April 16 Fri
Home at last. Dad decorated. Looks great - honestly. It's good to be home. Phoned J but she's going for some 'hot pants'. Go tomorrow.
April 17
Went to J's this morning. Staying overnight. Went to Daisy Nook fair but after getting lost (and sore feet!) found that only one thing was open! We were frightened of lads on motorbikes.
April 18 Sun
Went to church with J ths morning. I believe in God even less now. It's all so false - make believe. Not real.
April 20 Tues
Went to Manchester with Shirl. She bought some shoes. Had photos took. Tour of boutiques:- Miss Selfridge, Guys 'n' Dolls, Etam and Chelsea Girl.
April 21
went to Shaw with Shirl. Can't remember why. Oh yes,library. Saw two of Shirl's friends. Then went to Oldham for a bit. Go home tomorrow morning.
April 22
Bit worried about a dream I had. Dad died in it. Frightening (while decorating). Coffins are horrible. I creid in the dream. Went to J's. Saw Billy Barrow (skinhead).
April 23 Fri
Went to baths with J and C. Q good. C is going in for Hulme.
April 24
At last caught up with diary. Went to see Dachau at the Art Gallery. Sad. Christ on cross. Went to see SG. She got a guitar for her birthday. Nice.
April 25
Nothing much. Got ready for school. Felt creative so I polished (properly) the fireplace and telly. Did a bit of Sandra's dress. Not doing very well with it. School tomorrow. Ah well.
April 26 Mon
First day of term! ok. Me and J are on 2nd dinner and S is on first. Bad mood this morning. Don't know why.
April 27
ok at school. Went to youth club. Bored stiff. Me and j went for a walk. Lad asked J out. Jealous. Saw drunk man who asked us to pub.
April 28
Played rounders in games. Don't like rounders. Wrote essay in music. "Music I like and dislike" Humph! Loads of history homework. Got in bad mood, nearly cried.
April 29
OK day. New chemistry teacher called Miss Halliwell while Mrs Barlow has baby. OK. Interesting. Mrs Stanton back. Had operation on throat. Kept coughing. Up-town.
April 30 Fri
Thank God! Last day week at school. Played tennis with Miss Jones in Tennis. She said I had quite a good shot.
Commentary
I hated sports at school.
Saturday 17 April 2010
My secret diary 1970 April (ii)
April 16 Thurs
Apollo critical. Dead worried. Been trying to think of picture for Art competition. Title: 'Friendship between children round the world' Aw.
April 17
Made cake in cookery. Worried about them girls, but they didn't touch us (or see us). Apollo down safely! At exactly 7.07.45 hrs. Splashdown 5 secs late.
April 18 Sat
Great fuss because Mr Ashton was coming. Didn't help dad with garden because of bath. Went up town, great feeling. Beautiful. Love Rare Birds' record .
April 19
Did homework. Got up late. Norma and her dress! Helped her. Used microscope. Looked at fly. Ugh. Poor thing. Paper hankie too.
April 20
Gave Moira tapes for Red Baron. Disgusting things on television. What are adults doing to this world?
April 21 Tues
I was in a bad mood, but later got better. Fed up of new R.I. teacher. She's called Mrs Arrowsmith. Headaches. Every day. Did no homework hardly.
April 22
Wrote letter to Lorette. Nice day. Rained. Played tennis in rain. Ashamed of racquet. Headaches!. Lost temper.
April 23
DISGUSTED with my school! Searched through our pockets without us knowing, just for a lost purse! Kept us out in the pouring rain. Got a cold now.
April 24 Fri
Thank goodness. Last day of school! Feel depressed. Disgusted by the ignorance of so many people. Geography. Someone pinched some of cookery.
April 25 Sat
Thought it would be good at SG's party. Not very. Met girl who walked down with me. Thought I was 16.
April 26
Great George Best change!!! Wrote letter to Shirl. Went out with Dad and Norma in car, looking for nursery. Sick of so much homework.
April 27 Mon
Had skin test for TB jab. Dead frightened but didn't hurt. Mum posted letter to Shirl. Not much to say. Rosalind Stretch ex girl of Hulme. Great honour.
April 28
Skin test jab disappeared. Means I'll have to have TB jab. (probably).
April 29
Art teacher got deep at us. She knows how we feel, but doesn't do anything about it. Went up town with J. Miss Hatch was there.
April 30
"The day of days!!" We had TB jabs. UGH. The pain was horrible when he pushed stuff in. Was in blister but went down. Didn't hurt J.
Commentary
The Rare Birds' record was Sympathy. I know this because I listed all my favourite music at the front of my diary.
I have to reflect here on the microscope and Apollo 13. Was it normal for a 13 year old girl to have these interests in 1970? I suspect not. I recall that Norma and I got birthday and presents such as chemistry sets, Meccano and this miniature microscope. Dad didn't want to have boys. But he did want his girls to be educated and to love science. His own education had been curtailed at the age of 14 by poverty. He had the offer of a place at a grammar school but he had to go out to work. I'm sure we got girly presents too, influenced by mum. But - I ended up doing sciences at A level, a degree in Biological Sciences, and now I do research. I wonder what the paper hankie looked like under the microscope?
When, on April 22, I say I was ashamed of my tennis racquet, this makes me remember that I spent much of my time being ashamed of things. How much of this was adolescent feelings? But I was at a grant-maintained grammar school. A lot of the other girls were fee-paying and came from families who had more money than we did. Whilst their indoor sandals were Clarks (or maybe even better!) mine were from Oldham Market. My racquet was old, second hand, heavy and wooden, with one or two loose strings. The garden that I go on about so much was about 3 foot by 6 foot.
As I typed up April 28 just now, picturing myself getting up in the morning and checking my arm, I felt a sudden concern that I might be betraying the secret thoughts of the teenage me. I wrote the diary wanting it to be private. Now, adult Jackie is publishing it for all to see. Is it possible to betray one's young, past, self?
Apollo critical. Dead worried. Been trying to think of picture for Art competition. Title: 'Friendship between children round the world' Aw.
April 17
Made cake in cookery. Worried about them girls, but they didn't touch us (or see us). Apollo down safely! At exactly 7.07.45 hrs. Splashdown 5 secs late.
April 18 Sat
Great fuss because Mr Ashton was coming. Didn't help dad with garden because of bath. Went up town, great feeling. Beautiful. Love Rare Birds' record .
April 19
Did homework. Got up late. Norma and her dress! Helped her. Used microscope. Looked at fly. Ugh. Poor thing. Paper hankie too.
April 20
Gave Moira tapes for Red Baron. Disgusting things on television. What are adults doing to this world?
April 21 Tues
I was in a bad mood, but later got better. Fed up of new R.I. teacher. She's called Mrs Arrowsmith. Headaches. Every day. Did no homework hardly.
April 22
Wrote letter to Lorette. Nice day. Rained. Played tennis in rain. Ashamed of racquet. Headaches!. Lost temper.
April 23
DISGUSTED with my school! Searched through our pockets without us knowing, just for a lost purse! Kept us out in the pouring rain. Got a cold now.
April 24 Fri
Thank goodness. Last day of school! Feel depressed. Disgusted by the ignorance of so many people. Geography. Someone pinched some of cookery.
April 25 Sat
Thought it would be good at SG's party. Not very. Met girl who walked down with me. Thought I was 16.
April 26
Great George Best change!!! Wrote letter to Shirl. Went out with Dad and Norma in car, looking for nursery. Sick of so much homework.
April 27 Mon
Had skin test for TB jab. Dead frightened but didn't hurt. Mum posted letter to Shirl. Not much to say. Rosalind Stretch ex girl of Hulme. Great honour.
April 28
Skin test jab disappeared. Means I'll have to have TB jab. (probably).
April 29
Art teacher got deep at us. She knows how we feel, but doesn't do anything about it. Went up town with J. Miss Hatch was there.
April 30
"The day of days!!" We had TB jabs. UGH. The pain was horrible when he pushed stuff in. Was in blister but went down. Didn't hurt J.
Commentary
The Rare Birds' record was Sympathy. I know this because I listed all my favourite music at the front of my diary.
I have to reflect here on the microscope and Apollo 13. Was it normal for a 13 year old girl to have these interests in 1970? I suspect not. I recall that Norma and I got birthday and presents such as chemistry sets, Meccano and this miniature microscope. Dad didn't want to have boys. But he did want his girls to be educated and to love science. His own education had been curtailed at the age of 14 by poverty. He had the offer of a place at a grammar school but he had to go out to work. I'm sure we got girly presents too, influenced by mum. But - I ended up doing sciences at A level, a degree in Biological Sciences, and now I do research. I wonder what the paper hankie looked like under the microscope?
When, on April 22, I say I was ashamed of my tennis racquet, this makes me remember that I spent much of my time being ashamed of things. How much of this was adolescent feelings? But I was at a grant-maintained grammar school. A lot of the other girls were fee-paying and came from families who had more money than we did. Whilst their indoor sandals were Clarks (or maybe even better!) mine were from Oldham Market. My racquet was old, second hand, heavy and wooden, with one or two loose strings. The garden that I go on about so much was about 3 foot by 6 foot.
As I typed up April 28 just now, picturing myself getting up in the morning and checking my arm, I felt a sudden concern that I might be betraying the secret thoughts of the teenage me. I wrote the diary wanting it to be private. Now, adult Jackie is publishing it for all to see. Is it possible to betray one's young, past, self?
Saturday 3 April 2010
My diary 1971 April (i)
April 7th
Be young, be foolish, but be happy
April 12th (Mon)
Went to stay with Auntie Emma with Norma. I hate A.E. Have to put on good face, though, 'cos she is their favourite aunt.
April 13th
I was quiet all the time at A.E.'s. I'm sorry I was. I upset Norma as well as A.E. Went swimming twice. Went for hike once. Fun.
April 14th
Me and J have decided to invite french penfriends over next year. We'll go back with them. Wrote letter and posted it to ask her. (Still at Auntie Emma's)
April 15th
Last day at A.E.'s. Going home tomorrow. I told Norma all about not liking A.E. She understands. Oh Hell!! Read 2 Agatha Christie books.
Commentary
Auntie Emma lived in Stocksbridge, near Sheffield. She was relatively well-to-do compared to our family and the rest of mum's numersous sisters. By this, I mean that she had a garden back and front. She was a widow. Her husband had worked at Foxes, the (Sheffield Steel) cutlery manufacturers. Foxes had built the village she lived in, for the workers. They also built community facilities, hence our expeditions to the very nice swimming baths. Like my Auntie May she was a creative woman. They both taught me a love of crafts (and a range of skills such as crochet, clothes-making etc)
Be young, be foolish, but be happy
April 12th (Mon)
Went to stay with Auntie Emma with Norma. I hate A.E. Have to put on good face, though, 'cos she is their favourite aunt.
April 13th
I was quiet all the time at A.E.'s. I'm sorry I was. I upset Norma as well as A.E. Went swimming twice. Went for hike once. Fun.
April 14th
Me and J have decided to invite french penfriends over next year. We'll go back with them. Wrote letter and posted it to ask her. (Still at Auntie Emma's)
April 15th
Last day at A.E.'s. Going home tomorrow. I told Norma all about not liking A.E. She understands. Oh Hell!! Read 2 Agatha Christie books.
Commentary
Auntie Emma lived in Stocksbridge, near Sheffield. She was relatively well-to-do compared to our family and the rest of mum's numersous sisters. By this, I mean that she had a garden back and front. She was a widow. Her husband had worked at Foxes, the (Sheffield Steel) cutlery manufacturers. Foxes had built the village she lived in, for the workers. They also built community facilities, hence our expeditions to the very nice swimming baths. Like my Auntie May she was a creative woman. They both taught me a love of crafts (and a range of skills such as crochet, clothes-making etc)
My diary 1970 April (i)
April 1st (Wed)
Shirley came to our house. Simon and Garfunkel No 1. Went to visit J. Played no April Fool jokes. Felt sick at night. Everything's wrong.
April 4th (Sat)
Shirley came. Went to baby-sit for Audrey. Sandra slept ok but the dog, Sandy, worried us. Whimpered! Went to bed at midnight.
April 5th
Jealous of Shirley. When we dressed Sandra she preferred Shirl putting her things on.
April 6th
keep meaning to do homework. Lazy day. Planted seeds with dad. Began 'White Fang' book.
April 8th (Wed)
Shirl came. Expected J and S to come too but didn't turn up. Great day in Manchester. Had photos with Shirl, bought tinkle thing. Jealous of Shirl.
April 9
Lazy day. Still not done homework. Mum cleaned room for me.
April 10th
Dad ill. Worried. Doctor been. Had a nice cosy evening (all family) by fire. Lady loves me, I'm sure. Got dandruff! Done a tiny bit of homework.
April 11th (Sat)
B.E.D. FA Cup final, Leeds vs Chelsea. Drew 2-2. Replayed at Old Trafford. Apollo 13 take-off, all well. Only tiny bit of trouble. Done more homework. Dad not so ill.
April 12th (Sun)
Getting ready for school (UGH). Gorgeous film about young pregnant girl. Planted more seeds. Tried to do loads of homework. Apollo okay.
April 13th (Mon)
Back to school. Great day. Fairly warm. Worked dead hard on my 'Oklahoma' project, didn't do much. Stayed up till 11.30. (AT I only got B+ for it)
April 14th
BED. Budget day. Quite good. Apollo 13 gone wrong! Astronauts coming home. Saw girls again. Didn't touch us. The cowards.
April 15th
Apollo okay. Gone round the moon. Got forms for T.B. jabs. TENNIS.
Commentary
I had some abbreviations that I used. Don't recall what BED stood for, but AT means AfterThought, which I will have added at some point in the future, on re-reading the entry.
Was I really such a nasty, jealous girl?
Shirley came to our house. Simon and Garfunkel No 1. Went to visit J. Played no April Fool jokes. Felt sick at night. Everything's wrong.
April 4th (Sat)
Shirley came. Went to baby-sit for Audrey. Sandra slept ok but the dog, Sandy, worried us. Whimpered! Went to bed at midnight.
April 5th
Jealous of Shirley. When we dressed Sandra she preferred Shirl putting her things on.
April 6th
keep meaning to do homework. Lazy day. Planted seeds with dad. Began 'White Fang' book.
April 8th (Wed)
Shirl came. Expected J and S to come too but didn't turn up. Great day in Manchester. Had photos with Shirl, bought tinkle thing. Jealous of Shirl.
April 9
Lazy day. Still not done homework. Mum cleaned room for me.
April 10th
Dad ill. Worried. Doctor been. Had a nice cosy evening (all family) by fire. Lady loves me, I'm sure. Got dandruff! Done a tiny bit of homework.
April 11th (Sat)
B.E.D. FA Cup final, Leeds vs Chelsea. Drew 2-2. Replayed at Old Trafford. Apollo 13 take-off, all well. Only tiny bit of trouble. Done more homework. Dad not so ill.
April 12th (Sun)
Getting ready for school (UGH). Gorgeous film about young pregnant girl. Planted more seeds. Tried to do loads of homework. Apollo okay.
April 13th (Mon)
Back to school. Great day. Fairly warm. Worked dead hard on my 'Oklahoma' project, didn't do much. Stayed up till 11.30. (AT I only got B+ for it)
April 14th
BED. Budget day. Quite good. Apollo 13 gone wrong! Astronauts coming home. Saw girls again. Didn't touch us. The cowards.
April 15th
Apollo okay. Gone round the moon. Got forms for T.B. jabs. TENNIS.
Commentary
I had some abbreviations that I used. Don't recall what BED stood for, but AT means AfterThought, which I will have added at some point in the future, on re-reading the entry.
Was I really such a nasty, jealous girl?
Friday 2 April 2010
Anecdotes, narratives, truth and knowledge
These are some thoughts about anecdote as evidence, prompted by friend Carol's persistence. I suppose really this is about narratives in research. I would need to give further thought to how they differ from anecdotes.
Research is about gaining knowledge. Knowledge could be gained by discovering something that has never been found before. That something was there, it just needed finding, or 'proving' to be a fact.
But, really, facts are not that easy to establish, particularly in the study of humans. Even a nice neat survey (86% of people said they preferred to buy corned beef in square tins) becomes a nonsense, as soon as we look at the motives of the researcher, the flawed questionning techniques of the data-collector, and what the respondent actually wanted to say, but couldn't, because they weren't offered the right options.
If I ask a person to tell me their view, or give an account of an event, then I must accept that there is no such thing as a single truth that I can ascertain. As soon as I accept that, then I can allow myself to hear what they say in a different way.
Why are they telling me this story?
Why are they telling it in this way?
Would the other people in the account have told it differently?
If the person is telling me the story like this, then what does that tell me about what it meant to them?
For this person, where did the story begin and end?
If I ask them to tell me about the same event next week, will it be the same?
In this way I can find out more about the individual who tells the story, but it does not preclude me from finding out, also, about the event that happened, as long as I remain aware of the layers of representation of that event that are being introduced. (Catherine Riessman describes these well). The event is filtered through the perceiver's eyes (and history, and experience and motives) and then, as I hear about it, through my own. When I tell, or write about the individual's account of the event, the, again, I add a distorting layer of representation.
None of this makes the original account any the less interesting or useful. But I must stay aware.
I'm listening to, and trying to understand, health-service users' experiences of health care at the moment. What a wealth of information! And none of it is quantifiable (at least not if we want to keep the integrity of the tale that is told). To reduce any part of the tale to numbers would be to over-simplify and negate the impact of complex events, in complex contexts.
Research is about gaining knowledge. Knowledge could be gained by discovering something that has never been found before. That something was there, it just needed finding, or 'proving' to be a fact.
But, really, facts are not that easy to establish, particularly in the study of humans. Even a nice neat survey (86% of people said they preferred to buy corned beef in square tins) becomes a nonsense, as soon as we look at the motives of the researcher, the flawed questionning techniques of the data-collector, and what the respondent actually wanted to say, but couldn't, because they weren't offered the right options.
If I ask a person to tell me their view, or give an account of an event, then I must accept that there is no such thing as a single truth that I can ascertain. As soon as I accept that, then I can allow myself to hear what they say in a different way.
Why are they telling me this story?
Why are they telling it in this way?
Would the other people in the account have told it differently?
If the person is telling me the story like this, then what does that tell me about what it meant to them?
For this person, where did the story begin and end?
If I ask them to tell me about the same event next week, will it be the same?
In this way I can find out more about the individual who tells the story, but it does not preclude me from finding out, also, about the event that happened, as long as I remain aware of the layers of representation of that event that are being introduced. (Catherine Riessman describes these well). The event is filtered through the perceiver's eyes (and history, and experience and motives) and then, as I hear about it, through my own. When I tell, or write about the individual's account of the event, the, again, I add a distorting layer of representation.
None of this makes the original account any the less interesting or useful. But I must stay aware.
I'm listening to, and trying to understand, health-service users' experiences of health care at the moment. What a wealth of information! And none of it is quantifiable (at least not if we want to keep the integrity of the tale that is told). To reduce any part of the tale to numbers would be to over-simplify and negate the impact of complex events, in complex contexts.
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