Mr Aron* - he discharged me - triffic - like being let out of prison.

4th
Went into school with Wendy to see if Miss Turner needed any help. Had coffee in the staff room - nice. Everyone was nice. They've had new fire doors put in.

5th
School started today. All little new girls. Oh god! I read in assembly tomorrow!! OK at school otherwise. No lessons today, just mucking abut. I was impressed with a TV series called 'Shoulder to Shoulder' about women's suffrage. Fight for the vote.

6th
School's really started. I felt full of the joys of spring this morning but a day at school soon put the damper on me. Ah well. Nothing like a night out with Geoff to cheer me up. He says he's ging to work in Germany after Christmas. He says he doesn't know what he'll do without me.

7th (Sat)
worked today. Bored. Got a rise of 70p. Out with G but had to wait for loads of buses. All late.

8th
Wasted day again. Bit of work but mostly mucked about. Norma and Phil came home from holiday. She brought me a piggy bank. Lovely.

9th (Mon)
Getting dug in as head girl. Not too bad.

10th
A right day today! I dropped all the form monitress badges, walked into the wrong form room, and nearly pulled the door handle off a door. Apart from that an okay day. Discussed pill at school.

11th
A nice day, don't know why - 'cos nowt unpleasant happened. Sometimes I'm glad I'm head girl. We put posters up at school. Will have to fill in UCCA forms soon.

12th (Thur)
I always forget to write diary on Thurs because there's a great series on TV late - Shoulder to Shoulder.

13th
Went to see the musical 'Hair'* with G. He wasn't overkeen on it, but I was impressed. Got its point over. Music good. One nude bit - but only 2 mins. Beautiful - so lovely and full of peace. and he died in the end (Claude) I cried. Nearly had to walk home 'cos nearly missed bus.

14th (Sat)
Got new school blouse and new leather handbag. Went G's, went to party and had too much to drink (real cider). Stayed up talking to G until 4.30am! Talked about so many things.

15th
Came home from G's - groty at home, hangover, tired and grumpy and in love.

*Commentary
3rd - the orthodontist who had been doing a valiant job of getting my teeth to fit into my mouth for years.
13th - the newspaper clipping (advertisement) is in my diary. 'Hair' was on at the Palace Theatre, ticket prices £1.50; £1.20; 95p; 55p; 45p. 'The tribal love-rock musical' by the Dance Theatre of Harlem. I still have the LP "Hair". 'This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius'..........

My secret teenage diary 1974 August (ii) in which I am sulky and wonder if it's worth working for £2.06p a week.

August 17th (Sat)
I don't talk about Geoff much, do I S came to shop today and we went for coffee at dinner time. She said that she'd had a serious talk with J on the phone. J is going to write to me. Babs is on holiday, Miss Hoodless is okay today. Finished stock-taking. Cold is better, but I've got a cough.

18th
Auntie Emma visited. I retreated to my bedroom to tidy it. Driving practice with dad. It didn't go well. Not sure it will work, dad teaching me. Did some sewing.

19th
A nothing day, but Uncle Joe Taylor (dad's brother) had a stroke and he's in Boundary Park. She came round (Auntie Annie).

20th
Ju phoned and we all went out for a drink up Grains Bar, me, J,  and E. I'm frightened that we are all changing. No-one fitted in like we do at school. Maybe it's just me.

21st (Thur)
did some work for school- (Maths, Biol) not as much as I should have done. Maybe it's me that's changing. Logical.

22nd
Out with G - okay.

24th
Worked at Hardcastle's today. Feel down in the dumps. I'm going through a 'phase' I think. My character maybe changing.

25th (Sun)
Another wasted day. Norma's Phil was round. Uncle Joe is a lot better, I'm glad. Oh, what's wrong with me? Wrote letter to Rob

28th (Wed)
went into town with S and bought little pressy for F. F has finished with her fella and needed cheering up. Trying to round everyone up for a night out. S is going out. J is out with Paul. Me, C and S going out tomorrow.

29th
Went for a drink with C and S. bit miserable. Nice talk though. Glad I went

30th (Fri)
Went to Oldham and bought some material to make a jacket. Black linen. Bit morbid. Norma goes on hol with Phil this weekend. I'm jealous. Out with G.

31st
Worked. Not worth it really for £2.06p, but then I'm a fool. Michelle Hollamby's mum came in shop and recognised me! Went out with G but I was sulky. In an 'everybody hates Jackie' mood.

Paulo Coelho - just abandoned reading ........

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

2/10


I think this is the kind of book that everyone says one should read, and that is why it was on my shelf. Well, I tried. I got to page 25 and then thought 'No. I just don't want any lessons for life at the moment, thank you'.

Young shepherd, travelling and looking for answers meets mystical people who give him clues. Maybe if I'd stuck it out to the end I would have found out the answer to the mysteries of life and happiness and destiny. But no. I'm okay thanks, for the moment.

When I was young, unlike the shepherd, who walks about with his sheep, I used to walk up to Northmoor library and get out the Fairy Books of Andrew Lang (The Yellow Fairy Book, The Blue Fairy Book etc). I worked my way through all the colours diligently and absorbed all the stories of magical happenings, poor fishermen being given three wishes, long journeys to find the hidden meaning of something etc. I enjoyed them, but then I moved on to other reading which usually delivered its messages more subtly.
I can't work out why I want to turn my back on Paulo Coelho's attempt to tell me a tale with a moral. Maybe I need more subtlety.

If I work it out, I'll let you know.

My secret teenage diary 1974 August (i) in which I go shopping a lot and take a foolish risk

Aug 1st (Thur)
Hey, got a bargain today - a maxi pinafore for £1.25 at Finigan's. It's lovely. Last day working at Hardcastle's today (weekdays, that is). That RAF bloke that Babs met on Tuesday met her after work. I told her I'm not going to the Rigby Club dance.

2nd
Last day at Hardcastles (except saturdays). Babs finished with RAF bloke last night. Out with Geoff tonight. he brought me a lovely Cupid back from Scotland. Nice evening.

3rd (Sat)
At work an old lady blessed me and said I'm made her day by smiling at her. That was beautiful. When I got home Norma and Phil were there, also Auntie May, Audrey, Sandra, Andrew etc. It was ok.

4th
Driving lesson with Dad round Bardsley, where it's quiet. I did okay. Out with G in Rochdale. I had to walk home from Oldham and a guy offered me a lift in his car and I accepted. I shouldn't have but he was okay.

5th
Into town with a great big shopping list and some money. Didn't get much. Purse and choccy for mum, knickers and braid for me. Braid to make a watch-band. More driving practice.

6th (Tues)
Did some patchwork and messing about. Ironing, vacuuming. Auntie Elsie came and implied it's time I got married. Wrote to Ju.

7th
Wish I were on holiday. Ju will have got letter today. Wonder what she thinks of it. Went to town for dad to pay mortgage and solicitor. Did yoga with Norma.

9th (Fri)
Went to town today and got a pattern for a trouser suit, some perfume (verbena) and some blue material for a blouse. Out with G at night. Met some friends of his, Barry and Lorraine, ok.

10th
Went to Manchester with G. Pouring down. Finally bought some shoes. Poor G was getting pretty impatient. Don't blame him. We had dinner there. Black shoes with high heels. Help.  At night went out with G and Lorraine and Barry, dancing. Not very good.

11th
G gets nicer all the time but sometimes I hate him. Norma had her handbag pinched - some money, key, cheque book. She's v upset. At a party last night. Auntie May, Uncle Herbert, Allan have been round.

12th
Stocktaking at work. Boring. Barbara gets on my nerves.

13th (Tues)
Got a cold. Norma has a cold too. No word from Julie.

16th
Still poorly with cold. Didn't go to work. Sewed new blouse a bit. Pale blue, long sleeves.

Enid Blyton - just finished reading.....

Third Year at Malory Towers by Enid Blyton

8/10

Of course, one can't judge books from one's childhood by reading  them today.
I think I should probably give this  book 10/10, but, reading it as an adult I can see flaws that I couldn't see as a youngster. The characters are a bit flimsy. They have no depth or subtlety. But Enid Blyton did manage to capture some of the basic troubles and tensions and conflicts and sources of joy, pleasure and comfort that young girls had / have.

In this book we follow our old familiar middle-class friends, Darrell, Gwendoline, Alicia and Sally as they return to school feeling older and wiser. They are joined by a couple of new girls: Zerelda (who is American and glamorous and wants to be a movie actor) and Bill (who brings her horse to school and is obsessed with it).

There are tricks on teachers, jokes, difficulties in friendships and uppity young women are put in their place. Zerelda is made unglamorous and found to be much nicer when she conforms to British boarding school norms. Bill's horse becomes ill and  there is a  big adventure which ends up with someone n the sanitorium.

It has always puzzled me how a working-class girl from a northern industrial town could ever make sense of, or identify with Malory Towers (I read them all avidly, and acted them out with my Bunty cut-out dolls) which was, essentially, a posh public boarding school for girls. But I realise that Enid Blyton must have captured some of the key essences of what it was to be a schoolgirl trying to negotiate your way through relationships and school-work. Maybe my school wasn't that different from Mallory Towers?

Anita Shreve - just finished reading .....

Strange Fits of Passion by Anita Shreve

9/10


Because of the research philosophy that I have adopted in some of my research, I regard truth to be an elusive thing.

Each person sees an incident and then gives an account of it. Each account will be different. Why? Because there is no single truth. Each person sees from a different angle and sees details that another doesn't see, is more alert to some aspects than others. Each person has different motives for what they say. Each person has different perceptions based on who they are, what their lives have been like, what their day has been like. Each person, in the telling of their tale, will tell it differently because of the way they interact with the person they are telling, and also, of course, the audience (the listener) will hear it differently than it was told and will change it when they recount it.

This is really what Anita Shreve's book is about. It is a fascinating multi-voiced account of how a woman comes to kill a man. We try to understand her story from the accounts she gives to a journalist. We try to understand the sense that the journalist makes of her account, and those of witnesses and by-standers. We try to understand how the woman's daughter will attempt to understand the accounts that she receives, years later.

Anita Shreve even makes us look at out relationships and wonder - what is the truth of what is happening here? How much are any of us responsible for situations we find ourselves in?

She situates the story in 1971, when values, laws and the relationships between men and women were seen differently, and so I can't but help think about the recent historic sex-abuse cases that  have been brought by women who say that, as teenagers and girls, they were sexually abused by older men.

Anita Shreve is a brilliant writer who writes deceptively easy stories, which have depths and breadth worth exploring. And all her books are connected in some way, through places and events - though I haven't worked them all out yet.

My secret teenage diary 1974 July (abridged) - in which I think about Nixon, I make a speech and learn to start a car

July 1974

organised by themes, not a timeline


Family
Norma's boyfriend Phil had been staying, so we all drove him back to Morecambe. One Sunday we had a lovely family day at home, me sewing and pottering.

Friends
Ju was ill and off school. When she was better 6 of us went out for an evening at the Yarnspinners. Babs, who I worked with, asked me to go with her to Bailey's night club, where we spent the evening with 2 chaps who chatted us up. I wondered if Geoff would be able to tell, and I felt terrible.

School
I was incredibly busy, it seems to me. Two significant and long-standing teachers, Miss Roker and Mrs Scott were leaving. Wendy and I had to collect money for their leaving presents  and help organise te leaving party and ceremony. We went down Manchester to get Mrs Scott a piece of Royal Doulton pottery. We gave Miss Roker an axe for chopping wood, which she had requested. Miss Roker put on a record of the Oldham Tinkers, and she got one of the lower forms up on stage to recite something. I also seemed to spend a lot of time adding up house points, to work out which house was 'cock house' this year. I was involved in organising the house festival, I gave a speech, and on another day I showed the parents of incoming new girls round the school.

Work
I worked some of my summer holiday. We were busy changing VAT on the stock from 10% to 8%. I was feeling underpaid, comparing my measly £2 with Susan's £3.50.

Hobbies
I bought some yellow cotton and made a blouse, and some black cotton to make a skirt. I wore them both to Bailey's night club.

Also
I got my provisional license and some L plates and dad started to teach me to drive. I found it hard to grasp starting the car.
I started to send for university prospectuses. the first one to arrive in the post was Sheffield.
We had a mouse in our house.

The news
There was talk that President Nixon might be impeached.
Germany won the World Cup.
Mama Cass Elliot died, aged 33 - I was very upset by this. Mamas and Papas Dedicated to the One I love

My secret teenage diary 1974 June (abridged) - in which I had to call the police, and I started being Head Girl.

June 1974
thematically, not chronologically, arranged, except for 1st June which is worth transcribing....

June 1st (Saturday)
A v eventful day. Not v nice day at work. Nasty women. Went home. Everyone nagged me so I ran upstairs crying. Norma comforted me. I love her. I love all my family lots. Then, on way to Geoff's encountered a drunk and a lady who had lost her little boy and wanted us to get the police. We did - quite exciting. I hope she found him.

School
My first month as Head Girl! Wendy became Deputy. Some of the jobs I had to do - collecting money, regularly for charity (I can't recall - did each form have a collection, and then I collated it all?) I noted on June 6th that we only collected £1.86. I also started to sort out the fiction library at school. My biggest problem was sorting  out a disorderly Lower Fifth form, who were causing chaos in the small dining room which I and the prefects had to manage each lunch time. I tackled it by having stern words with the 'ring-leaders'. They came back afterwards and apologised. Phew.
June at school was also, as always, dominated by revision and exams. There were tears, anxiety and panic.

Family
Aunty May gave me some fabric for my quilt. She is so generous and kind. I love her. Mum and dad went on holiday for a week. Geoff came round to visit and I made a meal with fish which was still frozen.

Friends
6 of us went out to the Radcliffe Arms to celebrate Ju's birthday. This month was filled with more friendship angst and serious talks and phone calls.

Shopping
I bought the dress from C&A

My secret teenage diary 1974 May (abridged) - in which love blossomed, friendships were rocky and I became Head Girl!

Oh dear! I have let the transcribing of my secret teenage diary lapse in the past few months. I appear to have neglected May, June and July 1974.
So, here is my attempt to bring us up to date. My 5 year diary, by the way, which my Aunty May bought for me, and which I began writing in 1970, will finish in December 1974.


Here I present my diary entries for May 1974 organised around themes, rather than chronologically. I am, therefore, leaving out a lot of detail, much of which is my moaning with teenage angst, and writing secretively in the Russian alphabet, which I now struggle (thankfully) to read.


May 1974.

Romance
I am still going strong with Geoff, examining whether I am in love. I am wondering how far to go with him (if I could read my Russian script, I might know how far I went!) We seemed to spend most of our time mooching around, or going to Tiffanies in Rochdale.

Friendship
My best and closest friend was Julie, but I was going through a phase where I was troubled by angst and jealousy. I was often grumpy and say rivals in other girls who we hung around with. Some of  us were paired up with boys, introducing new tensions into our network of relationships. I was involved in a sponsored 24hr fast for Oxfam which seemed to be a focus for being jealous and feeling isolated.

Family
I had a row with my dad, because he was proud that I might be nominated to be head girl and he wanted me to be positive, too. I was mortified, though, and filled with angst about this, too. I enjoyed it when Norma came home from college. Aunty Emma came to stay for a few days but I seemed to tolerate her well!

School
We had a nasty chemistry test and exam were looming in June. Nominations were made for the position of Head Girl, and I was in the 5 nominated. Then I was chosen! I wrote a lot in my diary about how I found this agonising and I didn't want to do it. I had to go to see the Headmistress, Miss Crabtree to be congratulated. I was anxious about the whole thing, but I noted that 2 days later, I was coming round to it. I was a bit proud, also. I wondered who would be deputy.

Work
I was still working at Hardcastle's ladies department store on Saturdays. I worked on the stocking counter and made a note in May that I seemed to do nothing but sell support stockings. One day I noted that the till was 99p short and I hoped that no-one thought it was me.

Self-care and shopping
I was trying to do my hair in ringlets, with rags, like my mother used to. I bought a new gorgeous cheesecloth blouse. I noted how expensive the dresses in Miss Selfridge were, and I had a lovely dress put aside fo me in C&A in Manchester. Discovered a new shop - Paperchase - where I could buy lots of Snoopy things.

Hobbies
I started making a patchwork quilt.

Culture
I went, with Geoff, to see The Sting. Also went to see Godspell, which I thought was fantastic, but was resistant to a friend's attempts to convert me to Christianity.

Elizabeth Bowen .. Just abandoned reading...

The Last September by Elizabeth Bowen

1/10


page 33
'High up a bird shrieked and stumbled down through the dark, tearing the leaves. Silence healed, but kept a scar of horror.'

Oh please. Trying too hard to be poetic. I realise she is considered to be a class write, but I have decided life is too short. I'd rather an author just say it like it is. (Yet, I do like words well-written .... -  just not in this book)

Abandoned.

Roisin McAuley ... Just finished reading ...

Finding Home by Roisin McAuley (Audio book)

5/10

I always have an audio book on the go in the car, to help me survive the tedious motorway journey to and from work. Those who have read my reviews before will know that I don't listen to anything too exciting or challenging, in case of losing concentration. I tend to choose non-detective, non-murders, non-thrillers. Also not classical or depressing or philosophical and not too difficult to understand. As you can see this limits me a little. Also, I get my audio-books from the local library which is small and under-funded (I hate this Con-Dem government for starving its people of culture).

So - here I am with Finding Home. This is about two women; the story is told in their voices, first persons singular. Louise is from Northern Ireland, living in England and working for a film production company. They are looking for a 17th century house for their film and she finds just the one! Diane is the upper class woman who lives in said house, with her brother Henry. They have no money to mend the leaking roof and so the offer from the film company is A Good Thing. Especially since Louise thinks Henry is dishy.
The problem is that Louise's brother has been a member of the Irish Republican Army and Henry served as an army intelligence officer in Northern Ireland. Their blossoming romance struggles to over-ride their different political perspectives.
I'm sure you'll realise there is much more to it than this - there are plots and sub-plots, characters (real and part of the film-in-the-making) and mysteries.
Then blow me! Just as I was accepting the story as a gentle romance or two, interwoven, the book turns into a THRILLER!! NOOO! I don't drive to the sound of over-stimulating plots.
I got very heated approaching my motorway turn-off and nearly went twice round a roundabout.

All in all, it was not a great book, but then, I choose this type of book for driving, so that's fine. If I care too much about the characters or the plot, then the audio-book distracts me.

BUT - the main thing that I want to say is this. Often, the main star of an audio-book is not the author but the actor who reads it. Marie McArthy, who read this book, was fantastic! How can someone do such a convincing (to me) Belfast accent and then a posh English one. She was two different people! And then sometimes she was Henry, and John, and Rebecca, and the madman, and Chloe etc. Fab - what skills, to be able to be such different people on one audio-book. Fab.

Tom Wolfe - just finished reading .........

Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe

9.5/10

I started reading this a while ago, in anticipation of going to New York for a visit.
Various sources say that there are some iconic texts that capture the feel of the place and people of New York. This is one of them, and also 'Let the Great World Spin' by Colum McCann.

This book is a long one and it took me ages to read, but that says more about my life being cluttered than anything about the quality of the book. I want to compare it with 'The Wire', which was about law and politics in Baltimore. But this book is bigger and reaches further, into Wall St, the church, racism, policing, political manoeuvring, society, the arts, fashion and whims, greed and sex. I find myself to be a hopeless reviewer of books, because I want to share the feel of the book, rather than the plot.

I wish I had finished it before I hit New York. Then walking on Park Avenue and seeing the canopied entrances to very opulent apartment blocks would have meant something more.

Have you read it? Whatever does happen to Sherman McCoy?

Louis Sachar - Just finished reading .....

Holes by Louis Sachar

10/10

What a lovely book. It is aimed at 'young adults' so I thought 'that's me!' and picked it up. I've read it in 2 days, which is always a bonus because you feel like you are in the world of the book with the characters. When it takes a fortnight or more to read a book, interrupted by all kinds of other bits of living, you feel more disconnected.

Where was I?
Ah yes - a lovely book. We go with Stanley to a camp, and meet some weird and wonderful characters. We get to know Stanley better, and we have an adventure with him. It is a heart-warming book, full of optimism about the human condition, I think. I'm not saying anything else. I don't want to spoil it. But if you go on this adventure with him, take your sun screen and a guide for identifying lizards.

http://www.louissachar.com/HolesBook.htm

My secret teenage diary 1974 April (ii) - in which I think about my love for my parents.

20th (Sat)
Working today, and then went into town with Barbara from the shop. She's not bad really

21st
We drove Norma back to Lancaster.

22nd
Went into town to buy a pressie for Geoff, and came back with nowt but a headache!

23rd
Hell!! Back to school tomorrow. Did some yoga, had a long lazy bath and tried to do some homework. Didn't go to Ju's.

25th (Thur)
Back at school. Wore nice new summer dress. We had a bomb hoax at school! We all had to stand ont he hockey pitch for 30 mins while the police searched. Found nothing. I love my dad. I found an envelope with old pictures and letters and his medal and his ribbons. Made me cry. I love mum too.

26th
G is 21 in a week and I still haven't got him a present!

29th (Mon)
Back to school. me and Ju went into town. I bought G a pendant with a silver zodiac. £3.70.

30th
Out with Geoff. I think he liked his pendant thingy!

Mt secret teenage diary 1974 April (i) - April Fool jokes and dress-making.

1st (Mon)
We sent silly letters to 9 teachers e.g. Miss Roker - becoming a member of the National Union of Mineworkers, Miss Turner - 60 Enid Blyton books will be delivered. Lovely weather. Dad ill with ulcer. He's off work!

2nd
We sorted out the mess about the school dress material. I went and bought my pattern. Where is Norma? She's out in Manchester, I think.

4th (Thur)
Broke up from school. Mum is away for a week, but we seem to be coping. Me and Norma went to see Arsenic and Old Lace at the Rep. Some Coronation St actors in it.

5th
Norma out all day and dad at work. V proud of myself, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned and did washing. Started to make school dress.

6th
Dad and Norma set off at 5.30am to go and pick mum up from Weymouth. They're staying overnight. Went out with G in Heywood, then home to scary house on my own.

7th
Botheration. Just got used to being nice and quiet on my own then the family come back. They get on my nerves. Wish I lived by myself.

9th
Julie away, but back tomorrow, I think. Making dress, but bored.

10th
went to Oldham Art Gallery, should have been doing homework.

11th
Ju phoned. She had a great holiday - got proposed to by a Greek electrician!

12th
Went out with G. Saw 'Paint your Wagon' at the pictures. Good.

15th (Mon)
Me, Geoff, Ju and Andy went to Alex park in afternoon. Lovely weather. Went in rowing boat. Romantic.

19th
I've been very lazy and not done much. Oh dear, and back to school soon. Finished making dress. Quite nice.

My secret teenage diary 1974 March Work, love and school summer dresses.

From this month I am changing the way I share my diary. Instead of almost totally honest detailed transcribing of every day, I am going to choose edited highlights to share, which I think others would find interesting. I am doing this because
a) I think a lot of it is repetitive and boring now, 40 years on
b) There are some personal bits which I've decided not to share
c) now I work part-time, I have less time than I used to! (How did that happen?)

So this is an experiment and I'm wondering what it will be like. 

Here I am in March 1974. I'm 17 years old and in a relationship with Geoff. I'm in sixth form.

March

2nd
Hey - I've broken my record! I've been going out with Geoff longer than I went out with Rob! Geoff is 21 next month. Did I tell you that dad's done wardrobe and shelves?

3rd - 8th
 - no entries

9th (Sat)
Agonising over whether I love Geoff or not.

12th
Been depressed recently. Very down. Worried that Ju and I are drifting apart. Took shoes back to Ravel in Manchester. Getting money back.

13th (Wed)
Feeling brighter. S back at school. She had an accident with the door of a telephone kiosk! Lady from Calderstones came to give a talk. Nearly made me cry. Julie grumpy. Miss Hatch was nice to us! Yes - nice! V cold weather.

14th
Weather a little warmer. Julie trimmed hair for me at school. Q good. Nice day. Geoff phoned and said he's got the sack. He was upset. How can I finish with him  now?

16th (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastles. Miss A sent me out to buy some nail varnish for her. I hate that woman! We've got Monday off school (Oxford scholarship something)

17th (Sun)
Been very depressed all day (well half the day, I didn't get up till 12.30, we turned the clocks forward, you see). Phoned Ju. She said I've been depressed all week. Nearly cried.

18th (Mon)
Manchester in the morning to get money from Ravel, then bought silvery grey beads from Lewis's to make a necklace. Went up town with Ju in the afternoon looking for new shoes. Went to IVS (volunteers) meeting in evening.

19th (Tue)
Miserable. Made necklace. Saw film Midnight Cowboy at school. V good. Made us cry. Dustin Hoffman.

20th
ok day at school. Bought new shoes. I love mum. Found Snoopy cards at Spencers. Planning holiday in Gipsy caravan with Ju, S and C.

22nd
Do I love Geoff?

24th (Sun)
I think I've got pneumonia, sniff, sniff. I do love Geoff. Mum and dad spent all day over at Auntie Emma's. I stayed home and did homework.

25th (Mon)
still sniffing and sneezing. Ju not in school. Going to Manchester University tomorrow, for open day. Mother's Day yesterday. Got mum big card, flowers and chocs. Love her.

26th
Went to UMIST to look round. Had computer lecture, lunch, talk from student union fellas and looked at biochemistry department. Impressed with university. Wish I were there.

27th
L has a penfriend in school. I've been sticking photos in an album. Mum's getting glasses. Been invited to 2 parties, but I'm anti-social.

28th (Thur)
Geoff has been offered his job back, but don't know if he'll take it. Been looking at materials for 6th form summer dresses. Nice. Nice biology lesson. Mrs Hughes going on about ecology. Ju back again.

29th
Some of us had big row about choosing school dress material. Out with Geoff in evening.

30th (Sat)
Working in shop. Miss Hoodless, Mrs Owen and Mrs Frost all away! So v busy. Barbara and I got on really well. Mum away in Weymouth with Audrey. Norma's home. Out with G.

31st
No homewrok done. Talked to Norma, mucked about, went for walk in Werneth Park. Nice weather.

Colum McCann - just finished reading .....

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann
9.5/10


I read this book in anticipation of a trip to New York. It has been recommended as a book though which to get to know the city and its people. I can't think how a novel could be written better. The chapters knit together and link across to each other in a cyclical way, and we end up knowing about life in the Bronx and on Park Avenue, the lives of prostitutes and judges and artists. And over the top of all of them a man is walking on a high wire stretched out between the twin towers of the World Trade Centre. The twin towers, in this story, are newly built and not  yet fully populated. The reader and the author know what the future holds, but this is not a part of the story told here.
There is some considerable skill in helping a reader to understand what it might be like to be a high-wire walker. How does Colum McCann manage that?

Man on a high wire - Philip Pettit

Mark Haddon - just finished reading ....

The Red House by Mark Haddon (audio)
8/10


Isn't Mark Haddon a great writer?
Have you read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time? Have you read A Spot of Bother? I love this writer for his ability to see things differently, and therefore to make the reader see the world differently. he can make us have sympathy with the most unlikely people.
I listened to The Red House whilst driving about in the car. Maybe it would have been confusing to read in written text, because the story is told through the various voices of the members of the two families who are are sharing a holiday cottage. This means that we shift between angst ridden grown-ups, insecure teenagers and a normal imaginative young boy. Some significant events happen, relationships shift and change and everyone grows up a bit.
I like all the detail of everyday life and all the nonsense that people think and do as they go about their everyday lives. But the everyday mundaneness can suddenly shift towards critical incidents which send ripples outwards to touch everyone in different wats.

My secret teenage diary 1974 February (iii) in which I contemplate jokes and love

Feb 17th Sunday
Nothing

Feb 18th 
On half-term now. Two and a half rotten days is all we've got! Today I read, finished pink blouse except for button holes. Did bit of work for school.

Feb 19th
In morning went to Manchester with Ju, got chains for  neck, Snoopy book, motif for jeans ('Who will stop the rain?')* and a bag (from £1 gift token off Carol). Took shoes back. Heels wrong.

Feb 20th Wed
At school again. I broke a thermometer in chemistry!! Been thinking of April Fool jokes for school. Trying to do at least 2 hours work every night. Did tonight.

Feb 21st and 22nd
Blank

Feb 23rd Saturday
Oh, I've been to Geoff's. Spent about 3/4 hours alone with him*. I've got a funny feeling when I think of him. Do you think I love him?

Feb 24 - 27th
Blank

Feb 28th Thursday
Sorry I've missed the last three days, but I've been cold, tired and bored. General election today. Tell you results tomorrow.

*Commentary
Feb 19 - I remember this so well! It was a bit of a hippy-ish trend, to but cloth patches and sew them on your jeans. They were usually along the line of peace, love and happiness. I loved going to Manchester - I still do - it's a great city. We would have caught the 98 bus to Stevenson Square.
Feb 23 - what possessed me to write that? That wasn't a very long time. Surely I must have spent longer with him alone before this?

My secret teenage diary 1974 February (ii) in which I was a personnel manager with no job to do

Feb 10th (Sun)
Got up late but helped dad to lay carpet. Moved sideboard out of living room and bureau in. It's nicer now. Did I say that a general election has been announced? We're all being brainwashed by politicians now.

Feb 11th 
Normal day. Been pouring down and we've got a leak in the chemistry lab roof. Miss Rogerson said that x is feeling a lot better now. Going for little walks down the corridor. Went into town. Got a Valentine for Geoff, birthday card for S and flowers for mum.

Feb 12th
Behind with diary. Normal day. Seem to be always very depressed.

Feb 13th
Been given jobs to do on Friday (entrance exam). Been highly honoured - I'm 'personnel manager' - go round checking people. Also had guitar recital. Why?

Feb 14th (Thurs)
Up dead late last night doing chem hmwk. Found out this morning that I did the wrong lot. Got a Valentine from Rob.* None from Geoff - a bit upset. He phoned - thanked me for mine. Went to visit X in hospital. She's very thin, but a little cheerful.

Feb 15th
Went to school at 8am. Helped to organise the entrance exam. Poor little kids. Ju's sister was crying before the exam. I was playing 'personnel manager' but no-one needed managing so that was okay. Went out with Geoff. Had nearest thing yet to a row. He didn't order taxi till 1.45. I was annoyed and upset.

Feb 16th (Sat)
Working and wondering what to do about Geoff (you can guess my conclusion, I'm stupid). At dinnertime me, Ju and K took S out for a drink of coffee. Gave her writing paper pressy. Went out with G at night. He got me home for 1am.

*Commentary
Feb 14 - Rob was my ex-boyfriend

My secret teenage diary 1974 February (i) - in which I don't want to think about the bad things in life

Feb 1st Fri
After school went to meet Geoff and decided (I decided) to go to disco-pub (Magnet Hotel) instead of pictures. Went with Ju and andy. It's okay. Geoff came back to my house. Dad a bit annoyed 'cos he stayed till 2am.

Feb 2nd
Working at Hardcastle's. Not very busy, it never is, but it wasn't that boring either. I was dead tired when I got home. Auntie May was there. Dad was funny with me (on 2nd thoughts, I imagined it). But I was in a bad mood. Saw Geoff in evening.

Feb 3rd
This poor little girl's been working hard today. Washing, shopping, cooking, homework, nursing mum. Feel v proud of myself I suppose. I love Geoff.

Feb 4th Mon
Normal day at school. Not much to write. Aunty May home to look after mum. Awful bomb went off in coach on M62! 11 killed. inc 2 little boys. Might be iRA. Some were from Oldham.

Feb 5th
Just suddenly started snowing. I'm very tired. Aunty May been again. Mis Rogerson ever so nice today. Poor X - she's had a very serious operation - she's had some of her intesine cut away. What can we do?

Feb 6th Wed
Sometimes i think to myself 'no, I just don't want to hink about the bad things in life, like drug-taking, the war. (prog on TV about Japanese and torture) There was a man (Japanese) down a hole and they kept shooting into the hole, then they dragged him out, dead.

Feb 7th
It's Friday tomorrow and then it's Monday again soon. Wow! What a lot to look forward to. Boring day.

Feb 8th
Tiffany's in evening. Geoff and I drank to much. Opticians in day for a check up. Nice man. said my contact lenses in good condition.

Feb 9th Sat
Working all day (if you can call it working). Got a pay rise of 16p! Whippee. Wow. Fantastic. Feel like crying. Went to Geoff's. Mum and dad don't like me seeing hi, I can feel it.