Salman Rushdie - Currently reading . . .

I'm currently reading 'Midnight's Children' by Salman Rushdie. Phew. It's the first one of his books that I've read and I'm having to make myself persevere.
I'm over a third of the way through now, so I'll finish it. It is getting easier, but it has taken me till now to get drawn into the story. I think it's important to work hard to finish it, because it is reckoned to be a great book, and the effort I put in might be repaid. It has felt like work, rather than pleasure, though, up until now.
His story-telling is full of diversions and detail, and references to anticipated future events, and recollections of past events so that it can take several pages to tell of one small incident. When you are reading a book do you ever think you might be a bit dumb, or incompetent, if you are finding it difficult? I do. But then, when I am marking students' essays, or reviewing papers, if I find myself having difficulty understanding them, I have to decide whether it is their writing style, or my inability to process what they are writing. Maybe sometimes there is just a mismatch between style and preferred style.
Never mind Salman. I will persevere. I think I am learning to appreciate you.
Only another 412 pages to go.

My secret diary 1970 December (ii)

Dec 17 Thurs
So happy for Miss Hatch*. We (the form) bought her a perfume spray, Kleenex tissue holder and big card. She wanted to cry.
Dec 18
Went to Manchester yesterday with J. Got Shirley a writing set 5/- for Xmas. Got Norma 'Lancashire Hotch-Potch' 7/6 today. Got dad some anti-mist.
Dec 19 Sat
Down to Birmingham to pick up Norma. Mrs Essen's nice. Tired all day. Visited by Auntie May, Elsie, Caroline and Allan.
Dec 20 Sun
Caught *
Dec 21 Mon
Never been so ashamed - I actually gave up writing my diary for months. Be patient. I'm writing this on 24th April 1971.
Dec 22
Did I have a nice Xmas? Yes I think so. Norma was ill again.
Dec 23
Got midi coat for Xmas. Norma bought ne a fantastic little handbag.
Dec 24 Thur
I quite like Xmas. Hapy. Full of luv and feeling I wish I had a boyfriend.
Dec 25
Blank
Dec 26
Blank
Dec 27
(To hell with L.S. she hates me and I hate her) AT* Full of Xmas spirit aren't we?
Dec 28 & 29
blank
Dec 30 Wed
Goodbye 1970. Funny year. More permissive, more wars, more grief, more strikes, more love discovery, more
Dec 31
moon missions. For me personally, more understanding, more laziness, definitely a more year.

*Commentary
Dec 17 - Miss Hatch was our Russian teacher. Was she also our form teacher at this point? If not, why did we get her a present? She made me want to cry often enough - she was a very scary woman!
Dec 20 - don't ask me why I wrote the single word 'caught'!
Dec 27 AT = afterthought

Joanna Trollope - Just finished reading . . .

The Spanish Lover by Joanna Trollope

4 out of 10


I think I read a Joanna Trollope once, in favourable circumstances - 'The Choir', read whilst trying to relax on the narrowboat. It was very enjoyable, and so I keep on picking her up in charity shops, hoping for a re-run. Nope. Not going to happen.
Why would I want to read about these people? One of the heroines (the other is her twin) gets very down and depressed because the bank calls in her and her husband's astronomic loan, and they have to move to a smaller house (the old one was called The Grange) and she has to get a depressingly menial job in the office of a private girls' school, and her husband kisses the drippy woman who assists him in their posh gift-shop business, because he feels insecure. Meanwhile the other twin gets a Spanish Lover. And a baby. And a dreamy, fulfilled smile.
No.
I've had a bad run of books.
Now, in my bag I have Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children, and another book which is a novel which pretends to be Pride and Prejudice, written from Mr Darcy's point of view. Which shall it be?

Just abandoned . . .

Venus Envy by Louise Bagshaw

0 out of 10

I got this out of the library (an audio-book) because I am making myself work through the alphabet (so next time I will have to get an author beginning with C)- I like to live dangerously.
As I have explained I aim to get audio-books that are not too challenging to read in heavy traffic (and snow blizzards, fog and ice, at the moment). Well - we could never call this a challenging book. Nor is it entertaining. Nor amusing. I don't know what page I've abandoned it on, because it is audio, but I only got to track 12, Disc 1, because I was stuck in a traffic jam.
A bit like Brigitte Jones, but not amusing at all.
I don't want to draw any parallels with anything else I have read. Oh - I suppose, like Jane Austen's Lady Susan (the letter A), it is about women trying to catch men.

My secret diary 1970 December (i)

Dec 1 Tues
Physics and Music exams. Both Horrible! In physics I've got all number one wrong. Music - well we all know what I'm like at music.
Dec 2
RESULTS.
Scripture 76 Last year 66%
English 79 last year 67
Came 3rd in English. Fab.
Dec 3 Thus
History 72 last year 71
Geography 85 last year 72
Top in geography
Dec 4
Results
French 72 last year 71
Russian 78 last year 72
3rd in Russian (pleased with results so far)
Dec 5 and 6
Blank
Dec 7 Mon
Maths 86 (1st) last year 85 (3rd)
Chem 87 (1st) last year 71
Bio 77 (4th) last year 71*
Dec 8 Tues
Physics 72 last year -
Music 61 last year 60
I hate music. My average is now 76.8
Dec 9 - 11
Blank
Dec 12 Sat
Shirley came to stay. Xmas shopping. Decided to crochet J and S scarves and berets for Xmas. Do I believe in God? Had a party.
Dec 13 Sun
Party was a flop 'cos mum stayed in (Dad told her to!) Oh Lord. Shirley's gone home. Good.
Dec 14
I'm more or less friends with W now. We break up on Thursday. Good. Carol service on Wednesday.
Dec 15
Took some books home. Xmas. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Perhaps it's 'cos there is no snow.
Dec 16 Wed
A rotten Carol Service. A bit worried in case of power strike (had a lot recently. Everybody's been turned off nearly)

*Commentary
Dec 7 - As I transcribe these results I've got a weird dual reaction. On the one hand I'm a bit embarrassed, because it looks like showing off on ehalf of my 14 year old self. On the other hand, I do feel a little warm glow of pride :-)
I don't think that she was bragging. I think that she was setting academically high standards for herself and measuring outcomes.
Dec 16 - As far as I can recall these weren't the big power-strikes. This wasn't the Winter of Discontent. I was revising for my 'A' levels, I think, during the three day week. Revising by candle-light if my memory serves me correctly.

Jane Austen - Just finished reading . . .

Lady Susan by Jane Austen

4 out of 10 (this version / audio-book)


Oh dear. No, no, no, no.
I love Jane Austen. I have read all her books several times. Lady Susan was written when she was only 20 and it's written in letter form, so it is easy to follow for listening to in the car, in traffic jams, going hospital visiting, as I have been recently.
BUT - it was read by American actors! With American accents! Jane Austen!
(Please, if you are an American reader of my blog, don't take this personally - I have no problem with American accents in general - just not reading Jane!!)
It made me ponder if I was just bucking against tradition, but it isn't that. They way in which language is spoken in any country / culture has significance for what is said, and how it is said - for the meaning of the text. There are subtleties about language which are probably best understood by those who are immersed in the culture of that language (I'm probably not expressing this well - someone will have written an academic paper on it). The way in which Jane Austen's characters speak would reflect Georgian England, its manners and etiquette and subtle nuances of meaning (who am I to say that I would recognise these if I fell over them? Do I think they are represented by the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice?)
Anyway, in my adventures in audio-books, I have listened to American novels read by American voices, and Australian ones read by Australian voices etc, etc - and the novels have been mightily enhanced by this, because you are there, with them, in their culture.
So, sorry, Jane - this time only 4 out of 10
And it has a disappointing ending.

Abandoned reading . . .

City of the Beasts by Isabelle Allende

Isabelle Allende is a great writer, so who am I to put her book down, abandoned at p84?

I think she may have written this for young people - it is an adventure book, so not my cup of tea.
What it had in common with William Faulkner's Wild Palms was that both had a difficult river journey, one on the Mississippi, and one on the Amazon.

Sarah Grazebrook - Just finished reading . . .

Crooked Pieces by Sarah Grazebook

6.5 out of 10


What I haven;t revealed so far is that I normally have 2 books on the go at a time. One is one that I read (paper-based), and the other will be an audio-book, in the car, to help make my commuting, or other long journeys, tolerable.
My supply of audio-books is my local library, so I am drawing from a restricted range. Also, I find that I can't listen to any book that is too complex, or requires totla concentration, because I have to negotiate my way, safely, through heavy, unpredictable traffic.
As a consequence, most of my audio-reading reverts to a kind of easy fiction, usually involving 2 poor sisters who come over from Ireland to Liverpool at the end of the last century, Ususally they are starving, then they meet a villain, they nearly die and then one of them falls in love, and they become wealthy through hard work or marriage. Or Catherine Cookson will do.
Anyway, this book wasn't quite like that, but it was about a poor girl from Stepney (Maggie) who gets involved with the Pankhurst family and becomes a Suffragette activist. It was a good book because it made me revisit the Suffragette history, and the dreadful things that women went through to win us our right to vote (or did they alienate the governement of the time and delay us getting the vote?)
I had just finished the book when I saw film footage of the student demonstartions this week, with police, on horse-back, controlling the demonstrators in London, and it felt like a modern-day replay of other protests and demonstartions through history.

There was some love interest in the book also - Maggie falls in love with a policeman - will she, won't she?
I didn't work out why the book is called Crooked Pieces.

William Faulkner 'The Wild Palms' addendum

I forgot to say, about this book, that William was quite capable of writing never-ending sentences that could cover more than a page of the book. The only way to read him, I find, is to accept that I won't understand much of what he says.

But here is something he said about Christmas.

"Christmas... . . when before an altar in the shape of a gold-plated cattle-trough man may with impunity prostrate himself in an orgy of unbridled sentimental obeisance to the fairy tale which conquered the Western world, when for seven days the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in amnesty: the whitewashing of a stipulated week leaving the page blank and pristine again for the chronicling of the fresh."

My secret diary 1970 November (ii)

Nov 17th (Tue)
S stayed with us more today. She told us a great secret. Feel honoured. . . . . . . .*
Nov 18
Honestly, I'm very sorry BUT (long word that) I haven't written my diary till Dec 20th. SO! I've written in every now and then. Okay?
Nov 19
Blank
Nov 21 (Sat)
Norma comes home 19th Dec. Went to Ashton with Dad, bought a pair of boots after much trailing about. 95/- (Birthday present)
Nov 22 (Sun)
Don't like Sunday. Such a bore. Always. (Have Monday off) Did chemistry, biology and Russian revision (well at least I tried) yesterday
Nov 23
Done history, geography and 2 other subjects (can't remember) Exams on Wednesday.
Nov 24th
Carol's birthday. Didn't buy Carol anything. Sorry Carol. Nervous about exams.
Nov 25th (Wed)
Chem, Biol, and Russian exams. Chem and Biol okay but Russian Ugh!!!! Please God let me do well in these exams.
Nov 26
Didn't start (P). History and Geography exams. Both Grotty!! HELP!!
Nov 27 (Fri)
Started. English and French. English okay, I did 8 sides (remarkable). French. Oh No! never ever again. I hate Mrs Crewe.
Nov 30 (Mon)
Scripture and Maths exams. Both okay but Maths was a bit 'yuck'.


*Commentary
Nov 17 - well, I'm not going to tell it on a public blog, am I? Wasn't my secret, even if 40 years have passed since then.

Just finished reading . . .

The Wild Palms by William Faulkner

10 out of 10

I've decided that my scoring system is flawed. There are some authors / books who I am not fit to judge! If I give someone 10 out of 10, then really I am saying 'this book is very good - it might not be perfect, or it might deserve 25/10, but who am I to say?'
I think that Hilary Mantel's Wolfe Hall was such a book. Dicken's Little Dorrit, and numerous others that are great pieces of literature.
Well, this is the fourth William Faulkner I have read. I think 'The Sound and the Fury' - such a difficult read - was the one that floored me the most, but this one beats judgement too. Not a cheerful book, and confusing at times.
How could he have written, in 1939, a book which, if it were written now, would be (post-)modern and challenging in its content and structure?
He tells 2 stories in one book, each told in every alternate chapter. They run parallel, but they don;t connect, except in the reader's head.
A book about hopefulness, hopelessness, looking after others at the expense of self.

What did it have in common with the last book I read - The Pilot's Wife? Maybe they are both about seeking ideal ways of living, and caring for others.

My secret diary 1970 November (i)

Nov 1 (Sun)
My birthday disaster! 145 people burnt to death in French dance hall. A disaster always happens on my birthday or near it. Oh God! Why oh why?*
Nov 2
Trapsed all round town looking for a pair of denim jeans. Couldn't find any. Telly man came. Good looking son. Felt a fool.
Nov 3
Still half term (has beeen since Friday dinner). Didn't do much, just a bit of revision. Wrote letter to Lorette*. Rotten thing hasn't written for ages. Used machine a bit.*
Nov 4 (Wed)
Back to school, nice day (fairly). Wrote letter to Diane. Daft flowery envelope. Hate X. She steals - stole a hatband at school (did pay for it afterwards).
Nov 5
Pity all the poor kids who are going to be burnt tonight. Crying. Dad wants me to argue. Makes me cry. Soft. BAN FIREWORKS. Cut finger in hockey. Good mark in test. Good.
Nov 6 (Fri)
Crying. Well! Dad's in a funny mood again. I've just been out babysitting. She gave me 10/- again. Annoyed at her. DAD IS TOO!*
Nov 7
Went up town with Auntie May. I like her. I bought some denims. Auntie May got me a Russian dictionary. Gave me knitting needles. Had visitors.
Nov 8 Sun
Had visitors last night. Douglas and wife and daughter. Me and Gillian left in. She's quite nice, not a good speaker. Bored all night. Both fell asleep. Auntie May came today, and cousin Allan.
Nov 9
School! I never look forward to it nowadays. On October 31st (7 days after my birthday) 144 teenagers were killed in France. Oh help me get rid of this jinx, please.*
Nov 10
Speech Day, so half day off. Ashamed of myself, so lazy. Did nothing nearly all day. Behind with homework. Tut! Did some crocheting for Sandra's poncho.*
Nov 11
Ah well! Another day. Bored stiff. Didn't start school till 10am. F.T. is 'tagging on' to me, J and S. Had an idea about sewing sessions Friday.
Nov 12 (Thur)
Oh dear! We've got a problem. F! Tried to get away from her at dinnertime. Sorry.*
Nov 13 (Fri)
I think S is breaking away from me and J slightly. Went up town last night with S, bought 10/- worth of toys for lad that I babysit. Party tomorrow.*
Nov 14
Shirley came, gave me skin thing for birthday present. Had nice time. Up-town. No gloves. Sara's party. Fab house!! Oh S, don't go off with F, you're my friend.
Nov 15
Lazy thing! Did hardly anything all day. Homework. Did a lot of Sandra's poncho. That's about all, honest. Cried about S. Don't go.
Nov 16
EXAMS START ON NOV 25th. HELP.


*Commentary
Nov 1 - I can only apologise, shrinking with embarrassment, for being a self-referring drama queen!
Nov 3 - Lorette was my friend penfriend who lived in Amiens. The machine I refer to was the sewing machine.
Nov 6 - When I read this, I thought we were annoyed about the amount of money, in some way (too much, too little??) But - see what happens next Friday.
Nov 9 - I have already apologised!
Nov 10 - I had acquired some horrendous flourescent pink nylon yarn (where from?), and I set to work to make a pink poncho for my second cousin, Sandra, who was about 5(?). I can't say that I never saw her wearing it. It must have been horrible!
Nov 12 - was I really so horrible!
Nov 13 - Clearly either dad or I thought I shouldn't be paid for baby-sitting - so I gave the money back by buying toys. I suspect that this was dad's morality, rather than mine. But this is how parents' values are instilled in the next generation. When I was much younger (maybe 7) I desperately wanted to buy a set of doll's cooking utensils from our local newsagent but didn't have enough money, and my parents wouldn't give me any. So I borrowed it from a friend, with the promise that I would pay her back when I got my pocket money. When dad found out, he was furious! He made me take the purchase back tot he newsagent and ask for my money back. I was mortified. And so I learned not to spend money that I haven't got.

Just finished reading . . .

The Pilot's Wife by Anita Shreve

9.5 out of 10

Anita Shreve is a great, and multi-facetted, writer.
In this book she tells a good story, and she explores the extent to which we can ever know someone else. How do you react when you find out that someone close had big secrets?
2 pieces of wisdom that I marked in this book
(1) you have to go through something to get to the other side
(2) 'to be relieved of love ..... was to give up a terrible burden'

Not a book to read on an aeroplane.

What did it have in common with the last book I read, by Michael Connelly? They are both about investigations into why death occurred.

Truth and diary-keeping

I have kept diaries on and off throughout the years. There is a trend, in that they tend to more factual in 1970, becoming more emotionally focused in 1974 and beyond, presumably as I discovered the full gamut of adult emotions.
When re-visiting my diaries now, various thoughts about the truth keep popping into my head. The most important one is at the end of this piece of writing, so skip down now, if you wish!
Firstly, we will never know whether I wrote the truth in my diaries. (But what is truth?) Presumably I was writing some version of the truth. This will have been impacted on by (a) whether I thought anyone else might read the diary and (b) whether I could perceive and face the truth myself. I have to ask myself, what did I omit or embellish at the time?
Secondly, when I transcribe my teenage diaries, now, for public consumption, I don't always present exactly what I wrote at the age of 14. I might leave out things that might hurt others, or that might reveal something that is too personal about self and family. This week I even left out a corny joke that made me feel uncomfortable (am I trying to protect my 14 year old self, who existed 40 years ago, or the adult me, who still contains her?).
Thirdly, my diary keeping was imperfect, and so recently there have been questions about parts of my narrative that I cannot now answer, because my memory isn't good enough. So some truths are lost.
Fourthly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I have re-read some diary entries recently which have given me a sudden realisation of a truth that I didn't know at the time I made the entry. For example, transcribing my teenage diaries for this blog, (and in the course of doing so, imagining what a modern, adult readership will make of them), I saw my parents' relationship differently. Even more recently, I was re-reading a series of diary entries that I made in March 1988, when I was going through a messy relationship break-up. I can't write the detail here, but I suddenly saw something that I didn't see then! Not just an emotional insight - I saw a truth about facts, that had stayed hidden to me all this time - I have new knowledge! I think this emerged through re-reading the whole, swiftly, after a gap of many years. It was like a detective novel - this happened, and this happened, so of course, we must conclude that that must have happened! It has come as a bit of a shock, but one which the passage of time has made safe, and I can even laugh about it. If I meet any of you in person, I may even tell you the secret!

Any great insights about truth in here? Maybe not. It all links in with qualitative data analysis of course. And the nature of truth. Now I need a cup of coffee.

My secret diary 1970 October (ii)

Oct 17 (Sat)
We lost against Broughton 5-1. I didn't play. Did more of chemistry set. Finished it. Watching an 'X' film on telly at the moment.
Oct 18
Never did finish that film. I'm sorry, behind with diary again. I'll have to do something about it.
Oct 19
It's my birthday soon. Hurrah. I'll be 14 yrs. Gosh! What shall I be when I grow up?
Oct 20
S and J are going to take me out on my birthday they say. Won't tell me where. Didn't start P.
Oct 21
Still haven't started. Found out we (mum, dad and me) are going down Birmingham on Sat to see Norma. Can't go out with J and S.
Oct 22
J and S are going to buy me a present instead. Keep whispering about it. I wish they wouldn't. Got a bit angry about it. Still no P.
Oct 23
Birthday tomorrow. Going to see Norma. J and S will give me present on Monday. Carol brought me some bubble bath. Happy.
Oct 24 My birthday!
Mum got me writing set, Norma got me necklace. I'm happy. Didn't like going and coming in car 'cos it was stuffy. Norma's friend K also went.
Oct 25 (Sun)
Dreary day after all that. Fixed up costume for Hulme House party tomorrow. Did homework etc.
Oct 26
Hulme House party. Quite good. Had to dress as ghosts! Mum's old sheet. Tried make-up, didn't work. S went home by herself.
Oct 27 (Tues)
Nothing exciting
Oct 28
Norma is coming home tomorrow. Upset 'cos Shirl forgot birthday (so did Auntie Emma!) S a bit ill at school. Tish's party on Sat.
Oct 29
Dad's birthday tomorrow. Haven't bought him anything. Norma home. Carol came. Tried to make soap with chemistry set!
Oct 30 (Fri)
Went up town with Norma. Bought dad keyholder and torch 10/11d. Norma bought him a lighter. Quite dear.
Oct 31 (Sat)
Tish's party today. Hallowe'en. Awful drive up to house*. Nice party.


*Commentary
Oct 30 - I've always been a bit careful with money, but I'm alarmed at my meticulous recording of how much things cost!
Oct 31 - I seem to recall that Tish lived in an enormous mansion, with a big garden, big driveway, and lots of rooms. One of the consequences of going to the school that I went to was that I was thrown into the company of some affluent families. I'm not sure that I envied them. They were just of another world, like the boarding school girls in Enid Blyton's Mallory Towers.

Just finished reading . . .

'A Darkness more than Night' by Michael Connelly

7 out of 10

I read this because it was recommended by big sister, who knows her detective / crime books. She reckons Connelly is the master of the art in this genre. (Following me recommending Dragon Tattoo to her)
It was a good book, with great characters, and an unexpected plot.
However, not sure I want to read books that are driven by plot and puzzle solving. I loved all the Agatha Christies, when I discovered them many years ago, but that was my first intro to detective / murder books, and there was the extra bonus of them being magnificent period pieces.
Did the book have anything in common with my last book, 'Nocturnes' by Kazuo Ishaguro? Yes! There is a key character who is a drifting single man, discontented.
I will read another Michael Connelly sometime, but, meanwhile, I am reading good old Anita Shreve again.

My secret diary 1970 October (i)

Oct 1 (Thur)
Cried last night. Cried this morning too when I left Norma for the last time 'till Christmas. Hell's Bell's, I'm soft. Nearly cried at school. She's gone, Norma's gone*.
Oct 2 (Fri)
Hurrah! I'm on the hockey team tomorrow against Chaddy Grammar! Thrills! Norma's gone away. I miss her a bit. Mum's worried about her.
Oct 3
Dead pleased with myself. We won 1-0 in hockey. I didn't score. Annoyed with myself.
Oct 4
--
Oct 5
Can't rememeber much. Decided to invite J and S to sleep at the weekend. Don't know how to arrange it.
Oct 6
The intelligences of J and S have figured out that we can put the 2 beds together and I can sleep in the middle - cheek!
Oct 7
Did sculpturing in art. Enjoyed myself. Quite fun.
Oct 8
S said her mum is ill so she may not be able to come at the weekend.
Oct 9 (Fri)
S 'phoned said she couldn't come. All (nearly) my aunts and uncles came. Auntie May, Emma, Annie, Uncle Fred, cousin Audrey and Fred. Norma phoned. I HATE Aunite Emma. Auntie May's nice.
Oct 10
Supposed to be going to Ashton with J. Her dad was late. Couldn't go. J came back home with me. Showed ourselves up. What fun!! She slept.
Oct 11
Went to baths early with J. She kept going on about a lad who I couldn't see because I had no specs on. J is okay.
Oct 12 (Mon)
On pins about this Saturday's hockey team. I don't think I'll be on the team. Not playing very well.
Oct 13
(BWD*) Can't remember a thing. Except that Hulme House* Party will be a 'Ghostly Get Together'
Oct 14
Same as yesterday I'm afraid. Sorry (BWD) Oh! I sleep in Norma's bedroom now. Mine's too small. (AT. It's not, it's just right!)
Oct 15
(BWD) One day this week "our pals" from Frederick St nearly did J in . We didn't go that way (me & C and S)
Oct 16
I'm on as reserve for hockey against Broughton*. Disappointed naturally, but it isn't so bad. Started clearing up chemistry set. Putting it in Norm's bedroom.

*Commentary
Oct 1 - She was going off to university (the first person in our whole extended family of thousands) in Birmingham, to study Nuclear Physics.
Oct 13 BWD = behind with diary
Oct 13 - my school had a house system. You belonged to one of 4 houses (Hulme, Assheton (?), Booth or Lees - named after local dead dignitaries). I seem to recall that the houses had a points competition. They accumulated or lost points according to the good or bad behaviour of their members. A cup was awarded at speech day to the winning house. I was a relatively good girl. I remember getting some conduct marks from Miss Roker for hanging out of a classroom window, shouting to someone below. You could also get conduct marks for not wearing your hat in public, having your skirt too short and anything that a teacher deemed was unseemly behaviour for a refined young lady.
Oct 14 - AT = afterthought, written in retrospect
Oct 16 - I don't recall having any talent for sports at all. Including me on the team at all must have been a sign of desperation or kindness.

Kazuo Ishiguro - Just finished reading . . .

Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro

7 out of 10

I don't much care for reading short stories, I like to get my teeth into a longer narrative. I guess, though, that, as short stories go, these might rank in the first division. With Annie Proulx.
I've read Ishiguro before (Remains of the Day - Yay!, The Unconsoled - what???) and he always leaves me feeling a bit dissatisfied. There are gaps in the reader's knowledge, and unlikely scenarios arise. This is a clever book, in that each story has links to the others, through themes; music, relationships, men who are drifting, but I could have put it down and not finished it, because I wasn't bothered about how the stories might end. I think he's a very clever, accomplished author. It's just that he doesn't speak to me.

Did the book have anything in common with Joanne Trollope's 'Marrying the Mistress'? Well - the both look at dodgy relationships.

My secret diary 1970 September (ii)

Sept 16 (Wed)
Gosh! New machine in loos. Incinerator for S.T.s*. Bit embarassing and awfully smokey. S gone and told W about David and Pete on the moors.
Sept 17 (Thurs)
(Wed cont) imaginary situation about 2 lads on moors. S told W about it to keep her mind off "Postie, Postie, please be quick, it's my S who makes me tick"
Sept 18
Help. S got me in a fix when she said that I was in the back of a tent with Pete! I'm sorry I told C about 'Postie'. W matter cleared.
Sept 19
Sorry! I can't remember much. Aren't I naughty? Got a watch on Green Shield stamps. Norma bought me a watchstrap. 10/-. Gorgeous.
Sept 20 (Sun)
(sorry again) I'll catch up with diary on Oct 3rd. Yesterday got jumper for school* (too) £3
Sept 21
School again. Didn't use machine. Lucky me! Told girls that I got my watch from my aunt. I wish I hadn't now.
Sept 22
Had school photo. Here's me grinning like a right twit 'cos the girls behind kept cracking corny jokes. OK day.
Sept 23 (Wed)
JD invited me to bufday party on Sunday. Nice of her. Miss Turner* is horrible. She chose the same people for leading parts in the play.
Sept 24
I can't think of much. Only a month to my birthday.
Sept 25th
Hulme U/14 vs Bolton hockey tomorrow. C & S playing. I'll go to support. We'll need it.
Sept 26 (Sat)
Well done Hulme. We only lost 3-0 that's all. Friendly lot Bolton. Saw Linda Shepherd* in town on a stall. Might come on Thursday.
Sept 27 (Sun)
JD's party, and Jacqueline's (J's cousin). Went to both. A £300 organ was broken. At JD's there were lads at the window
Sept 28
J talking about the lads at the window last night. Photo out on the board at school. I look a sight.
Sept 29 (Tue)
Gosh! Norma's going away on Thurs. To Birmingham. Went to see 'Jane Eyre' at the Odeon. Not dead good. Went with J and JD
Sept 30
It struck me before I went to bed, how much my family means to me. Norma's going away. 3 years. The things that mum and dad have done for me.



*Commentary
Sept 16 - do people still say 'S.T.s' to signify sanitary towels? Do people still talk about sanitary towels? I'm left wondering how did we cope before this machine was put in? It was clearly a revolutionary thing to contemplate for my 13 year old self.
Sept 20 - navy blue, v-necked.
Sept 23 - have I introduced you to Miss Turner? She was our English teacher and the deputy head. I found her quite scarey. She was strict. She was, I think, a daughter of the Raj. She tried to make me put my 'aitches' in the right places, and reduce my Oldham accent. But - despite all this, she made me understand the English language and planted a seed of appreciation for literature. Thanks Miss Turner. But she did type-cast for plays and reading aloud in class - I never got the girly heroines. I used to get the serious men.
Sept 26 - Linda was an old friend from junior school. Going to grammar school made me lose touch.

This week I went to see . . .

Dr Faustus at the Royal Exchange in Manchester, with big sis, Paul, my wicked step-daughter and her tolerant partner.

The play is recommended.

We all enjoyed it. It had magic and special effects all the way through, some of which made me jump, and some of which were spooky. I've never seen it before and inevitably, it being Elizabethan, the language took some grappling with. The lead actor, Patrick O'Kane, didn't help, because he muttered a bit.

It is a play that, presumably, was made to make audiences think about living a good life, and going to endless joy in heaven. (Or alternatively, living a sinful, pleasurable ife, with all of the world's knowledge, power and treasures at your fingertips, and then going on to perpetual torture and nastiness in hell).

What with the Pope visiting Britain at the moment, and being a bit controversial, the play got a bonus laugh and mutter of appreciation from the audience, because there is a scene featuring the then Pope, showing his corruption and brutality. The was written after Queen Elizabeth I had been excommunicated by Rome, and the Pope had decreed that it would not be a sin to kill her. So I guess Christopher Marlowe knew which side his bread was buttered on.

A surprising lack of rants . . .

Since the birth of the coalition Con-Dem government, I have collapsed into a state of rantlessness. This is largely because everyday there is something in the news which brings on my fury and wrath. It is all too much. The British public has its intelligence insulted every day, and its future jeopardised, but it just lies down like a puppy, and accepts it all.
In October we will see the spending review results and the infrastructure of our society, built on the public service, will be decimated. Those things that we should respect and protect most; health and social care, education, arts and culture, will be starved of resources.
I just heard some guy on the radio saying that the British tax-payer shouldn't be asked to fork out more money. So let's get this right. To avoid taking more tax from those with money, let's make a whole lot of people from the public services unemployed. And then - let's see if we can get volunteers to help keep our public services running. We'll call this the Big Society, and pretend it's for the greater good. Now. Who shall we ask to volunteer? Oh, I know, let's tell the unemployed it will look good on their CVs, if they volunteer to do unpaid work in hospitals, and in libraries.
There was an article in the Guardian a while ago. I can't remember all the details, but it said something like this - if the richest people in the country (who own most of the wealth) were made to pay a one off (very big) tax payment then the budget deficit would be paid off. Full stop. They wouldn't even miss it.
We were warned that it wouldn't do to be poor, sick or otherwise vulnerable if the Tories got into power. What we hadn't anticipated was that it wouldn't do to be female or live in the North, either.
Rant over. Not so rantless as I thought!

Just finished reading . . .

Marrying the Mistress by Joanna Trollope

5 out of 10

You can always rely on a Joanna Trollope or a Maeve Binchy for good, comfortable reading. Why is a book like this a good read? Because she uses a good, strong, traditional, recognisable narrative form. All the plot-threads reach satisfying conclusions. All ends up well in the nice, middle-class, white, aga-heated world. Like Midsomer Murders, but with no murder.
But - this is not a book to earn more than 5 marks, because it is disposable. Once it has been read, it gets given away. Good books get put back on my shelf, for keeping, lending and maybe re-reading. Good books are like climbing a mountain - you have to work to get the benefit. A Joanna Trollope is like a stroll down a flowery path, then having afternoon tea in a tea-room. You'll always remember the toil, the rewards and the significance of the mountain . . .
I'm not sure that it's fair to put Maeve in the same category. I recently heard a very good short story by Maeve.

Did this book have anything in common with the last book I read - The Road? No, no, no, no.

My secret diary 1970 September (i)

I'm going to start this entry by making an announcement. It was my Auntie May, my Godmother, who bought me the diary originally. She died 10 years ago. Two days ago, on 2.9.10 her son, my cousin Allan, died, aged 72. It was a terribly hard and sad death. This is an act of remembrance.

Sept 1 (Tues)
Visited J. Didn't go to S's. Not a very interesting day, can't remember much.
Sept 2
Didn't do much. Some embroidery. Made part of a dress for my Tressy doll. Sandra came and nearly cut my poor doll's hair off.
Sept 3
Was going to go to baths with J and S but suddenly found out I'd started my P. Dead annoyed. Not a very nice day.
Sept 4 (Fri)
Tut Tut BWD*. I HATE AUNTIE EMMA. The things that she's said about me behind my back. Ugh. Went up town. Didn't buy anything exciting.*
Sept 5
CUWD* Just read all through diary, had a good laugh (in some parts). Sat all by myself. Dad keeps going on about my fees. Sick of it.*
Sept 6 (Sun)
S phoned me and J. Decided to have a party on Friday. Great! I'm going to S's tomorrow!!!
Sept 7
Went to S's after dinner. No, she came to our house. We sent invitations to everyone. Made posters.
Sept 8
I went to S's. J didn't feel like coming. Did the garage out. Great time. BWD S's dad took me home.
Sept 9
A day to myself at last! Made some posters for the party. Spent nearly all afternoon doing them. Did bedroom.
Sept 10
Went to J's, then went to S's. Did a bit more on garage. Started talking about vampires, ghosts etc. I must believe in them.
Sept 11 (Fri)
The Party. A success until S's sister broke the heat 'n' light bulb. They cost over £1. It may have been her or chemistry.
Sept 12 (Sat)
CUWD. Went up town and bought Norma a make-up bag and make-up. Bargains! Went to library. Got 'Mist over Pendle'.
Sept 13
Happy Birthday Norm! Oh Dear! Guess who's behind 3 weeks with the diary. Dum de dum ~
Sept 14 (Mon)
School tomorrow (still BWD) Can't think what else. Norma's definitely going to Birmingham University.
Sept 15
O happy day. Back to school. In Biology Lab. On first dinner. Not so bad. Horrible smell. OK though. In UIVF now.

*Commentary
Sept 4 - BWD stands for behind with diary. With my adult, occupational therapist's hat on, I would say that this is a young adolescent who needs to be engaged in some meaningful and purposeful activity! She needs to go back to school!
Sept 5 - CUWD stands for caught up with diary. I went to a 'grant-maintained' grammar school. It was fee-paying, if you passed the entrance exam, but it was means tested. When I first went there we didn't have to pay fees, but later we did. I think it must have been hard for mum and dad. Dad thought that education was the most important thing n the world. Here I am, in adult life, working at a university.

Just finished reading . . .

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

10 out of 10

This is a short book. I wanted to put it down, because it is hard, uncomfortable, ugly. But it is also tender, beautiful and profound. It is about the physical world, and the emotional world, pared down to their basics. It makes me be more appreciative of basic, simple things that I take for granted. It will make me think more about small kindnesses, green leaves and my comfortable life. It has made me think about what is going on in Pakistan and Darfur.
It was difficult to evaluate because there are so many superlative reviews presented on the inside covers, but I'm not sure I can fault it, except that it wasn't a pleasurable read. But why should I expect or want that?

What does it have in common with the last book I read, 'The Time Traveler's Wife'? That shoes are important for comfort and survival.

I want to pick up another book to read, but they are all too trivial now.

Just finished reading . . .

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

9 out of 10

I couldn't give it 9 out of 10, because I had to make myself keep reading up to page 100, wondering what the point was.
A stupid thing to wonder, really. I think this may be one of the great love stories. How did the author have the imagination to conceptualise this? Wow! I haven't seen the film, and I don't think I'd better do, because I don't want my sense of the book spoiled. What a relationship these 2 people have!
There is a link between this and the 'Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' in that they are both about 21st century living, from the perspective of thirty-somethings. They are both about relationships.

Even better - there is a very clear link between the 'Time Traveler's Wife' and my experience of publishing my teenage diary on this blog. That whole feeling of being me now, looking back, objectively and subjectively, at me then, and recognising myself as being a different being, yet the same being. I wonder if I ever, as a teenager, foresaw that I would be read by me at 53. And if I did, what did I think the older me would be like? I could go on in this vein for ever - so I'll stop! (But thanks to Angela Hook for sharing thoughts about diary-publishing).

I'm going to read 'The Road' next. Paul gave it 10 out of 10. But I suspect it will depressing, so I've been putting it off.

Just finished reading . . .

Girl with a Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

8 out of 10

Well - this book has made me ponder on what makes a good author! How has Stieg made me turn the pages so fast, so frequently and helped me to understand several complex storylines all running in parallel? He must have been a good writer. He lost 2 marks, for doing the kind of things that thrillers have to do, or they wouldn't be thrillers (which I don't normally read) Will I rush to read the second book? - not yet - but probably will at some point. Good escapism.

Now will I read The Time-Traveller's Wife or The Road? I have packed both in my suitcase.

Just finished reading . . .

Gentlemen and Players by Joanne Harris

5 out of 10

A nice thriller cum who-dun-it, set in a private boys' school. About revenge and infatuation. The style is a bit like Ruth Rendell, when she gets inside the head of someone who is disturbing. Ruth does it better. As does Patricia Highsmith, who is the best at doing it.

Now I'm going to read 'Girl with a Dragon Tattoo' because a good friend has recommended and lent it to me. It puts me off that everyone is singing its praises. I sometimes avoid what is very popular. I did this with the film Jaws when it first came out. I must have been the only person who didn't go to the cinema to see it. Then when I did see it on TV, years later, I realised what a great film I had missed!

My secret diary 1971 August (ii)

I made very few entries in this period. I wonder what I was doing?
However, on Aug 26th I made an effort to start keeping the diary again.
I can't reproduce exactly what I wrote on that day because I had decided to write in English, but using the Russian alphabet (I was studying Russian for 'O' level). I must have thought it was a way of keeping my diary secret. It didn't last. Here's my translation
Aug 26 (Thurs)
On school holiday. Sorry about long space. S gave me the idea for Russian writing. Norma very upset about friend.
Aug 27 (Fri) (Here I reverted mainly to the English alphabet)
Didn't do much again. Messed about with chemistry set in morning and went in town in afternoon. Bad mood*!!
Aug 28th
I will try hard to keep up with dairy. Nothing again. J will be coming home this weekend. S went on holiday today. Boring. Dentist.
Aug 29th
See next year - sorry!


* this in Russian

My secret diary 1970 August (ii)

August 16th (sun)
Didn't take Sandra to the baths 'cos she's got laryngitis. Started feeling artistic! Finished Norma's bag (crocheting) OK day.
Aug 17th
Funny day. Busy but not full, if you see. Went to Greenwoods. Did quite a lot of painting and art etc. New book-mark. A green snake. New symbol of jealousy.
Aug 18th
Horrible tummy pains. Not done much all day. Susan and Antony and mum came. OK.
Aug 19th
Went to stay with S. Quite good. Did some dressing up. Dead scarey room.
Aug 20th
As I was saying on Wed she's got a scarey room. Went to Manchester with S. Got dinner for 3/3d!! Poured down!. Dressed up again!!
Aug 21st
All S's relations came visiting for dinner. Have you ever asked for 13 pies in a shop? Poor Karen, locked in room*. Danced! Fantastic!
Aug 22nd
Shocked! S's ma and pa were really mad when she broke her heel. BORED! Oh God help us. Me and S were bored stiff in town. Nothing could save us.
Aug 23rd (Sun)
Passed the day doing nothing much. Home from S's now. Going to Auntie Emma's tomorrow (with Shirley?)
Aug 24th
Went to Ashton, then to Sheffield (Stocksbridge). Fairly safely. Saw Diane, gosh, what a difference. Baths tomorrow. Never see Cousin Jack. He's shy. Staying with Auntie Emma.
Aug 25th
Went to baths with Diane and Kay. Dead nice "baths attendant" called John. Funny. Diane's ok so is Kay. Modern baths. Heard tale of Valkmar, her idol.
Aug 26th
Went to Nottingham with a party of old age pensioners. Ugh. Mrs Lawton led us round for 1hr looking for a 'suitable' restaurant. Nice castle.
Aug 27th (thurs)
Went to baths again. Diane is lovesick over a "swine" called Valkmar. He's Austrian (a penpal) who's out for what he can get. She was in tears over him.
Aug 28th
Went to Sheffield with Auntie Emma (can't stand her). Wrote letters to J and S. It's great in Sheffield. I didn't buy anything. Made soaps.*
Aug 29th (Sat)
Great day. Gail and Sandra (2 friends) were drunk in the field. Kissing all the boys! Gail's ma walloped her. Went home from A.E.'s. Had a fairly nice time*.
Aug 30th (Sun)
OK day except right now I feel like crying my eyes out. Nothing much except dad trying to start an argument. Made things.
Aug 31st
Nice day. Saw horrible film on telly based on H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds". Yuck. Ian McShane is gorgeous (an actor). Done some embroidery. J rung. Going tomorrow.

Commentary
Aug 21st - I've no idea to which Karen this refers, or why she is locked in a room! Maybe it was the dog? No-one calls their dog Karen.
Aug 28th - I have a very clear memory of Auntie Emma showing me how to decorate bars of soap with pieces of ribbon, small beads and small silk flowers, fixing these with straight pins. These were then taken to 'sales of work', along with knitted teapot covers and cloth peg-bags, to raise money for good causes.
Aug 29th - poor Auntie Emma. She must have tried so hard to find ways to entertain me, a sulky teenager. Maybe mum sent me there because she was fed up with my sulking.

Reading . . .

Now reading 'Gentlemen and Players' by Joanne Harris. I've read her 'Blackberry Wine', which was good fun. I haven't read 'Chocolat'. I think I bought this at some charity shop. It's been lying on my books-to-be-read shelf for a while.

Just finished reading . . .

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell

This is such an important book. I wonder what it was like to read it in 1937 when it was first published? Was it shocking? George Orwell, self-defined as lower-upper-class spent time researching and living with miners' families in Wigan during the depression years in the 1930s.

The book still has so much relevance for today. It should be compulsory reading in schools. His chapters made me understand, a little better, mining communities (and the mass destruction carried out by Margaret Thatcher and her government), unemployment and the damage that it does to individuals and to communities, poverty, poor housing (and the importance of council housing), the class divide and the North-South divide.
I realised, as I read, that my mother was one of the Northern town cotton mill workers that he describes, living in a 4 roomed house, in a family of about 9 children plus parents). She was 22 in 1937, and, according to Orwell, probably being paid less than 30 shillings a week.
There are those, in the early 21st century, who argue that the term 'class' is no longer relevant. I stopped listening to the Archers on Radio 4 a while ago because it became clear to me that the scripts are written from the premise that the low-paid, non-land-owning characters (such as the Grundies) are there to be laughed at, or pitied, or vilified for their various money-making schemes and scams. Meanwhile there is a clear dominance of middle (and upper) class characters whose lives we are really supposed to be following. Orwell made me think of this in one of his paragraphs, with a very accurate description of how the working classes are regarded by the middle classes in 1930s Britain.
Now I'll stop ranting and confess that I didn't read the last two chapters, in which he is analysing why, in Europe at that time, fascism was gaining more support than socialism. After writing this book, he went off to join the International Brigade, fighting fascism in the Spanish Civil War. I got irritated with some of his sweeping generalisations about 'types' of people, which didn't hit my early 21st century sensibilities easily.
9 out of 10
There is a link to the last book I read - The Children's Book, by AS Byatt, which chronologically falls just a before The Road to Wigan Pier. It is difficult for a middle/upper class Communist (Charles/Karl, in the Children's Book) to mix and talk with the working classes.

Now, what shall I read next? I might go for total garbage.

Just finished reading . . .

The Children's Book by A.S. Byatt.

Wow. I have been thoroughly disturbed by this book, on lots of levels. It is about Arty-Crafty people at the turn of the 20th century, about fabians, anarchists and liberal-minded types. Mostly it is about their children. The book is long, though it only covers a period of 20 years: it starts in 1895 and ends in 1919. As I read nearer to the end I knew that I was being led into the First World War and I didn't want to go there. But I went, and it can never be an easy journey, rightly so.
I think it a book about families, about hypocrisy, about love, and fear and betrayal of the deepest kind. It is also about society changing, reluctantly at first, then forced to change fast.
I thought I knew about WWI, and about art, and pottery and the Suffragettes, but there is always more one can learn. Layers of new learning about old subjects enrich us, over time.
I'll give this book 8.5 out of 10. The only reason that I'm not giving it more is because I suspect that I am not well-read anough to have fully appreciated all the contextual referencing that she did throughout the book.

Now I'm thinking of re-reading 'The Road to Wigan Pier' by George Orwell. The copy that I've got is very dog-eared, and inside it says that I bought it on Oldham Market for 25p. I suspect I have had it since about 1980. I don't often re-read books, but I have got to know Wigan better over the last year, and I need to think about socialism again. Also, there was a play on Radio 4 the other day which was about Orwell's visit to Wigan, when he was researching for the book. It was on my pile of 'books to read', so I thought I was receiving a direct message through the airwaves, to pick George up.

A. S. Byatt. - Reading

My secret diary 1970 August (i)

Aug 1 (Sat)
Went to Carnival with J and her sister and brother. Slept night.
Aug 2nd (Sun)
Thought that S would be coming round to our house but she couldn't make it. J came back home with me.
Aug 3rd
Tried to make friends with 3 year old Alexandra next door (yuck) Went to baths with J and C. Never forgive myself for losing purse with key in it.
Aug 4th
Sorry! Behind with diary 'cos of losing key. I'll catch up on August 15th.
Aug 5th
Arranged with J to go and see a picture at the ABC*. Arrived late. A bit worried about money though. Gosh, what a lot of problems.
Aug 6th (Bomb dropped on Hiroshima on Aug 6th)
Went to flicks with J today instead. Saw "Goodbye Mr Chips" Peter O'Toole is quite attractive, good singer too.*
Aug 7th (Fri)
I WANT A BOYFRIEND! I'm fed up! Went to pics again to see "Carry On Teacher" and "Carry on Nurse" Funny. Bought bufday card for Lorette.
Aug 8th
Nuffin' happens (Aren't I a liar? Just 'cos I've lost me key) Going to stay with F on Monday.
Aug 9th (Sun)
Got a card and a present for F. Box of After Eights and a pen. MUM PAID (7/11) Spent all day just wrapping them up.
Aug 10th
(Going to stay with F) F came. Went up town, then went to F's. Horrible! So perfectly goody-goody! (Yuck) (In a word)*
Aug 11th (Tue)
Still at F's (Yuck). Feel as though I'm being watched all the time. Went to see Mrs Nuttall. She's lovely, she's 75 and she's getting married.
Aug 12th
Still at F's (yuck) So boring! Met the great Bensons. F is always going on about them. Wonderful. Sally Benson didn't bother to come. Been living in South Africa and very prejudiced.
Aug 13th
Luvly time. We organised a 'fair' for some kids near F's. Raised 4/11d. Just Hoop-las and such-like
Aug 14th (Fri)
At last I've some home from F's. I've honestly only enjoyed about 3 hours there. Her dad's very old-fashioned.*
Aug 15th (Sat)
S came to our house. We went to J's. Me and J spun a tale about two lads. S confided in me that she has a problem.



*Commentary
Aug 5th - those were the good old days when small towns had 2 or 3 cinemas in easy travelling distance. It would have been interesting to know what film we saw! A critical review would have been good too! But, then, who am I to make demands of my 13 year old self?
Aug 6th - I knew my 13 year old self wouldn't let me down! I had an opinion on everything, even then.
Aug 10th - I know, I was horrible. I have changed the names, although this person is not a fb friend. Trying to be honest and not edit the diary too much, but feel very uncomfortable.
Aug 14th - My mum and dad were quite old (mum had me when she was 41), so my dad would have been 54 at this time - yet I clearly didn't put him in the category of 'old-fashioned' like F's dad. This is a revelation to me now, looking back.

my secret diary 1971 July

There were no entries at all in July 1971. I was 14, and clearly too busy.

My secret diary 1970 July (ii)

July 17th Friday
Broke up for long summer hols. Till Sept 15th. Collected autographs. Miss Brierley leaving. Me, S and J gave her a book.
July 18th
I'm bored already. The thought of 8 more weeks. Ugh. Went to J's. Richard's got measles. Boys in park. Ha.
July 19th
The Great Auntie Emma came to stay. Ugh. She's horrible. S rang me up. Allan, Auntie May and Herbert came.
July 20th Mon
(Bit behind with diary). Went to Carol's to see if she can come on Wed. She can. She took me to the park. I went up town after with Auntie Emma.
July 21st
Still behind with diary. I can't think what happened. Helped mum to wash the clothes*. Quite enjoyed it. Didn't do much else.
July 22nd
Went to J's, then to S's. Then had dinner, played tennis at Westwood Park. Went to baths. Then S had a "mini-raver-upper". 6 people.
July 23rd Thurs
Carol came after dinner. Used Meccano a bit. I made a robot, clever me. Carol and me went to park and played golf. Helped Auntie Emma to make pillows.
July 24th
Still chopping up those pieces to go in the pillows for Auntie Emma. Carol came. Messed about with her chemistry set. Thought we'd discovered a stain remover.
July 25th
Learned how to crochet (from Auntie Emma). Still don't like that woman. Took her home*. Cousin Jack is strange. So shy. Feel uncomfy with him.
July 26th
Tidied bedroom (wonders will never cease!). Crocheted a bag for Norm. Making i) a bag, ii) a quilt, iii) some gonks iv) a house. Golly what a lot!!!!
July 27th Mon
Didn't do much. Norma off work 'cos of 'cold'. I think she's faking it a bit though*. She doesn't want to go to David's.
July 28th
Sorry! I'm behind with diary (that's you). Yesterday I went to library. Got Gandhi book and a russian one.
July 29th Wed
Went up town with mum. Bought sewing machine needles, saucer for plant pot and all sorts. I'm lazy - I didn't do any work.
July 30th
Today (I've caught up on diary) S phoned. She goes on hols next Wed. Pity! Fixed going to carnival on Sat, with J. Front garden.
July 31st Fri
Behind with diary. Sorry! Don't know what happened.

Commentary*
July 21st - we had a twin tub machine. I think there were jobs to do like filling the tub with a hose-pipe from the sink, because it wasn't plumbed in. We had a pair of those wooden tongs for lifting the clothes from the hot water. After rinsing a couple of times they had to be lifted into the spinner drum. It's all coming back to me! Bring on your twin tubs!
July 25th - taking Auntie Emma home was always a good trip. She lived near Sheffield, so we had to drive over the Pennine moors, along the Isle of Skye Road (later famous as the place that the Moors Murderers buried some of their victims). The landscape is harsh and the weather could be interesting. Emma's son, Jack, lived with her until she died. Like his father he worked at Foxes steel works. He normally went and did some odd jobs in the shed when visitors came, but he liked talking to my dad.
July 27 - sorry, Norma, if you are reading this!

Rape, anonymity and NHS managers - a rant

I am keeping an eye on what the Con-Dem government are up to. I may have to regularly monitor and rant. 3 things this morning:
1)The new coalition government are planning to grant rape defendants anonymity, despite much protest from women's groups, police and MPs on all sides of the House. This anonymity was dropped in 1988. This is the second display of contempt for women that the new government has shown. The first was the budget.
2)GPs are to take on responsibility for commissioning and paying for services for their patients. This will mean that they take on the work currently done by managers and administrators. They have been trained to practice medicine. They are a sparse resource. All this electioneering bunkum about not reducing front-line staff in the NHS is nonsense. Managers will be made redundant in droves. Then who will manage the frontline staff and services? Well, my guess is that the paperwork and meetings won't go away - they will have to be managed by senior clinical practitioners. They have been trained to practice. Who will treat the patients?
3)The Guardian this morning gives an interesting breakdown of the exactly where the school building projects have been axed. 57.2% of the stopped projects are in Labour party seats. Speaks for itself. But is it political or just a disregard for the needs of the poorer sections of society?

Byatt, Bryson and Mosse - Reading....

I recently read Labyrinth by Kate Mosse. It was left on the narrow-boat by a friend who said it is a good read. I know more about 13th century French history, the Cathars and Carcassone, but I don't want to read thrillers about the Holy Grail anymore. 5 out of 10.
Also, I have just read 'Shakespeare' by Bill Bryson, which I bought at the Globe Theatre last year. What a good writer! I don't know much more about Shakespeare, but Bill B admitted that there's not much to know. Oh I do prefer reading fiction, though. 6 out of 10.
I'm now reading 'The Children's Book' by A.S. Byatt, because I'm a sucker for Booker prize-list books. I haven't read her before because she seems to be stuck in a smug middle-class groove. But how can I think this if I don;t read her?! I got the book in a charity shop in Leigh.

My secret diary 1970 July (i)

July 1 Wed
Proud because everyone was admiring our model in art. (Got 85% in maths, 3rd) Boring day. We're going camping in holidays.
July 2
Nice day. Got a letter from Shirley. 8 sides!!! Wrote a letter to Lorette*. Norma finished dress. (R.I. 66% Music 60%) Average 70.7%
July 3
S and J came. Going to do science experiments. Them two giddy.
July 4
Got new coat. Wore the dress that Norma made. Babysat for Audrey. Awful but funny. Me and Norma were both tired out. Not Sandra.
July 5 Sun
Went to see Susan and Anthony. Quite good. Home from holidays. Bought me a preesent. I was touched. Took Lady. 2 plane crashes.
July 6 Mon
OK day. Could be better. Everyone was touched about planes. Horrible! Norma got lots of phone calls about Oldham Oxfam after write-up in paper.
July 7
Went on trip with school. To Pilkington's Glass Museum. Quite good. (Ainsdale. Beaches. Sea) Made a fool of myself when coach nearly went without me.
July 8 Wed
Got an awful suspicion that mum's been looking at Diary. Help. Invited Shirley to walk on July 11th. After careful thought. M.W. thief.
July 9
Shirley* came and we made arrangements. She's changed. She's grown too! I hope mum hasn't looked in Diary. Posted letter to Lorette.
July 10 Fri
S, J and me must be good friends. We had a good talk today about periods. Went up town to library for 'Oldham Project'.
July 11
Phew. Went on 16 mile walk today, for school swimming pool*. Raised £1/12/0d not very good. Dance after. Shirl refused a lad who wanted to dance.
July 12 Sun
Shirley slept. She's nice. That lad last night was too old really. We took Shirl home. Made a few things. Boring day really, looking back.
July 13
Terribly tired. Didn't argue with S at all. I think I'll steer clear of arguments. Miss Hatch praised me. Chuffed. Met our 'friends' again (see March 5/6)*
July 14 Tue
Right on time. School prize-giving. Humph. Right flop!!! Dad keeps going on about me not getting a prize. I'll try next time. Miss Turner doesn't like me.
July 15 Wed
No art. Saw 'Caesar and Cleopatra' instead. Wonderful acting. That Caesar. Although she was a girl, she made a dead sexy fella!!! (A.T. - J, C and R thought so too!)
July 16
Did hardly any lessons. Break up tomorrow. Feel dead depressed for some reason. Still thinking about Caesar yesterday.

Commentary*
July 2 - Lorette was my French penfriend. She lived near Amiens, I think.
July 9 - I went to primary school with Shirley, but we went to different senior schools.
July 11 - much of our school life seemed to be dominated by raising money to build a swimming pool. This was achieved, but I don't think I ever swam in it. Did I?
July 13 - these were the girls who we thought terrorised us as we went home from school, knocking our velour hats off, and calling us 'posh'. Part of the penalty paid for going to a selective grammar school.

My secret diary 1971 June (ii)

No entries from June 16 to June 30th - perhaps I was living a life, instead of just recording one!

My secret diary 1970 June (ii)

June 16 Tue
Didn't worry about exams until I got home. Didn't start revision till late. UGH. UGH. UGH.
June 17
EXAMS. I prayed this morning. Not to God but to my mind. Geography and Russian. My cold! Awful experience.
June 18 (General election)
EXAMS!!!! English & Science. Quite enjoyed English exam. Let imagination free. Science . . . . well. Aren't I lazy? Auntie May came June 17.
June 19 Fri
Music and R.I. Music UGH. R.I. UGH. Still not worried. Went to fair with S. Saw K with her boyfriend, snogging. Lucky devil! Do not covet!
June 20 Sat
Revised History for exam on Monday. Nearly all day. So boring. Fell asleep over it at night. Forgot to mention Edward Heath P.M.
June 21 Sun
Today I went to Chester Zoo with Mum, Dad, Norma and J. Disgusted by ignorant people who can't read "FEEDING PROHIBITED" signs*
June 22
French and History Exams. Dad on holiday. Exams not so bad. Only one left. Thank Goodness. In a bad mood today. Sick. (not literally)
June 23
Horrible maths exam. Last one thank goodness! Got first result (72% Geography 9th) Quite pleased. Poor Lady and her eye.*
** see below
June 26
Went to S's house. Lovely view of all Grotton and Lydgate. 'Planet Suite'.
June 27 Sat
Went to J's party. She didn't know who was going! Good time.
June 28
Keep getting a pain in my side. Appendicitis!? Went with baby Sandra to baths but they were shut. She was disappointed.
June 29 Mon
English 67% French 71% S upset about her English. Don't know why.
June 30
History 71% Not so bad. Had great time yesterday in music. Everyone acted the fool. It was worth getting punished for. 1 essay on Bach.

*Commentary
June 21 - this is embarrassing - the phrase sanctimonious little know-it-all comes to mind!
** THERE IS A PAGE MISSING FROM MY DIARY! Why is 24th/25th June missing? It looks like I tore it out! When? Why?
June 23 - Lady was our lovely black mongrel dog, in case any readers have forgotten. I can't recall what was wrong with her eye.

my secret diary 1971 June (i)

June 1st Tue
Did absolutely nothing all day. Mum had a miscarriage in-between Norma and me. I didn't know until Norma told me a bit back. Copied some of Tolkien.
June 2nd
What a day! Oh Jackie you're really so lazy. Just moped around all day. Pretended to do some revision but didn't really. Read.
June 3rd Thurs
Read another Agatha Christie. Fab. 'The Mysterious Affair at Styles'. Went to town. Bought pen and crayons. Got whistled at. Poor mum and poor dad. Poor everyone.
June 4th
Day passed fairly quickly. I began to do my revision. Went into town with mum. Got some photos developed. Ugh. From 3 years back.
June 5th Sat
Quiet day again. Helped dad to wash car. Went up town with him. J is back from Holland. I'm a bit upset. She got a boyfriend while there. Jealous.
June 6th
A Nothing day. A bit behind with diary. Norma's coming home next weekend. Good.
June 7th Mon
Back to school. Done hardly any revision. About 9 days to go. I don't like anyone.
June 8th
Still did no revision. Exam fever hasn't struck yet. Ah well. Dad brought fantastic Atls. Beautiful. So big and colourful. Crammed full of info.
June 9th Wed
Da da! Actually revised all me French. First exam you see. Night passed too quickly. Feel tired all the time. Mum's always sad on Wednesday.
June 10th - June 15th
no entries.

My secret diary 1970 June (i)

June 1st Mon
I'm a bit behind with diary, so I've forgotten
June 2nd
Miss Roker was in a bad mood in History. She told S she'd like to slap her! I've been chosen for a 'Parliamentary Politician'
June 3rd
I've been waiting for today all week. Don't know why. 'Christi' Number 1. Ugh. Worried about exams. Nice games lesson. Fab din hour. S and I.
June 4th Thur
Didn't do that thing in history. Thank goodness! Someone's a thief and a sneak in our form. I hate this.
June 5th
Dad went for stomach test. Went to J's after school. S didn't 'cos of little sister. Went home about 10 o'clock. Frightened of gang of lads at bus-stop. J's dad took me home.
June 6th Sat
Went to J's again. Good.
June 7th Sun
Nothing much. Nobody visited. Still haven't started revision. Behind with diary. If only I'd known better I'd have done all revision.
June 8th Mon
S and I both in 'catty' moods. I started revision at last. Dead worried about exams. (On June 17th) Poor Norma still on 'A' levels.
June 9th
S and I had an argument over revision at dinner time. I walked off. J and her laugh! Saw fantastic film on drug addiction. 'Gail is dead'
June 10th Wed
Terrible thunderstorm last night. Awake nearly an our listening to it and watching it.
June 11th
Another thunderstorm only worse. Frightened me. We had a flood. Wrecked garden. I caught cold.
June 12th Fri
S & j & me had long argument about S not being able to go to J's house.
June 14th Sun
Boring day (revision). Behind with diary.
June 15th Mon
terrified about exams on Wednesday. Can't be too bad. Normal day.

Commentary
June 9th - they must have shown us these educational films to warn us off drugs etc. But I think we felt they were about people in another world from us. I don't recall identifying with them.

My secret diary 1971 May (ii)

May 16 Sun
OK day. Did homework. Read a lot of 'Fellowship of the Ring'. Wrote letter to Janet Day (she left Hulme). Might phone woman tomorrow about selling flags for the NSPCC.
May 17
OK day. Phoned woman about NSPCC flags. But you've got to be 16 or over. Ask people tomorrow in 6th form. Wrote letter to Russian penfriend to be.
May 18 Tue
Finished Tie-dye in art. Miss Powell said it was good! Parents' meeting at school about O levels. Got a fairly good report. All said I was TOO quiet. I hate Miss Turner.
May 19
Tried to answer a bit more in class, no choice really. O level subjects are Chem, Biol, Phys, Russ + Geog (inc Maths and 2 Eng). Hope I pass. I hate French.
May 20
sorry. Bit behind with diary. Can't remember anything really. J having party. My idea. In garage.
May 21 Fri
Evelyn (nice girl) brought tape-recorder for use at J's party. Fantastic. Auntie Emma is here to stay. Oh blimey. I am trying to be nice.
May 22 Sat
At J's party 3 lads came to door about notice "knock 3 times". Nearly died! "Well, are we invited?" Poor things - the shame. Oh well.
May 23 Sun
Loads of homework piled up through week. Met Mr Jack Coles. Some friend of dad's. Teacher or something. Auntie Emma snores! Oh I detest her.
May 24 Mon
Stayed after school to watch 6th form play "Mary Barton" by Mrs Gaskell. Fascinating old diaries etc. S and I in giddy mood. Had fun.
May 25
Art. Mrs Crewe (French teacher) is dead funny. She talks to herself and looks at ceiling all the time. What fun. All giddy. Finished table.
May 26
sore throat all day, broke out into a cold tonight. Break up on Friday for a week for Whitsun. I don't want to grow up.
May 27
Rotten stinking cold. It's horrible. Usual thing, runny nose, cough, blocked head. Oh. J and some of school go to Holland tomorrow.
May 28
Wish I was going to Holland. Me and J went into town this afternoon. Got film in camera. Dad brought sweets and flasks. Awful cold.
May 29
Rotten cold. Nothing happened really. Bit fed up. Cried at night when mum and dad were out. Don't know why. Then laughed. photos, memories.
May 30
Cousin Marion & Gerard & Christine & Susan & Michelle and David came. Phew! David is a foster child. Feel sorry for him. Susan slept the night.
May 31 Mon
Went to visit guess who? Auntie Emma. Typical. Her and mum are planning to go on holiday AND tag me along. Oh help. Don't want to hurt mum.

Commentary
May 18 - although I may have hated Miss Turner, I have had reason to thank her in recent years for giving me a grounding in English literature, and also an instinctive knowledge of English grammar. Thanks Miss Turner (who is now dead. She was a daughter of the Raj)
May 28 - dad worked all his life for a confectionery wholesale company (starting when he was 14, and it was just him and a chap called 'Uncle Tommy' selling sweets from a van). Mum, Norma and I benefitted from sweet samples regularly.

My secret diary 1970 May (ii)

May 16 Sat
Felt rotten this morning. Had good (?) cry in bathroom for no reason at all. I do not believe in God. Beautiful weather.
May 17
Wore pink dress. Nice really. Felt pretty. Started to make cushion. Like Jack Wild. H.R. Pufnstuf. Looked for nursery (plant) Whit Sunday.
May 18
LUXURY! No school. Felt busy. Tidied house, went up town with mum. Saw IP, KH 7 LD. Wish I hadn't. Tidied bedroom. Started jigsaw.
May 19 Tues
Busy day! S came in morning. Carol came in afternoon. Went to Coliseum Theatre with S at night "The Plaza Suite". Pretty good.
May 20
Did some howmework and revision at last! Went to baths with C and A. A is soft and spoilt. MONEY.
May 21
B.E.D. Went to J's house to take money from 10 mile walk to vicar. J is okay.
May 22 - George Best's Birthday
B.E.D. Went to S's with Droolie (nickname) Late again. Good time. Mostly. Listened to records.
May 23 Sat
Helped dad with garden. Saw LS in town. Bought some plants. Fascinating "ice-flowers". Did a bit of revision. Not much.
May 24 Sun
Went with ma and pa into Stocksbridge to see Aunt Emma. She wasn't in! (She didn't even write or send a postcard) Great day.
May 25
Normal day. Mum in a bad mood. Me and Norma made dinner. I washed up. Humph. Just had a drink of lager. Think I'm drunk.
May 26 Tue
Back to school. Pretty normal day. Found out Miss Brierley's leaving. So is JD. I'm behind with diary
May 27
Bit worried 'cos I have either lost or had stolen a shilling. It isn't much really but I suspect someone in my class. Perhaps it's just me.
May 28 Thur
Phone working. Hurrah! Sick of homeowrk! History. Ugh. English. Ugh. Miss Turner nearly lost temper with me. HA. Like Miss Hatch.
May 29
Happy Day. Sunny. After school J and S came. Poor S broke her heel and couldn't get home. Mended it though. (Dougie did) Good day.
May 30 Sat
Went in town with dad. Saw Billy Barrow (used to go to Richmond), didn't see me. Nice looking. Poor Norma. Has A levels on Mon.
May 31
Pretty boring day. In a giddy mood near the end of the day. Upset about tape-recorder. Broken. First day of the world cup. Revision.

Commentary
May 29 - Dougie was a neighbour who, some years later, became diabetic, and as a consequence lost his sight and both his legs. He was a friend of my dad's.
May 30 - Richmond was my junior school

My secret diary 1971 May (i)

May 1 Sat
Quick day. Norm going tomorrow. Went to SG's birthday party. OK. As usual. Nothing new. Had bath. Dad wanted to argue.
May 2 Sun
Feel a bit upset. We drove Norma down to Birm. I wish she wasn't going. Be-Be (the dog) is pregnant. She's a sausage dog. I feel like crying.
May 3
Usual back to school day. Ugh. Moved into Norma's room. Do I like it? Played tennis after school with Carol and J.
May 4
Pretty normal day. Hoping to get Russian penfriend. Spent ages writing poem for English (School mag) about astronauts. Carol thumping me.
May 6 Thurs
New chemistry teacher's okay. Got sheets on 'O' level exams. I'm going to do biochemistry. Take maths, Eng Lang and Lit, Bio, Chem, Physics and Russian. Played tennis.
May 7 Fri
Usual.
May 8 Sat
At J's. Watched FA Cup final on her colour telly. Arsenal won. Good. I like Charlie George. Two fellas were watching too. Dead funny.
May 9 Sun
Spent most of day at J's. Quite good. Wore midi which me and Norma made. Met Des and Maureen - J's cousin and fiancee. Des is nice-looking.
May 10
I am going to do biochemistry. S still hasn't made up her mind and J is to be a linguist. Feel sick and tired. Teachers meeting with parents soon. UGH!!
May 11
Feel horrible. Crying my eyes out. Everything's getting on top of me. So much homework and yet not a lot. OH HELL
May 12
Exams on 16th June. O-level. Tut. I upset mum yesterday by being late home from school. She was crying. Oh God. I am so frightened. What's wrong with dad?
May 13
I wish I could see dad more. I'm sure Mrs Stanton thinks I'm daft. I hate, detest, physics. Oh no, what's happening to me?
May 14
Awful day. No teachers like me. Miss Turner. God I hate her. Miss Hatch doesn't really like me either, but she's v nice. Getting well into 'Lord of the Rings' Part 1.
May 15 Sat
'Lord of the Rings' is very good. 'Fellowship of the Ring' I think Strider or Aragorn is sexy. Went into town with J. Felt grotty. Bought some pumps. Ok day.

My secret diary 1970 May (i)

May 1st Fri
TB still a red spot. Don't like Miss Arrowsmith the RI teacher, too strict. Doing well in maths.
May 2nd
TB no change. Took specs to opticians. Feel helpless without them. Went with J to a daft Mayfair thing.
May 3rd
Slept at J's. Got sponsor cards for walk next week. Saw some great lads. Worried about school and no specs.
May 4 Mon
TB no change. Did okay without specs. Teachers nice. Felt ill in Russian. Had to go to sick room. Headaches! I'm sick. Nice weather.
May 5th
Lovely day. Hot. Got specs back. Dear old mum! People were nice. S and I had a nice talk. So did Carol and I. J away today and yesterday.
May 6
Miss Brierley's nice. Done some of world children comp at school. Lost a tennis ball at school. Full of scratches. 'Spirit in the Sky' No. 1
May 7 Thur
Bit of vague uprising at school about Miss Roker. She's awful. So unfair. Talks about people when they're not there. Gives us too much homework. Miss Hatch is fab.
May 8 Fri VE Day
TB showing a bit! Miss Arrowsmith didn;t come so Miss Roker gave us work to do!!!!!!
May 9 Sat
seemed to be busy doing nothing all day! Went to J's at about 4.15. Went boy-hunting. They all seemed to disappear (wonder why?)
May 10 Sun
Dad may have to go into hospital. Stomach ulcers. Went on 10 mile walk for Christian Aid. Finished. Tired out! Proud of argument with stupid lad.
May 11 Mon
Boring day. S tried to hypnotise me. Saw girls but there were only three of them. Cowards! In a dead sarcastic mood. Sick of wars.
May 12
And yet another boring day! Keep meaning to write to Shirl. Miss Roker makes me rotten-well sick! Keeping nearly everyone in.
May 13
Worried about periods in games, but okay. Very warm weather but a storm later on in day. "Back Home" no. 1. Bad breath. Got to go to dentist.
May 14
Took some books home for revision. Developed a cough and sore throat. Losing voice. Norma finished 'pant-dress'. Got letter from Lorette.
May 15 Fri
Broke up for Whitsun. Went to Manchester with S. Great day. Sunny. Had photos taken. Got awful cold. The Old Shambles. Fab.




Commentary
'For those who aren't old enugh, 'Back Home ' was the England Football squad's song.
I hesitated before writing about periods and bad breathe - but I suppose these are the things of adolescence, and so can't be censored.

My secret diary 1971 April (ii)

April 16 Fri
Home at last. Dad decorated. Looks great - honestly. It's good to be home. Phoned J but she's going for some 'hot pants'. Go tomorrow.
April 17
Went to J's this morning. Staying overnight. Went to Daisy Nook fair but after getting lost (and sore feet!) found that only one thing was open! We were frightened of lads on motorbikes.
April 18 Sun
Went to church with J ths morning. I believe in God even less now. It's all so false - make believe. Not real.
April 20 Tues
Went to Manchester with Shirl. She bought some shoes. Had photos took. Tour of boutiques:- Miss Selfridge, Guys 'n' Dolls, Etam and Chelsea Girl.
April 21
went to Shaw with Shirl. Can't remember why. Oh yes,library. Saw two of Shirl's friends. Then went to Oldham for a bit. Go home tomorrow morning.
April 22
Bit worried about a dream I had. Dad died in it. Frightening (while decorating). Coffins are horrible. I creid in the dream. Went to J's. Saw Billy Barrow (skinhead).
April 23 Fri
Went to baths with J and C. Q good. C is going in for Hulme.
April 24
At last caught up with diary. Went to see Dachau at the Art Gallery. Sad. Christ on cross. Went to see SG. She got a guitar for her birthday. Nice.
April 25
Nothing much. Got ready for school. Felt creative so I polished (properly) the fireplace and telly. Did a bit of Sandra's dress. Not doing very well with it. School tomorrow. Ah well.
April 26 Mon
First day of term! ok. Me and J are on 2nd dinner and S is on first. Bad mood this morning. Don't know why.
April 27
ok at school. Went to youth club. Bored stiff. Me and j went for a walk. Lad asked J out. Jealous. Saw drunk man who asked us to pub.
April 28
Played rounders in games. Don't like rounders. Wrote essay in music. "Music I like and dislike" Humph! Loads of history homework. Got in bad mood, nearly cried.
April 29
OK day. New chemistry teacher called Miss Halliwell while Mrs Barlow has baby. OK. Interesting. Mrs Stanton back. Had operation on throat. Kept coughing. Up-town.
April 30 Fri
Thank God! Last day week at school. Played tennis with Miss Jones in Tennis. She said I had quite a good shot.

Commentary
I hated sports at school.

My secret diary 1970 April (ii)

April 16 Thurs
Apollo critical. Dead worried. Been trying to think of picture for Art competition. Title: 'Friendship between children round the world' Aw.
April 17
Made cake in cookery. Worried about them girls, but they didn't touch us (or see us). Apollo down safely! At exactly 7.07.45 hrs. Splashdown 5 secs late.
April 18 Sat
Great fuss because Mr Ashton was coming. Didn't help dad with garden because of bath. Went up town, great feeling. Beautiful. Love Rare Birds' record .
April 19
Did homework. Got up late. Norma and her dress! Helped her. Used microscope. Looked at fly. Ugh. Poor thing. Paper hankie too.
April 20
Gave Moira tapes for Red Baron. Disgusting things on television. What are adults doing to this world?
April 21 Tues
I was in a bad mood, but later got better. Fed up of new R.I. teacher. She's called Mrs Arrowsmith. Headaches. Every day. Did no homework hardly.
April 22
Wrote letter to Lorette. Nice day. Rained. Played tennis in rain. Ashamed of racquet. Headaches!. Lost temper.
April 23
DISGUSTED with my school! Searched through our pockets without us knowing, just for a lost purse! Kept us out in the pouring rain. Got a cold now.
April 24 Fri
Thank goodness. Last day of school! Feel depressed. Disgusted by the ignorance of so many people. Geography. Someone pinched some of cookery.
April 25 Sat
Thought it would be good at SG's party. Not very. Met girl who walked down with me. Thought I was 16.
April 26
Great George Best change!!! Wrote letter to Shirl. Went out with Dad and Norma in car, looking for nursery. Sick of so much homework.
April 27 Mon
Had skin test for TB jab. Dead frightened but didn't hurt. Mum posted letter to Shirl. Not much to say. Rosalind Stretch ex girl of Hulme. Great honour.
April 28
Skin test jab disappeared. Means I'll have to have TB jab. (probably).
April 29
Art teacher got deep at us. She knows how we feel, but doesn't do anything about it. Went up town with J. Miss Hatch was there.
April 30
"The day of days!!" We had TB jabs. UGH. The pain was horrible when he pushed stuff in. Was in blister but went down. Didn't hurt J.

Commentary
The Rare Birds' record was Sympathy. I know this because I listed all my favourite music at the front of my diary.
I have to reflect here on the microscope and Apollo 13. Was it normal for a 13 year old girl to have these interests in 1970? I suspect not. I recall that Norma and I got birthday and presents such as chemistry sets, Meccano and this miniature microscope. Dad didn't want to have boys. But he did want his girls to be educated and to love science. His own education had been curtailed at the age of 14 by poverty. He had the offer of a place at a grammar school but he had to go out to work. I'm sure we got girly presents too, influenced by mum. But - I ended up doing sciences at A level, a degree in Biological Sciences, and now I do research. I wonder what the paper hankie looked like under the microscope?
When, on April 22, I say I was ashamed of my tennis racquet, this makes me remember that I spent much of my time being ashamed of things. How much of this was adolescent feelings? But I was at a grant-maintained grammar school. A lot of the other girls were fee-paying and came from families who had more money than we did. Whilst their indoor sandals were Clarks (or maybe even better!) mine were from Oldham Market. My racquet was old, second hand, heavy and wooden, with one or two loose strings. The garden that I go on about so much was about 3 foot by 6 foot.
As I typed up April 28 just now, picturing myself getting up in the morning and checking my arm, I felt a sudden concern that I might be betraying the secret thoughts of the teenage me. I wrote the diary wanting it to be private. Now, adult Jackie is publishing it for all to see. Is it possible to betray one's young, past, self?

My diary 1971 April (i)

April 7th
Be young, be foolish, but be happy
April 12th (Mon)
Went to stay with Auntie Emma with Norma. I hate A.E. Have to put on good face, though, 'cos she is their favourite aunt.
April 13th
I was quiet all the time at A.E.'s. I'm sorry I was. I upset Norma as well as A.E. Went swimming twice. Went for hike once. Fun.
April 14th
Me and J have decided to invite french penfriends over next year. We'll go back with them. Wrote letter and posted it to ask her. (Still at Auntie Emma's)
April 15th
Last day at A.E.'s. Going home tomorrow. I told Norma all about not liking A.E. She understands. Oh Hell!! Read 2 Agatha Christie books.

Commentary
Auntie Emma lived in Stocksbridge, near Sheffield. She was relatively well-to-do compared to our family and the rest of mum's numersous sisters. By this, I mean that she had a garden back and front. She was a widow. Her husband had worked at Foxes, the (Sheffield Steel) cutlery manufacturers. Foxes had built the village she lived in, for the workers. They also built community facilities, hence our expeditions to the very nice swimming baths. Like my Auntie May she was a creative woman. They both taught me a love of crafts (and a range of skills such as crochet, clothes-making etc)

My diary 1970 April (i)

April 1st (Wed)
Shirley came to our house. Simon and Garfunkel No 1. Went to visit J. Played no April Fool jokes. Felt sick at night. Everything's wrong.
April 4th (Sat)
Shirley came. Went to baby-sit for Audrey. Sandra slept ok but the dog, Sandy, worried us. Whimpered! Went to bed at midnight.
April 5th
Jealous of Shirley. When we dressed Sandra she preferred Shirl putting her things on.
April 6th
keep meaning to do homework. Lazy day. Planted seeds with dad. Began 'White Fang' book.
April 8th (Wed)
Shirl came. Expected J and S to come too but didn't turn up. Great day in Manchester. Had photos with Shirl, bought tinkle thing. Jealous of Shirl.
April 9
Lazy day. Still not done homework. Mum cleaned room for me.
April 10th
Dad ill. Worried. Doctor been. Had a nice cosy evening (all family) by fire. Lady loves me, I'm sure. Got dandruff! Done a tiny bit of homework.
April 11th (Sat)
B.E.D. FA Cup final, Leeds vs Chelsea. Drew 2-2. Replayed at Old Trafford. Apollo 13 take-off, all well. Only tiny bit of trouble. Done more homework. Dad not so ill.
April 12th (Sun)
Getting ready for school (UGH). Gorgeous film about young pregnant girl. Planted more seeds. Tried to do loads of homework. Apollo okay.
April 13th (Mon)
Back to school. Great day. Fairly warm. Worked dead hard on my 'Oklahoma' project, didn't do much. Stayed up till 11.30. (AT I only got B+ for it)
April 14th
BED. Budget day. Quite good. Apollo 13 gone wrong! Astronauts coming home. Saw girls again. Didn't touch us. The cowards.
April 15th
Apollo okay. Gone round the moon. Got forms for T.B. jabs. TENNIS.


Commentary
I had some abbreviations that I used. Don't recall what BED stood for, but AT means AfterThought, which I will have added at some point in the future, on re-reading the entry.
Was I really such a nasty, jealous girl?

Anecdotes, narratives, truth and knowledge

These are some thoughts about anecdote as evidence, prompted by friend Carol's persistence. I suppose really this is about narratives in research. I would need to give further thought to how they differ from anecdotes.
Research is about gaining knowledge. Knowledge could be gained by discovering something that has never been found before. That something was there, it just needed finding, or 'proving' to be a fact.
But, really, facts are not that easy to establish, particularly in the study of humans. Even a nice neat survey (86% of people said they preferred to buy corned beef in square tins) becomes a nonsense, as soon as we look at the motives of the researcher, the flawed questionning techniques of the data-collector, and what the respondent actually wanted to say, but couldn't, because they weren't offered the right options.
If I ask a person to tell me their view, or give an account of an event, then I must accept that there is no such thing as a single truth that I can ascertain. As soon as I accept that, then I can allow myself to hear what they say in a different way.
Why are they telling me this story?
Why are they telling it in this way?
Would the other people in the account have told it differently?
If the person is telling me the story like this, then what does that tell me about what it meant to them?
For this person, where did the story begin and end?
If I ask them to tell me about the same event next week, will it be the same?
In this way I can find out more about the individual who tells the story, but it does not preclude me from finding out, also, about the event that happened, as long as I remain aware of the layers of representation of that event that are being introduced. (Catherine Riessman describes these well). The event is filtered through the perceiver's eyes (and history, and experience and motives) and then, as I hear about it, through my own. When I tell, or write about the individual's account of the event, the, again, I add a distorting layer of representation.
None of this makes the original account any the less interesting or useful. But I must stay aware.

I'm listening to, and trying to understand, health-service users' experiences of health care at the moment. What a wealth of information! And none of it is quantifiable (at least not if we want to keep the integrity of the tale that is told). To reduce any part of the tale to numbers would be to over-simplify and negate the impact of complex events, in complex contexts.

My Diary 1970 March (ii)

March 17th (Tue)
G.B. likes Lee Marvin. Norma's Speech Day. All by myself! Aww. Frightening.
March 18th
Lee Marvin No. 1! 3rd week! J going on about sore thumb. 'It's broke' says she! Norma practiced her play with me. Billy Liar.
March 19th
House music competition. Miss Hatch lost her voice. Those awful girls nearly bashed us. Dad was annoying. Cried.
March 20th (Fri)
S & J came for tea. Took dog for a walk. Met Carol and friend Pat Taylor. When S and J had gone we had a talk about sex.
March 21st (Sat)
Fab day. Went up town with dad. Bought 12' trellis. Had it hanging out of boot on way home. Went to fab party at Tish's. Gigantic house. 3 storey.
March 22nd
Busy. Spring has come! Helped dad in garden. Played cards nearly all day with Norm. Sad about yesterday. United lost to Chelsea 2-1
March 23rd (mon)
Okay today. Got penfriend from France, called Lorette Lucas. Shirl visited. United drew with Leeds again! 0-0
March 24th
After school Carol came. We wrote a letter to Lorette. Saw her cat's kittens. "Place your litter here". Lady took us for a walk.
March 25 (Wed)
Broke up! (for Easter) All form had a detention for geog. Good! J came for dinner and I went there (to J's) for tea. I don't want Hulme to go comprehensive. Simon and Garfunkel no. 1.
March 26
United are out of FA Cup. Leeds beat us 1-0. Visited Susan Greenwood. Took Lady. Behaved strangely. Met lad (Norma's friend) called Martin. Nice character, not nice face.
March 27
Good Friday.Helped dad in garden. Ugh. Dig that sexy Mike Pratt who plays Randall. MMM. Cousin Audrey, Fred and Sandra came visiting.
March 28 (Sat)
Nice day. Tape recorder back. Great fun. Jean and Cath came and we played daft games on it. Dad parked wrong way in a one way street. Everyone helped. Snow.
March 29 (Sun)
Easter. Happy day. Did a lot of taping. Dad brought Easter eggs. Dad was a bit ill. Hope he's alright. Dead worried.
March 30
Rotten day. Dad been a bit touchy. Didn't do much. Started letter to JH. Mum cried 'cos of all sorts really. I'm sick. Lady's got a bad cold.
March 31st
Stayed at Shirley's.


Commentary
I think Mike Pratt must have been in 'Randall and Hopkirk deceased'. We had an old reel to reel tape recorder. Remember them? The tapes were about 5" in diameter, and each in a separate box.
Dad worked for a wholsale confectioner, so sample and reject Easter eggs and other sweets often came our way.
I think I may have been completely unaware of family dynamics.

Reading....

I finished reading Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall a couple of weeks ago and it was so good I almost didn't recognise how good it was. She slipped me into Tudor England so easily, I took it for granted. At the same time I was listening to the audio book of Charles Dickens' Little Dorritt in the care (26 CDs!). Aren't I privileged to have access to such amazing books? Little Dorritt has such great characters. Wolf Hall got 10/10. Little Dorritt got 9.5/10. I have also read Anita Shrieve's Testimony - what a great way to construct a narrative - 8.5/10.
Now I'm reading The Street Philosopher by Matthew Plampin, recommended by a good friend, so am immersed in the Crimean War.
Desperately need a daft easy trashy novel to listen to in the car, while feeling overworked and stressed. Visit to library at weekend.