My secret teenage diary 1973 December (iii) - treating the house like a hotel

December 22nd (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastle's. Nowt exciting happened. Eccentric woman came in. Me and Geoff went to the George. After went to his house.

Dec 23rd
Didn't do much during the day really. Geoff phoned me in the morning. I'm going to stay over at their house on 28th. Went to club with Ju (committee meeting). Me and Ju got invited (by Russell and a Geoff) to go to the Brown Cow.

Dec 24th (Mon) 
I worked int he morning for 3 hours then went in town with Norma. Got mum a jumper, dad a (...?..), Norma a bra, pendant and book, Julie a ring and Omen perfume. Had to hurry after to get to Rochdale for 6.45. Went out with Geoff's family and some friends, who I don't like very much.

Dec 25th
Yuk. Christmas day. Has always been a disappointment. This year has proved no exception. In fact me and Norma were both in tears this morning. Dad was ill with ulcer and in a bad, nasty mood. Poor Ju hasn't got a dad. Got Monty Python book from Norma. Nice pressies. Went to party at Geoff's. All drunk.It was quite a good party. Even I got a bit tipsy. *

Dec 26th
Spent all today at Geoff's. Kept wanting to kiss him. We watched some telly and all played Cluedo. Went home on the bus. I'm getting very fond of Geoff.

Dec 27th (Thur)
Got home ok last night (obviously - I said that to fill space). Today has been a good day for getting lectures. Got one from dad for going out too much and one from Norma that I use the house like a hotel. Maybe it's because everyone always argues at home.

December 28th
In morning went to meet Ju in town at 10am, she arrived at 11 and I was annoyed, but calmed down a bit. * I went to Tiffany's at night with Geoff. Wore my new maxi. NICE. I think I'm falling in love.

December 29th (Sat)
Working at Hardcastles. Nothing fantastic. Miss Hood got on my nerves - it's a long story - about bread and Auntie Martha. C kept going on at me to go to Olly's party tomorrow night. I'm not going. Went out with Geoff.

December 30th
Ju went to Olly's party last night. I saw Bryn on the bus. Tonight was awful. Went to Ju's Auntie Margaret's birthday party. Ju was upset by a record that reminded her of her dad. We were really late. I cried.

December 31st
Last day of '73. A funny mixed-up year. In extremes, a good and bad year personally. Good holiday in Spain. Good 'O' level results, good relationship with Geoff. But so bad that Ju's dad died, bad that my dad's had a bad time with his ulcer and I feel uneasy about my family and me.

*Commentary
Dec 25th - Then I wrote something in Russian, which I can no longer translate - probably for the best.
Dec 28th - wrote something in Russian again, which is a mystery to me now.

A reflection
Two things I'm going to note  here, as my 57 year old self looking back at my 17 year old self.
1) Now, looking back, I wonder what it would have been like to have mixed with more teens from my age group at school (eg, I should have gone to Olly's party - should I?), instead of latching onto a steady dating relationship with Geoff, who was about 4 years older than me. I'll mention here, reader, that I went on to marry Geoff 5 years later, though we later divorced.
2) I'm becoming increasingly uncomfortable about transcribing my diary for public consumption. I want to continue doing it, to see how honest I can be, and because I know that I have people across the world who are still reading the blog. However, I do edit bits out occasionally and increasingly, because they feel too personal, or because it is someone else's business that I am protecting. Also, I have a feeling that my 17 year old self keeping a diary is less interesting than my 14 year old self, who used to write about friendships  school, relatives, moon landings and discovering music in an innocent way. I only have one more year of my 5 year diary left to transcribe - let's see how we do.

Colm Toibin - just finished reading

The Testament of Mary by Colm Toibin

7/10


I didn't really want to read a depressing book leading up to Christmas, but my other half had this out of the library, and it is only 100 pages, so I snuck it in.
A short novella, written in the voice of Mary, mother of Jesus, in the period leading up to his crucifixion. I'm not a religious person, and so am probably not as familiar with the stories of the miracles and the trial and crucifixion of Jesus as many people are, so this was an interesting book - especially since it gave a different perspective. But Mary's voice sounded, to me, cold  - almost frozen - and maybe that is what it would be like, having gone through what she went through. It gives the impression of someone who would have much, much rather have had a normal son, than a son who seemed to be leading a group of misfits and rebels, and who came to such an awful end. She is faced with a miserable life hounded by those who want to chronicle the life and death of Jesus. She understands that they will only write down the version that they prefer, to create the story and the myth that will found Christianity.
I read it quickly. It didn't make me cry. I couldn't empathise with Mary because of her woodenness.
Toibin's book 'Brooklyn' moved me much more. This gets a high score because it is a significant task to attempt, and he writes so well.

I looked at the reviews of this on Amazon and they are amazingly polarised into those who hated it and those who thought it was magnificent. It's worth reading the reviews just because of this. religion gets people heated, in one way or another.

Jane Austen - just finished reading

Persuasion - Jane Austen

8.5/10


My lovely sister bought me a beautifully bound set of Jane Austen's novels for my birthday. I've read them all before, of course - at first reluctantly at school, and then more willingly since then. In fact - this time I wasn't reluctant, nor just willing - I was eager!

I can't give Persuasion 10/10 because I find the heroine, Anne Elliot, a bit of a prissy, pining missy, who never really seems to get round to doing anything. She just watches and waits for things to happen to her. She gets her man in the end though. Yet we know that Jane Austen can create more pro-active, interesting women like Fanny Morland and Elizabeth Bennett, and the other Bennett sisters, so she loses marks for Ms Elliot.

But it was a page-turner, and every sentence says so much in a Jane Austen novel, and we learn so much about society then and now so it gets a high score.

I do wish she was around to write some more books for me.

Pamela Evans - just finished reading

Star Quality by Pamela Evans (audio book)

3/10


Oh, c'mon! Jackie - why did you listen to this  book right to the very end?! I'm sorry - this is the kind of easy listening I tend to do in the car, but, oh, what is there to be gained in reading a book like this? Except it made me laugh sometimes.
Tess and Max have a long term love for each other thwarted by his music career, the war, her husband, his wife, her daughter, her conscience and pathetic-ness (possibly no such word). But it's all alright in the end.
The bits that made me laugh out loud were the author's need to describe soft furnishings, in great detail, in the middle of high drama. For example (I'm making this up, it is an illustration):-

'She entered the apartment, knowing that this was the moment when she would have to confront him about his relationship with her 20 year old beautiful but wilful daughter, Judy. She looked around, admiring the contemporary furnishings, the sage green sofa and wide-armed expensive armchairs, all with modern, spindly legs. They toned in well with the rust-coloured carpet which provided a perfect setting for cosy open fire. She threw her gloves onto the tasteful, low, formica topped coffee table and glared at him.

"you rat!" she said
"it's you! Why are you here?" he said
"I want to know what your intentions are, towards my innocent daughter." she said.
"I thought you loved me!" she said as she felt his mellow brown eyes melting her heart and weakening her knees. Again.


Do you know? I've really enjoyed writing that. Maybe I should take up writing novels?

Sandor Marai - just finished reading

Embers by Sandor Marai

7.5 / 10


A book in which nothing happens, but everything happens, in an evening by the fire in a castle. I  have never read a book like it. One big event has its massive repercussions and is reviewed and reflected on by two old men, 41 years later. It is an intense conversation, which takes us deep into human feelings and relationships. There is suspense. We don't know how it will end........

My secret teenage diary 1973 December (ii) - getting Christmassy and a customer relations issue at work.

11th December (Tues)
What shall I get everyone for Xmas? I've got to get Geoff one too. Did I tell you that dad gave me £20 to buy clothes with?! Well he did. It shocked me too. He brought home 2 selection boxes, too. Ju phoned - disco's off tomorrow - angry.

12th December 
Okay day. Nice morning - took Christmas post round*. In affy helped with junior party - very tiring. Got big chemistry test tomorrow. Don't know anything. Miss Rogerson in General lesson brought Oldham Tinkers records, biccys etc, coffee - great.

13th Dec
Had a rotten chem test in morning. In afternoon helped to organise the Estcourt Christmas party games and watched UIV's panto (...illegible..) It's good. I still haven't told (asked) dad about staying at Geoff's on Christmas night. Was supposed to go out with Geoff but it was too windy and rainy (he phoned).

14th December (Fri)
A lazy day. Saw panto - again. It really is good. Also been trying to see Miss Crabtree about raffling box of chocs that dad brought home. Went to Tiffany's with Geoff. Went for short walk afterwards.  Didn't X me goodnight. Worried.

15th December
Working at Hardcastles again. Silly old cow of a woman was rotten and nearly made me cry. She said she'd come back during the week when there was an older person on.* Geoff phoned just like  he said he would. I thought he might not. Went to a pub in Heywood and then back to his house. Nice mmmmm

16th December (Sun)
Didn't get up till 12.00! Norma's home. Did I tell you about her leg? Doctor said she's got arthritis in her hip joint and she may have to have a massive operation one day. Poor ol' Norma. Went to club in evening.

17th December
Normal day at school. Nothing spectacular. Delivered Christmas post and Miss Rogerson gave us a card and a poem. She's lovely. We had a big feast at dinner time - everyone brought different things. We're going down Manchester shopping tomorrow and I'm reading in Assembly tomorrow.

18th December (Tues)
I read in morning in assembly. It wasn't too bad. After it was Carol Service and then we got the afternoon off. We went to Manchester, first just Ju and me and then we met E and S. I got a new pair of shoes £6 from Ravel. Hope they're ok - v. high* Phoned Geoff up, asked about disco, he said no, he is saving his £s.

19th December
Had last day at school. Ok. Not very (...??) I'm very glad I go to Hulme though. Yes I am. In afternoon went into Oldham shopping for Xmas. Nowt spectacular. Then disco at Royton club. Organised by us. Wasn't a failure. Nor a success.

20th December (Thur)
In morning got up late. In afternoon went round Makro with Ju and her mum. Bought Geoffrey a lighter £2.15. Would have been £2.95 in a shop. Pretty  good. It's a very cheap place. Been making lots of arrangements about party tomorrow  night.

21st December
Did nothing in morning. Oh yes I did. Went into town by myself then with Norma to get mum's present, then with Ju to get other things. Got mum a jumper between us. Got Norma a bra, pendant and book (Spike milligan). Went to party at S's. Not v good really.

*Commentary
Dec 12 - I think this refers to an internal mail system we had at school.
Dec 15 - I still remember this incident very clearly. I can remember what she was like, and how imperious and impatient she was. She wanted to be treated like royalty. It was only my second week, and I couldn't find the stockings that she wanted amongst the massive stock in all the boxes and shelves and drawers. I vowed that I would never treat a shop assistant like she treated me - and I know I never have done.
Dec 18th - I remember these shoes - they were gorgeous! Black, chunky high heel and a bar across.

My secret teenage diary 1973 December (i) - in which I try to identify love, and sell some stockings and tights.

December 1st (Sat)
Don't laugh or cringe or anything but I think I'm in love with Geoff. Seriously. Tonight me and him went to Baileys - I paid. Ju and S went too. While there, after we kissed, I didn't come out of it feeling all happy and smiley, I felt stricken and I just went all quiet*. He met mum and dad today.

December 2nd
Thinking a lot about Geoffrey. Norma is home. Went to Ju's and to social club. Chris was there. He says he's finished with girls. Seemed more friendly. Then we went to S's to rehearse Cinderella - panto.

Dec 3rd (Mon)
Ju not at school. I stil think I'm in love with Geoff, you know. I'm worried. I'm not getting on with my work very well. I ought to buck up - but I've got  no will power, just love. Weather's a bit better (it's been snowing and freezing so far)

Dec 4th
Oh, I'm so confused. there seems to be so much worrying me. Julie has been off school again. I phoned up and she said that Chris and Pete had resigned from the committee and John Higgins booked DJ for 12th.

Dec 5th (Wed)
Rotten day at school. S in a bad mood, me in a mood and Julie still away. Actually I phoned her and she said she's coming tomorrow. Also Chris and Pete planning for under 18s. Went to panto rehearsal. C says she thinks Brian fancies me.

Dec 6th
Oh! I feel really annoyed and depressed. I haven't had a minute to myself recently. After school (Ju here) a man lectured on energy + then I went to Ju's for committee meeting. Okay. Not too bad. Having 2 discos.

Dec 7th (Fri)
After school (haven't much to say about school - nothing good ever happens) went out with Geoff. Went to ??? in Heywood. I love Geoff.

Dec 8th (Sat)
Worked at Hardcastle's** during day. Okay. Met a lot of new people, although none of them dead great. I'm selling tights and stockings. I got £1.98 wage, so that's not bad. After, me and C went to be in panto at S's thing. Cinderella. At old folks' party. Ok. Some people forgot their lines tho'.

Dec 9th (Sun)
During day tried to do some homework. Didn't get on too well. After went to Julie's and Royton Club committee meeting. Having do on wed. Steve making posters.

Dec 10th
Upsetting day for S. There was a joint meeting between girls' 6th form and boys' committee. While we were away someone (it was XX) wrote 'Adolph S's surname' on the blackboard. S was upset. Geoff phoned and suggested I go to his house for Xmas.


*Rambling Commentary
I'm struggling with this a bit. It feels very personal. Even the bits that are disguised because I wrote them in Russian seem to give a lot away about the personal life of the 17 year old Jackie. Am I betraying her privacy? Perhaps more importantly, am I betraying the privacy of Geoff, who (I assume) does not know that I am writing about him?
These are moral dilemmas which create a tension with my wish / compulsion to transcribe the diary as fully and honestly as possible. Why do I want to do this? Because it is an interesting exercise and experiment in which I explore the young me and expose her to myself and others.
Am I pursuing what might be morally wrong, in order to explore and experiment? It's an age old ethical dilemma for scientists :-/
How far can I go? Will there come a point when I decide to stop for ethical reasons (as opposed to laziness)?

**Focused commentary
Dec 8 - Hardcastle's was a refined ladies' department store in Oldham. On the ground floor, as you went in, there was a glass-fronted island counter which was the stockings and tights counter. A lady called Miss Hood was in charge. I was the Saturday girl and there was one other full-timer who told funny stories and got into trouble with Miss Hood.. We sold 15, 20, 30, 40 denier stockings and tights. Names trot though my head - Charnos, Wolsey, Aristoc. American Tan, Mink, Nearly Nude, Barely Black. We sold silk and Lisle stockings. We sold with and without seams. Pretty Polly Hold-ups. We were opposite the gloves and handkerchief counter. Ladies fashions were upstairs, and school uniforms were too. There was one of those old fashioned lifts - you had to pull the metal gate closed and then turn the handle to activate the lift.